The last few days have been vulnerable ones, for me I’m learning, deepening, and awakening to new ideas, new ways of being. I’m stretching toward my dreams, and, at the same time, needing lots of time to just be where I am, and absorb…
Have you ever felt this way?
I’m in a slack tide…some energy shifting outward, some still inwardly directed. I am a held breath.
Broken open, hesitantly poised at the edge of something so long yearned for, but which, as it begins to unfurl, is as vast as the Grand Canyon under a moonless, star-filled Arizona sky.
I feel it into my soul, echoing through my mind – the resonance of knowing that these dreams are not only possible, but attainable.
Have you ever neared that possibility, and you can at last see just how you can get from here to there – the place you’ve dreamed of, longed for? How do you feel, when it happens, for you?
I’ll admit it. I’m a little terrified.
Taking the next steps means shifting from what I have been, how I have lived. It means owning things about myself in new ways, proclaiming who I am, what I want, what I am willing to do to get there.
And, then – it means doing it.
What is it that has me quaking, wanting to crawl into a cocoon and pretend that it’s still just fantasy, a not an schievable goal..?
I’m hearing the voices again.
You might know them. They say it’s impractical, a pipe dream, that I am too ditzy or unmotivated – or too something – to ever do this.
They are the “who the hell do you think you are” voices, and they come with faces, attitudes, energies, and experiences I’ve known my whole life.
Who the hell DO I think I am, anyway?
I am myself. I have a passion for life, connection, and communication. I adore words, ideas, and imagery. I feel emotional energy in the same way I feel the shifting of the winds.
I am the only one of me there is. No one else has had just my set of experiences; no one else has felt and thought in just this way.
No one else will share their life just in the way that I do.
I think there is value in that – in each of us sharing our story in our way, giving it to others to do with as they will.
I’m feeling vulnerable. I am the early bud; I am the chick who no longer fits within a once comfortable shell.
If I remain curled into this cocoon, this casing, this shell – I cannot survive.
Time to thrust outward – to break the silky threads, force the outer leaves open, tap cracks into that shell and push outward.
Time to trust in metamorphosis.
I’m at the beginning, atremble, beset with ‘what-ifs’. Naked, bereft of the protections of the comfortable spaces I had occupied – I know too much, now, for them to be anything other than restrictive.
I have to change, grow, evolve…
I can’t be as I was, and so I become something new, something bigger and deeper, something truer to these dreams that are becoming my reality.
What will I be, on the other side? Hard to say, exactly, since I am not even sure where the other side is….
But I will find it.
And live it.
Who or what has challenged you to grow and change, else wither and stagnate? I love comments, and reading your stories!
(My biweekly evaluation is pending until later Sunday, March 3, and will be posted here, when complete.)
- I completed and posted my Word Cloud Grokking.
- I connected with all class members.
- I read Lessons Four and Five.
- I scanned the next two assignments.
- Read/comment on five word clouds by Wednesday, March 6.
- Begin Grokking #3.
- 73rd ROW80 Check-In
- Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest – Social Media Strategy & ROW80
- ROW80 Check-in Back to the Basics
Reading: (slowing down some as I move into slack tide,and am writing more.)
- APE: (Author, Publisher, Entrepreneur) - 68% complete
- Wild Mind- 51% (will do exercises after reading through)
- Rivet Your Readers With Deep Point of View - 100% (exercises later)
- Are You There Blog? It’s Me, Writer - 60% complete
- 250 Things You Should Know About Writing - 100% complete
- 2,000 to 10,000: How to Write faster, write better, and write more of what you love.- 66% complete
- Steering the Craft – page 39 of 173 (2 exercises complete).
- New weekly feature, Friday Frolic. The inaugural post was a video tribute to Davy Jones, on the anniversary of his death. It will be a place for lighter fare to start off the weekends.
- I spent some time with my blogging action plan, setting some things down.
- Rough draft complete by March 15.
- Submitted “The Last House” to a literary journal – a personal, scary first.
- “A Splash of Red” – revising for deep POV. Will be a guest post submission.
- Completed QUOMIS rough draft! Next,editing!
- 750 Words - Exposition and Blogging from A to Z rough posts D and E (C was done as one of the exercises above.)
- Submit “A Splash of Red” by March 10.
- Compile QUOMIS. Revise 2 poems by March 6.
- “Blow Me a Candy Kiss”- will comment and return by Wednesday, March 6.
The children and I visited friends with newborn kittens on Friday, to fulfill a dream for Annalise. Saturday, I took Jeremiah to the store for half-birthday treats, and today (Sunday), the kids and I are going to the bookstore to meet Elizabeth Anne Mitchell.
That makes a happy but busy weekend for me, and I will be happy to go nowhere tomorrow!
It’s a BLOG HOP!
- Truststorms #ROW80 Update 2/3/13 (shanjeniah.com)
- Trusting my Truth – #ROW80 Update, 2/27/13 (shanjeniah.com)
- Intuitive Trust -#WANACon #ROW80 – February 24, 2013 (shanjeniah.com)
- In Grokking I Trust: #ROW80 Update, 2/10/13 (shanjeniah.com)
- Shifting Tides: #ROW80 Update 1/30/13 (shanjeniah.com)