I am coming out of my shell…and I emerge, blinking, into the light of a new day, befuddled and bemused because I thought I’d emerged, long since…
Inward, and outward, together, with something that approaches balance and symmetry.
So, here I am.
My head is poised just past the edge of my shell, and I stop and look around me…
There is a very big world out there, waiting for me….
What am I waiting for?
In some sense, for permission. I’m not sure from whom, or why I think this is important. I know I own my life -
Or do I?
Can I, when I am awaiting the go ahead from some nebulous other?
I’m thinking I need to simply give myself permission….but I’m not quite sure how, and I sense strongly that this isn’t something I can force.
There’s that world. MY world – your world too.
Because you are all out there, not waiting, but living your lives, creating, loving, wondering, and fearing.
Just like I am, but in your own way.
I know that I’m still a little shy. I want to celebrate you today, tomorrow, and every day. I want it more, in fact, than I want to celebrate myself.
And here I am, with my head barely peeking out of my shell, staring at you, my toes digging into the dirt, not quite knowing what to do to let you all know what you mean to me – how much I appreciate your words, and what you share through them…
And then, I think that maybe it doesn’t matter to you, because, after all, who the hell am I?
I’m having that feeling more often just now….and I know it’s a sign that I am preparing to stick my neck waaay out there, and dive headlong into the pools of sharing.
I need to grow, and to change. And I can’t do that, in this shell.
So, I am going to stick my neck out, here and now.
I’m going to go ahead and celebrate you, just because I can. And because it really doesn’t matter who I am.
You deserve the notice……
You keep on writing despite any challenge that comes our way, and you do it with the simple, unassuming wisdom that only comes with age and experiences richly grokked. I am honored to know you, and to have your depth at my disposal. Doesn’t hurt a bit how much you love language.
When you realized your first ebook had some pretty major editorial problems, you might have hidden away and pretended that nothing was wrong while you covertly corrected the errors. You didn’t. You admitted to the problems, and went out of your way to be open and to remediate. I know how hard you’ve worked to put things right, and it is as inspiring to me as your delicious vampire/were/alien world.
You give – so MUCH! I’m just realizing how much. You do it with generosity and humor and grace. You don’t sugarcoat, but you certainly entertain, and you are the single greatest catalyst for this current emergence, for me. Where once I felt guilty about wanting success as a writer, your focus on service resonates. I can do it – maybe even be wildly successful – if it means that I can be a force for good, and peace, and connection, and helping others. I might have seen it, without you breaking me open, but it would have been slower.
You’ve been a part of my life just about forever, and I know I wouldn’t be the writer – or the person – I am, without you. Any success I ever have, you will be an integral part of. It can’t be any other way. You are the best possible beta reader, because you know my world, my mind, and my objectives so well. And there are all those lovely or devil’s advocate cow trails, the lifetime of old churches and warm Meister Braus in your bedroom, or that shared boyfriend, singing, and that one terrible, wine-soaked, insane night that can never be unlived…and the griefs of lost loves, lost children, lost connection….ah,well….you know. You always do.
Wow – once I stuck my neck out, it was not so very hard to do, after all….