Tag Archives: Annalise

by

Saturday’s Share: Cobra Heads!

Yes, these were once live cobras!

That’s right. These heads were once attached to poisonous hooded cobras.  Now, they adorn the crowns of walking sticks, instead.

For Annalise, at age 5, when we saw these at the Sterling Renaissance Festival, they were magical.  She has had, throughout her life, a fascination with dangerous and venomous wildlife,  and she was instantly in full-blown child lust for these beauties.

Unfortunately, the price tag on these was over $300 – approximately  our budget for the entire day trip for our family of four. So, in my best resourceful mom fashion, I snapped this picture, so that at least she could later remember them.

It’s funny.  Before I had children, I might have looked at these quickly, then moved on, without taking the time to linger, to explore the details, feel the emotions that they inspired -for me, a combination of horror (that something as regal as a cobra would end existence decapitated and jammed onto the end of a stick to become someone’s possession) and fascination (I can still feel the life in these snakes, and the heads felt just like a snake when I touched them.  Even as I recoiled at the indignity, I found myself  admiring the quality of the preservation).

Now, I see details I once would have missed, moments of grace and wonder and beauty I never would have  thought to capture, even had I noticed them.

Some of this is due to the advent of  digital cameras, which allow me to snap to my heart’s content.

More, though, I think it is living with these children in a way that embraces and makes time for their passions.  It’s living a life that has slowed to accommodate exploration and appreciation for things like cobra head walking sticks – the endless tiny details that weave richness and texture into our learning – and our lives.

Often, these are my favorite pictures – these sudden surprises in life I would have missed if my focus were not on my children’s faces, and the way they light up at things that were once beneath my notice.

Have your children -or pets – led you to discover and appreciate things you might have otherwise missed?  I would love to hear and share your stories – just drop ‘em into that little comment receptacle below! =)

Related articles
by

Wordless Wednesday: A Look Behind

 

September 15, 2010.

Wordless Wednesday: A Look Behind

On April  1,  I began three challenges, and have not yet downloaded this week’s photos.

I thought, instead, that it would be fun to take a look back at my very first Wordless Wednesday post, from almost three years ago.  Such little children lived here, and Margot the late Manx makes an appearance, too…

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

via The Unfettered Life: Wordless Wednesday #1.

by

Trusting Life – #ROW80 Update, 2/20/13

Curious? Click here!

Today is my husband’s 49th birthday, and the 16th anniversary of the day we met, at a small hotel just outside of Grand Canyon National Park. Moqui Lodge has disappeared along with the tribe it was named for, now…but Jim and I are still here.

One year ago today, I wasn’t sure that that would be true. Jim began his last birthday in a helicopter, being airlifted to Albany Medical Center, after a collision with a deer as he rode his old Suzuki home for vacation.

The children and I began it on our way to the hospital in the dark, staving off panic by exploring both the best case- and worst-case scenarios…maybe it was Elijah’s death when Miah was only 22 months old, and not quite a year before Annalise was born…or maybe just an inherent belief that it’s better to tell children hard truths (gently, at a level they can comprehend and process), rather than to shield them from truths that may become undeniable.

After an agonizing wait, first in the main emergency waiting room, then in a small private room – where I finished my ROW80 update and fielded alarmed Facebook messages as a means to hold my own fraying edges together, so that I could be somewhat calm and reassuring for the children – we were finally addressed by a surgeon who seemed almost impossibly young, but who spoke with confidence, meeting my eyes and answering my questions as he detailed a 100-foot journey from bike to road, 8 broken ribs, a collapsed lung, a lacerated spleen that might need cauterization, and a possibly broken hand. “Minimal chance of mortality,” he said, as though that was a normal thing to say (and, for him, maybe it was – better news than he had to deliver to other, less fortunate, families).

At the beginning……August 23, 1997.

And now, here we are. One year later.

Jim is in more pain than he was before the accident, and isn’t quite as strong. He isn’t riding as much, and has moments of post-traumatic stress. But he is alive, and healthy.

So, today, I celebrate this man, my partner, my best friend, my accomplice….I celebrate that he is here, and that the near-tragedy and long recovery have grown us closer, encouraged us to be more present in our lives together, and birthed a higher tolerance for the “slings and arrows of outrageous fortune”.

We won’t, after all, live forever. Jim is 49, now, and I will be 44 at the end of July.

We are not young, as we were when we first married, at 28 and 33.

We’re seasoned. We’ve been parents for nearly 11 and a half years. We’ve traveled across the country 3 times, now, the last with a nursing newborn, from Montana to upstate New York, in October of 2001, when life as an American was perhaps as frightening as it has ever been.

We’ve lived together, growing together by growing into ourselves….we’ve called some of the most beautiful places in the world our backyards (the Canyon, the Everglades, Yellowstone, the Oregon woods).

We have delighted together

Tiny Miah had a giant love of vacuum cleaners!

at our children’s growth, and devoted ourselves to raising them, and learning to provide for them a peace and wholeness that neither of us felt in our own childhoods. There is no way to express the depth of change, learning, and determination that is required to learn to parent in a way so unlike what we knew, or even how we began. We’re still learning, but we can see, now, the vast benefits…not only to the children, but to us, because parenting with the intention of peaceful partnership has also healed us, as people and as a couple.

We have been with our infant as he died, the NICU fading out, until it was just us three, there at the end of his brief life, spent mostly in coma. And we embraced each other’s grief, not making Jim’s need for silence (still, almost ten years later), or mine to revisit (still, nearly ten years later), wrong or less than….

I know many words, and ways of stringing them together….but, for the profound gratitude of this man in my life, and in our childrens’, alive and happy, able to do most of what he wants – for this joyous gift, I have no words. Only a song in my soul, and warm, blissful tears….

 

Now, for the update….

My Big Three:

Finding Esta edit:

  • COMPLETED!!!!!!

Homeschooling reporting:

  • First Reading objective (a very small start!).

WANA113:

  • Read lessons 2 and 3.
  • More thought on action plans – nothing new written, thus far.
  • Pulled and colorblocked passages from 750 words relevant to this class (and others I want to play with, as well).

The early days – Miah, age 3, Lise, age 3 months, and Jim. almost 40.

Other things:

  • Answered several blog comments.
  • Looked over Jeremiah’s initial blog transfer research, and paid up.=)
  • 750 Words – fan fiction, expostion, and planning.
  • Catching up on sleep; even took a nap!

 

ROW80 sponsor visits:

Reading (will be part of action plan):

APE (Author, Publisher, Entrepreneur):

  • 33% complete

Wild Mind: Living the Writer’s Life:

  • 20% complete

 

Coming Attractions:

Tiny girl- giant taste for literature!

  • Jeremiah’s homeschool report
  •  Schedulekitten spaying for Srindi and Achoo.
  • Finish Big Blogging Grokking
  • More grokking action plans
  • Finish books

 

 

 

 

In honor of Jim, will you take a moment to share the miracles in your life?

It’s a BLOG HOP!

 

Self-portrait on the Metro, Washington, D.C. September 2, 2008

 

Related articles
by

Trusting a New Vision – #ROW80 Update 2/17/13

Curious? Click here!

Okay – I promised on Wednesday that there would be some major changes coming along today, and now it is time to deliver on that… I am in the midst of Kristen Lamb’s Blogging for Brand class, and have envisioned my ideal writing life, setting incremental goals to move me toward it. I shared the grand vision here. The first increment is the end of the class, which is roughly concurrent with the end of this round. These new goals look quite different than those I originally chose for this challenge, as they focus on moving me toward my big life goal. I had become accustomed to setting my goals in 80day cycles – the length of one round. Although I tried to choose goals that were aiming toward something, I hadn’t really defined what that something was, so I was moving nearer in a scattered fashion….so energy, time and focus were not being used as efficiently as they might be… I am shifting to these goals, and setting aside the previous (available, if you are curious and scroll down a bit), and I feel like I’m breathing fresher, purer air. I am now aimed at a target I can feel, and see clearly, rather than an ambiguous figure I can barely sense, hiding in the thick forest growth far ahead of me….

Sylvia’s miso vegetable soup….and Quirkle tiles….

In the meantime, I am still wrapping up my Big Three: WANA 113 –

  • Connected with all other class members through friending or friend requests.
  • Began connecting to other class members through social media – this will be an ongoing project, when time and focus permit.
  • Commented on others’ assignments, discussions,and blogs – this will also be ongoing, if intermittent.
  • Posted twice to my WANATribe blog.
  • More writing toward the novel and blogging action plans (detailed in my revised goals). Target is to have these completed by month’s end.
  • Finished reading the first lesson, and am taking a day or two to grok it before moving on to the second.

Editing Finding Esta –

  • Completed Chapter 26 – 72% of the project.

Homeschool reporting -

  • Finished Annalise’s, excepting the attendance.
  • Will begin Jeremiah’s later tonight…

What’s going on? Life’s full and busy. The children and I are visiting New Jersey friends, the Woodmans, this weekend – by the time Sunday is over, though, we will be home and Jim will be on vacation! There’s been:

  • Quirkle
  • Stimulating conversation that challenges me to think and rethink my assumptions
  • Walks in the dark with glow sticks
  • Nerf gun store stocked and operated by four children, ages 6 -11
  • Monster High doll, baby doll, and fashion play
  • Gorilla rides by Jeremiah
  • Skylanders and television
  • And a LOT of laughter!

Quirkle game in progress….

We arrived here at about 8:45pm on Friday, and were all up until close to noon on Saturday….a few hours’ sleep, and then we were up again…in a few hours, we’ll begin the five hour drive home, and Jim will officially be on vacation…since his last one was spent like this, we’re really looking forward to time just to be together, this year! Other stuff….

 

Purim hamantaschen in the making….

What’s coming up…. With Jim on vacation, I will have the luxury of a second on-call parent for much of the next two weeks, so I am panning accordingly:

  • I plan to finish both the Esta edit and Jeremiah’s rough draft this week, so that I can place my focus on my class, and on WANACon Day One on Friday. Then, I think I will relax a bit on Saturday, giving myself time to absorb.
  • The rest of my round will be devoted to the new goals and my class. There’s plenty to do, and I suspect I will be full of goodness, with the two lessons still unread, a photo editing site to play with, another grokking to complete…and those goals I set and am beginning to pursue….and whatever else Kristen has in store for us in the next weeks!

And, one final little bit of niftiness, to round out this Sunday report…. I received an email from a publication I submitted a poem to last year. They did not accept it, but this was the most personalized and encouraging rejection letter I have received yet! It included not only things I can improve upon, but also some very specific praise about the individuality of my cadence and rhythm. =) They’ve invited me to submit there again, and I shall…after a very thorough rereading of guidelines and sample copies!

It’s a BLOG HOP!

Related articles
by

Trusting in See-Saws – #ROW80 Update 2/6/13

Curious? Click here!

Sometimes, life is a bit like a seesaw, and I strive to find a balance as things shift and swirl….and I am inspired by a girl I know, to whom balance is a natural, integral part of every moment…

 

Trying something just a little new, here, tonight….

I am at 750 words, typing up my ROW80 update, while in the midst of editing, report writing, and contemplating what is proving to be a very challenging, soul-opening first pondering in the Blogging for Brand class.

I am low on time and focus for other things, just now, and so I am getting in my words, and my update, this way.

I should warn you – there are not likely to be many pithy thoughts in this writing….

For this session, I pretty much set aside everything but my current Big Three:

Completing the Second Edit of Finding Esta -

I am really enjoying this third read-through (and to say that at the third reading within the last month and a half is saying something pretty terrific for Shah Wharton‘s storytelling abilities!). I’ve found a way to edit that doesn’t give Amazon a chance to lose my work, and it’s working well on both sides of the intervening ocean.

  • I am currently poised to begin editing Chapter 12.
  • I have hit my target of three chapters a day, each day.
  • I am 28% of the way through this project.

I am planning to have this project done by February 15, because the children and I will be heading to New Jersey for that weekend, and, when we return, Jim’s vacation begins (for those who knew me at this point last year; Jim’s motorcycle-deer collision was at the eve of his “vacation” last year, so we are very eager to NOT have him in the hospital, this year!).

 

Annalise, at 4, weighing it out at the Saratoga Childrens’ Museam, Saratoga Springs, NY

Homeschool Reporting:

I have had a tendency, over the years, to allow this project to menace and loom over me. There was a time when this was not so – but that was before we had two utterly unexpected, and completely unfounded, allegations made to Child Protective Services. We strongly suspect we know who called, and the reasons had much more to do with broken interpersonal relationships than they did with how we are raising our children.

The social workers who visited were able to see that, but the school district we are required to register with and report to got nervous when they were called to verify that we were in compliance with the law…and the result of that was that, for more than two years, everything we did was minutely scrutinized, and many demands were made that were not in keeping with the law (which I have been reading since 11 year old Jeremiah was 2!).

So, I became paranoid, itemizing everything we did, and making it hugely clear that Jeremiah and Annalise are indeed being afforded “an education at least substantively equivalent to that which they would receive in a public school” – and in spades….the simple fact is that no classroom, no matter how well appointed, can compare to the big wide world of choices and connections available outside school walls…..

I digress, and in a big way.

The point is, I am now scaling back the reporting. There is so much evidence, publicly accessible, of what these children are doing, learning, and becoming, that I can provide far more proof than I’ll ever need to, already.

Annalise’s Tower of Plaza, from the summer she turned 5….this girl has inborn balance. Me, not so much, but I’m learning!

So, I am just giving a cursory report, this time, with a few general ways in which we have met each point in the children’s IHIPs. At the end of each, I am noting

“This objective was met for this quarter.“

Schools and other bureaucratic systems like to read that, maybe more than the details. It gives them something to tick off in their minds.

  • I have decided to do Annalise’s report first, then Jeremiah’s.
  • I have reached the Social Sciences section; about a third of the way through.

I am hoping to have the rough draft of Annalise’s report completed by February 10.

Blogging for Brand class –

I am going to upgrade my participation in this class, on the reasoning that this first assignment is already shifting so much for me (and that’s with the editing and reporting, which seem to be limiting my energy for getting out and about at WANATribe.)

  • I have spent some time in freewriting, to get my thoughts out and whirling.
  • I have reread my Prime Directives, because they seem to hold the key to what I want my writing to do.
  • I have pulled the written segments out, reread them, and given them a loose structure.
  • There will be more writing on this, but I will share whatever I have ready with the class on Sunday, even if, as I suspect, I am a long way from finished gnawing at this bone.

Upside down, hanging’ out on a swing, age 4.75. I love the girl with the dancing eyes!

I’ve done some other little things, but I will wait until Sunday to post them….it’s nearly 10pm already, and Jim has just gotten home.

Until I have my Big Three closer to completed, I am putting all other goals on standby status.

Are you deep in your goals, puttering around, or somewhere else….I love hearing your stories!

It’s a BLOG HOP!

Related articles
by

Deep and Trustful Excavations, #ROW80 1/16/13

Have your goals led to new understandings?

Curious? Click here!

 It’s been a busy few days here, for me, more in areas of life other than writing. I’ve spent time hometending – something I generally do on Sundays, because I tend to take time to relax during Monday and Tuesday, when Jim doesn’t work, and because short bursts of hometending fit well with working on my update.

Monday found me answering a passel of neglected comments, editing, and reading the two books I want to review this round. I have noticed that I tend to need that day’s space, after writing these updates, which uses a lot of creative energy.

Tuesday, I worked out, then, after I came home, Jim took the kids on a Daddy Night to Chuck E. Cheese and to do the grocery shopping for the week. I had already decided to spend time in a focused effort to finish up Annalise’s floor.

I had downloaded two Paul Simon albums – Graceland and The Rhythm of the Saints– to my Kindle on Monday night, so I set the tablet on a bookcase in her room, set to shuffle and repeat. It’s worth mentioning that, while I like a lot of music, there is no other singer who comes close to Paul Simon for me, and I found great inspiration in it!

And then – I cleaned. For more than three hours, minus a few very short breaks.

During the course of that time, I encountered so many memories of a smaller, younger Annalise, who had other passions, then.

When I was a child, cleaning my room was somewhere between torture and impossibility. I was, as Annalise now is, cluttered and expansive. My things were routinely dropped and instantly forgotten as my ever-busy mind moved on to the next shiny pretty…

My mother was determined to break me of that habit, even though my father is much the same.

Her insistence came in many forms, over the years. There were the days spent, with my sister trapped in our room until it was clean enough to pass muster. When we were smaller, we played games- taking everything and piling it in the middle of the room, then jumping over it, and cleaning an item each time; role playingThe Odd Couple, with one of us as Felix, chivvying Oscar along.

Other times, our mother would become enraged, and go through our room with a vengeance. Those times, precious items were sacrificed, and there was often hitting and always screaming and berating.

Image courtesy Google.

Once, when we were teenagers, she made her point in supremely humiliating fashion, by throwing many of our items outside after dark, and locking us out of the house with them, leaving us alone in the yard.

I regret that I have done some of these things to my own children, and profoundly grateful that I don’t now.

And, while cleaning in Annalise’s room, I think I realized why I had such powerful reactions.

I was reflecting the attitude my own mother carried – that it is a child’s duty to clean up after themselves (no matter whether they are remotely able to do so). And, like her, when the mess got to be too much for me to handle, I became reactive, and blamed that on my children, even though the conflict was really based in my not accepting the reality of who my children are.

I became the put-upon martyr in my own story, and the whole family suffered.

The time I took away from cleaning the children’s rooms was life-changing. I had time to realize that I didn’t need to clean them, and time to realize that these were their spaces, and not mine to command.

Image via Google.

And now, when I clean, I am enjoying the gift I am giving her, and the memories.

As I clean each space, Annalise has moved into it, and, many times, she has expressed her appreciation at “the best gift ever!” Once, I would have been angry that she was “messing up what I just cleaned”. I would have expected her to be grateful for my supreme sacrifice.

Now, I am thrilled at her appreciation, because I know it springs from joy. And, when she spends time in the spaces I’ve cleaned, I feel joy that she can revel in it, and claim it for her own.

I’m trusting in that joy, and that, even if I spend years longer in helping her to manage her room and her things, that it will be worth it, for this delight and ownership my efforts bring her…

And, in that, I am finding my own joy and healing for the little girl I was, who never had the joy of a mother who cleaned her room for no other reason than to honor her and bring her happiness.

The view, Wednesday, out my bedroom window across the backyard.

On that note, I will give myself time to soak up that feeling, and update my ROW80 progress.

Round 1 goals post

Current Update, sans commentary

Creating:

WIP Novels:

Complete rough draft of Sima Garo Provides.

  • I have used 750 words to write notes for Chapter Eleven Scene 4.

Flash Fiction:

Create new flash fiction weekly through prompts, challenges, envisioning WIP scenes, and original ideas.

  • Lots of thoughts and beginnings of plots; nothing written as yet.

  • One idea is to write a flash story for each Aletris-related pin on my Pinterest boards…

Exposition:

Return to –750 words.com use this space for free expository writing, and strive to write there every day.

Write book reviews forBowlful of BunniesandFinding Esta, once I have finished reading them.

Bowlful of Bunnies – reading completed.

  • Next up will be writing impressions during my expository writing time.

  • No timeframe yet for the review itself, as I want to see what freewriting turns up, first.

Finding Esta – reading 31% complete.

  • Scheduling days where reading is a priority. Monday, for sure, and possibly Thursday.

Complete one essay or other piece of expository writing each week.

  • I wrote a piece on cleaning Annalise’s bedroom in 750 words. It is still unedited, and possibly incomplete.

  • I will edit and post to The Unfettered Life later in the week.

Potential Cleanliness…..some excavation required. =)

Connecting:

Blogging:

Create blog rolls for shanjeniah (writers and resources), and Trueborn Jottings (resources and inspiration).

Write at least one post weekly for three major blogs (shanjeniah; TruebornJottings, andThe Unfettered Life.

  • I have posts in progress for two blogs, and an idea for the third.

Visiting:

Complete all ROW80 sponsor visits twice weekly; comment, and share posts I read.

Submit guest posts, at least once monthly.

ROW8o Sponsor Post -

  • I submitted my post early Wednesday.

  • Goal completed for January.

Social Media:

Visit Pinterest, SheWrites, or StoryDam at least weekly. Get a better sense of how each works, and build my presence there with sharing, commenting, and asking questions.

  • Pinterest – I’ve added over a dozen pictures to my previously empty Spockerotica board. There are more pictures of my very favorite (half) Vulcan, but this is a happy beginning.

Continue visiting and interacting through Facebookand Twitter, especially via relevant groups, several times a week.

  • Facebook – Scrolling, sharing, posting, several groups.

  • Twitter – Followed, scrolling, sharing, posting.

An act of cleanness (and kindness) was committed here! =D

Claiming:

Poetry Book Project:

  • Complete a rough draft compilation, with dedication, introduction, and conclusion.

  • I’ve given some thought to the dedication, introduction, and conclusion, but, as yet, nothing is written.

Owning My Perspective and Experiences:

At least once weekly, use expository writing time to explore memories, wounds, healing, perspective, or personal philosophy.

  • I wrote about my attitude while cleaning Annalise’s room, as compared to the attitude I used to bring to cleaning.

  • I have been thinking of writing Annalise a letter about this.

  • Goal attained for this week.

Continue my eating and health goals from Round 4, 2012. Aim to get to the Y once alone, and once with the children, each week.

  • I made it to theYagain this week, on Tuesday, for my most intense workout of the new year.

  • I’ve talked with Jim about the possibility of us dropping him off at work and sharing the car one day a week, so that I can take the kids to the Y and elsewhere during his work week.

  • I continue to attend to my need for food -currently, I am focusing on eating soon after I wake, because I have a tendency not to eat for several hours, then to be ravenously hungry late at night.

  • My writing energy has fluctuated between Ebb and Slack Tides. I’ve mostly been doing hometending, both in writing (sponsor visits, editing sponsor post, reading, answering comments), and in life (general cleaning, Lise’s room, fire wood).

Reclaiming Our Home:

  • Clean Annalise’s and Jeremiah’s bedrooms, creating spaces of welcome and haven for them, with room for their favorite things and activities.

  • I nearly completed Annalise’s floor (my bonus goal), on the 15th. I only needed to do a little more on the floor, but, after a good workout and three hours spent on Tuesday, I was too sore and tired to do it.

  • Next up, her loft, shelves, and drawers. I’m aiming to finish these by the 25th, so that I will have 6 days left to help her sort whatever remains of her bins and bags.

At least weekly, work on an area where clutter tends to take over, such as the games cupboard, round table, my office, computer desk, coat cabinet, bathroom dresser, and my personal spaces.

  • I spent a few hours in general cleaning and decluttering on Sunday. No specific project areas, but I do have some ideas.

So, there we have it -from the ground up, here are my goals for this first round of my second year of ROW80. I trust that I will know whether these are working or not, and will take appropriate action.

Give us a happy face, or five…as Frankie Stein, and as a cat (Miah did the cat makeup.)

A few last points:

I plan to work on each major goal every session, and work in the minor goals as my time and focus allow.

  • It was a bit of a hustle, and I did a few of these during the course of writing this update, which I prefer not to do. Still, it feels good to be able to say that I worked on all of my major goals!

I will evaluate my goals, progress and preferences at least twice monthly, and adjust accordingly.

  • My first evaluation will be included in my Sunday post.

  • I have several adjustments and observations in mind, so far.

It’s a BLOG HOP!

Related articles
by

Late Season’s Hiatus – #ROW80 Update 12/19/12

What do you do when words and comprehension fail?  Will you share, please?  

Curious? Click here.

I know my updates are generally much more complex than this…but, the truth is, the writing-related things I’ve done this session are not product-oriented.

I’ve been mulling, pondering, musing, simmering, processing, percolating, composting, conversing, gaming, swimming, reading, and commenting…but not writing.

There was a time, not so long ago (like, at the beginning of the year, for instance), when this would have bothered me enough that I would have forced myself to write anything at all,regardless of quality.

Because of ROW80, I am instead choosing to go with this space and energy.

But, because I am who and what I am, I am also filling this post with images of my happy, thriving, peaceful children, in celebration of childhood, joy, and wonder.

There has been a jolt of sorrow, shock, and horror in the world, and I am responding empathetically on many levels…as a human, an adult, a parent, and as a mother who has suffered the death of a child…

And as a grown child of abuse, as a schoolroom outcast who was the target of bullies –    themselves likely abused and hurting.

And as a person who chose, from the beginning, not to send my living children off to school…for many reasons, one of which was an instinctive and unshakeable conviction that they, like all young mammals belong with their mother until they can reliably tend to their own needs in an adult world.

So many facets and perspectives…so many things running through my mind.  So much I want to say; so many assumptions I think ought to be questioned….so many people who are so dear to me, and who must be experiencing this even more viscerally than I.

All the children – the victims and the shooters – who died, because people are being broken so severely and often in this society that the brokenness explodes into horrific violence.

So very much I want to say..and so little ability to find words…or even coherent thoughts…for them.

I’m feeling both potent and powerless…

I know there is another way, because I live it, and so do many of my family’s friends.  I know it is a more peaceful way, and that its focus is very, very far removed from the world of school.  I want to share it, to offer an alternative, but I do not want to offend, or attempt to open minds closed to this reality.

I can’t write about it, or release the need to examine it, somehow fit it into my reality, maybe find meaning in it that I can distill and share…

So this is the longest thing I’ve written since Sunday, when I last updated, and completed the rough draft of my short story, “Morning Coffee”.

I am OK with not writing.  I need to be quiet with what’s moving within me.

My goal for this round is to honor myself…and this feels like a time to truly attend to that goal. 

So I am choosing to honor the need for stillness, and to leave my laptop closed for the time I need to…even if that means I finish the round with many dangling projects.

I’m learning how to post from my Kindle Fire, which lends itself to shorter, maybe less profound posts.  I’m doing my best to be gentle with myself as well as others.

And I will share my reading list here, for sharing…with a caution that there are many views  expressed in this list.  I do not agree with everything in this list, as you may not…but all of it seems somehow relevant, because all of these viewpoints and stories are a part of the world in which we live.

  • Over Achieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies Revisited (I am not a fan of the Elf – manipulating children with threats is not in keeping with the Christmas spirit, or respecting children, to my view.  Also, my kids were creeped out y the idea of elves, fairies, jolly strange fat men,and bunnies traipsing through our house spyin on them and stealing teeth when they did believe, and both are relieved to know that it was all fictional).
  • Nine Signs That You Might be an Introvert (I thought I was about evenly balanced between introversion and extroversion….but I have  8 of the 9 signs.  Maybe why I choose to go within myself and quiet at times like this?)
  • Apologies to the battered child (from a parent in process) (This spoke to me on so many levels, with deep truth.  I have been, to a lesser extent, that child and that parent.  Profound gratitude at learning a new and healthier way while my children were still young, and with my, and trust could be rebuilt.  A wish that my own parents could see that their actions had lifelong impact on their children, and that they were willing to hear and know that, and to move together toward whatever healing might be possible, for us.)
  • What would you do, Mom?  (This chilled me.  That teachers must think along these veins, that children are required by law to attend school, where they can become targets….this is too big for me. I do not understand why this is in any way okay, and I feel like weeping for all those children while profoundly grateful that Jeremiah and Annalise are not there.  Suddenly, the tedium of those homeschool reports and requirements seem far less tedious by comparison….and I am intentionally bathing all the schoolchildren, all of their teachers, and all who come in contact with them in love and peace…because I can’t think of a more useful or healing response…)
  • Connecticut School Shooting Tragedy: Child Trauma is at the Heart of Every Act of Violence (This is a post from an unschooling author whose views are often a bit too extreme, reactive, and generalized for my tastes.  While I would argue the use of ‘every’ in the title, because some diseases, like schizophrenia, can lead to violence without there being childhood trauma, I do believe that there is a general tendency in our culture to see children from the outside in, with little to no effort invested in seeing how the way they are treated is experienced from their perspective…and I believe that this lack of empathy and understanding that things seen as trivial to adults can be devastating to a child’s psyche.  I believe this because I have lived it. To this day, my parents would assert that what they did to me was never that bad, and yet, the more I learn myself, the more fractured places I find, places I know were broken when I was small, because I retain the experience of that breaking…)
  • SOS (Jeremiah and I were watching Saving the Titantic on PBS on Friday, and got talking about Morse code, Marconi machines, and SOS.  So we looked this up to see what SOS stands for –  nothing, as it turns out – and played this clip.  We both learned something –  unschooling win on a difficult day.)
  • I am Adam Lanza’s Mother (this troubled me –  that the mother used her child’s image, and that her litany of what she has tried does not seem to have included simply accepting her child as is, with his sensitivity to stimuli that is likely being  hugely overtaxed in a restrictive school environment, and her seeming assumption that every outburst is due to a diagnosis, and her listing of the many drugs he’s been medicated with, without seeming to question what effects those drugs may have had on him…but, mostly, I hurt for her child, whose difficulties she has made so very public, and I wonder if she thought to secure his approval before posting these details of his life without ever giving his perspective on any of it.  I wrestled with including this link, because I don’t want to spread this…and yet, this seems to me to really point out some of the attitudes and assumptions that may lead to violence, and certainly cause breakage of the child’s spirit and strength of self.)
  • You Are Not Adam Lanza’s Mother (A balance and response for the last article, this one seems more rational, points out the assumptions and deficits in the original post, and made a strong case for exploring the child’s point of view.)
  • ‘Childism’ – As Utterly Unacceptable as Sexism and Racism (This I loved, although it also disturbed me.  It speaks to the blatant public shaming that has become fashionable of late, with Internet humiliations by parents who do not see that their bullying and disrespect of their children will not and cannot lead to true respect from those children, that children are people as much as any other, and deserving of the same calibre of respect as any adult.  It doesn’t go so far as to discuss whether laws demanding all young humans of certain ages must attend school are constitutionally acceptable for American citizens.  The Supernanny clip really moved me –  I used to watch the show and follow those practices –  and I will readily admit that they did not help, and had me spending a lot of time as enforcer.  Our home was not remotely as peaceful, connected or joyous as it has since become… I wanted to scoop up that little baby boy whose feelings were being so ignored, peel those offensive and trapping T-shirts off those siblings who likely have been given no effective tools for dealing with the inevitable conflicts of a shared life, and get down on that floor to listen to a child so distraught they would allow themselves to be dragged across afloor for the simple hope that their needs and wants might be heard and counted as important.  Short of being able to do any of that, I can share this article, and hope it might widen a perspective or two along the way…)
  • Conversations (If I could count the number of times people have spoken to mychildren in this vein.  It is a scripted interaction, and the questioner, because this is not a conversation as much as what I assume is well-intentioned interrogation, is always something at a loss when my children proclaim that they are not and never have been in a grade, that I am not their teacher, and then, generally, steer the conversation to a more interesting and equal footing. A good number fade away rather than engage in anything remotely meaningful…their intention was not to truly engage, apparently.  My guess is that, to them, children are incapable of deeper interaction, or perhaps not worthy of it.  In any event, this tendency of adults to quiz children and to behave as though school ought to be the focus and framework of their lives mystifies Jeremiah and Annalise, who lead rich, textured, and school-free lives, and would love to talk to you about their passions!)

Well, after my comments, I feel that there is something I can say, now…it’s not all I want to say, but it brings a sense of peace.

I don’t need to say more than what I have, just now, so I will simply list my ROW80 Sponsor Visits (sorry, comments have been a little slow, due to my needing to cocoon a bit  and be still with my thoughts).

So that’s it, for me, except to echo Tia Silverthorne Bach…

I encourage you to enact some random acts of kindness. Especially for yourself – most of us are far too hard on ourselves, or moving far too fast for our own good.

And for children.

Too often, children are given what are perceived to be kindnesses from an adult viewpoint….but the child does not see life as we do, and, as I go deeper into a partnership connection with my own children, and they confide in me openly, I see that there are many courtesies children would appreciate, but which adults might not even consider…

More on that soon…my own children are asleep, at an hour when they often are awake, and Jim is home from work, and our little nest is feathered with sweet, soft peace.  I am going to eat a shrimp and veggie quesadilla made just for me, and settle back into just being for a few hours…

I just realized that this is the official final check-in, but I will be posting mine on Sunday, after the round ends.

 

 I choose to focus on sweetness.  Will you join me?

 ROW80 updates  linky..

Related articles
by

Joyous Busyness – Thankvember NaNoROW, 11/28/12

 

Curious? Click here!

It’s been a productive few days, here, on many levels. Jim spent most of his Monday and Tuesday taking care of seasonal errands. The children both fell in love with my new Kindle Fire HD, and decided that they would like their own as Christmas gifts this year. Jim and I worked the budget, and realized that we could manage it. So we ordered them with the understanding that this was our Christmas budget, so there will be stockings and no big presents on Christmas Day – Jeremiah has asked for a big bag of barbecue chips (his favorite), and five dollars. Annalise has mentioned Littlest Pet Shops and Zhu Zhu Pets – and there will of course be treats of assorted varieties!

I have been writing – mostly the reports, which are due this weekend. I’ve been sneaking in bits and pieces of my NaNo WIP , and a little of my Thankvember Blog Hop posting. That will become a higher priority during the current session, since the blog hop ends on Friday, and I am currently three days behind.

In other news, Achoo the kitten is getting big and strong. Her tiny baby mew is maturing into an actual meow, and she is very interested in connecting with Srindi and Squeak.

Speaking of the bigger girls, they are adjusting. A little more than a week after their arrival, both are easing into the flow of life at our house.

Srindi, Miah’s kitten, seems to like smaller, enclosed spaces, and observing the sights and sounds around her. She has staked a claim to my office, and is gradually exploring it. During the day, she tends to stay behind or under something at the edges of the room, but, once things quiet, she moves out into the open. Yesterday, for the first time, we spotted her on the table where Achoo eats, and also lying, alert yet relaxed, on my office chair. She has let Jeremiah touch her a few times, and likes to be talked softly to. She’s a bit uncertain about Achoo, but is getting used to her.

Squeak, Annalise’s kitten, is more of an adventurer. She likes larger areas to hide beneath, and moves more frequently – first, under our bed; then under the family room couch; and, the last day or two, under the kitchen counters. She and Achoo have struck up a close friendship, but she hasn’t yet allowed any of us to touch her. She seems to have recovered fully from her spaying, and has explored the kitchen, family room, and bedrooms, thus far.

Both of the bigger girls use litter boxes, and Achoo had chosen a cleaning rag forgotten in a corner. She’s now getting the hang of the box.

I’m not sure that Srindi and Squeak know yet that their sister is here, as they have been mostly in separate rooms. We are all looking forward to their eventual and hopefully happy reunion.

All signs say that we will eventually have three cats who get along well with each other, and are at ease living with us. =D

 

Photo courtesy Amazon Kindle. Click for source.

First, a few New Things, as the November Challenges wind down…

I’ve attained one of my Big Five for November. Two more are well underway. The last two are ongoing, and I am current with them.

That means a little room is clearing up in my mind and my writing flow, and so, I am adding a few small secondary projects to the list, to fill in the gaps that will be appearing as other things are finished or humming along nicely.

Resume using Twitter for reading, commenting, posting, and connecting.

  • Twitter is becoming more naturally a part of my life. I am especially enjoying reading articles, and connecting in a more concise way.
  • I’ve gone through my “Who to Follow” list, where I found some friends, and let intuition and curiosity lead me to new following adventures.

Catch up with comments on shanjeniah.

  • I have answered all current questions, and have attained this goal.
  • I’ve resumed my pattern of answering comments on Mondays and Thursdays.

 Modified #ROW80 / #NaNoWriMo Projects November 1-30, 2012

 I have completed theNaNoWriMo Challenge . I’m focusing on the homeschool reports, and interspersing smaller projects – “hometending” in my writing spaces, both physical and virtual, so that I can ring in 2013 fresh and ready for new and continuing writing adventures.

I am serving as a  ROW80 sponsor for this round.

  • I visited on my established Monday/Thursday schedule.

 

Curious? Click here!

I will be participating in NaNoWriMo throughout November, writing at least 50,000 words of another novel in my TruebornWeft series, Sima Garo Provides.

  • I tend to get quite solitary when I am noveling. I intend, this time, to visit my buddies at least a few times each during the round, and to visit the NaNoWriMo 2012 Facebook Page at least once a day, as well as the #NaNoWriMo folks over atTwitter.
  • I’ve checked in at the Facebook page, offering congratulations, support, and cheering.
  • I’ve visited with folks over at #nanowrimo for cheering, kudos and community.
  • I am beginning to read the other interviews at My Write Spot (mine went up on the 16th).
  • This goal is being set aside until December, or until I clear the November projects.
  • I will be posting updates here, and likely also on my shanjeniah’s Trueborn blog.
  • I didn’t get that much writing done on this project this session, as I have been focused on the quarterly reports for the children.
  • This session’s excerpt:
  • A very short excerpt, this time…
  • Sima Garo Provides – Chapter Ten, Scene 3 (in progress)
  • And, of course, I will be writing a novel this month…or 50,000 words of one, anyway! =)
  • My current word count is: 55,361. My goal is to finish the month with 56,000 words or more. Getting closer! =D

 

Yum! Public domain image. Click for source.

Fitness Goals – I will focus on eating before I am hungry (and getting protein and magnesium into every other time I eat). I will be active enough that I can always feel my body and muscles. I will add more fruits and vegetables to my diet, and be more attentive to how much water I am drinking.

  • I will be recording my progress here, along with my energy levels for that Sunday – Tuesday or Wednesday – Saturday period.
  • Sunday- Monday are still at Slack Tide, with hints of an approaching High Tide.
  • I continued with moderate to mellow hometending, and a bit of organization.
  • I’ve done a bit of abs work, and a little dancing.
  • I have been following a more intuitive and natural approach to eating and drinking, and allowing myself to feel my body’s wishes.
  • Continuing with conscious eating, and doing a little better with attending to my water intake.
  • We are continuing, as a family, to add more whole ingredients to our shopping lists.
  • I am eating more foods in a state closer to their natural one, and that feels good!

 

Annalise’s independent magnetic pattern block art – 2010, at age 6.

Moving ahead with the Reporting Pages projects for both children..

  • These are non-negotiable and due on December 1, 2012.
  • I actually have a little extra time with these….they are due on Saturday, but there will be no one in the office to accept them until Monday morning, so, if needed, I will use that little bit of time as an unofficial “grace period”.
  • I will be making these a primary focus in this and coming sessions, until complete, edited, linked, submitted, and posted. I would like to clear this obligation from my mental clutter list – and the sooner, the better!! =D
  • I am moving forward into the endgame of this project.
  • I will report my progress here with each update.
  • I completed Annalise’s Visual Arts and Music sections, and am currently writing her Foreign Language Arts section.
  • I completedJeremiah’s United States History andPatriotism and Citizenship sections, and am currently writing hisGeography section.

 

Curious? Click here!

I am participating in the Thankvember Blog Hop.

I will be scheduling them ahead where and when I can. When I can’t, I will do them at some point throughout the day.

  • I’ve been focused on the quarterly reports, and completed only one post for this session:
  • Laughter – Thankvember Twenty- Fifth
  • Posts for Thankvember Twenty-Sixth and -Seventh are in varying stages of creation, and I have tentative ideas to carry me through the rest o the month.
  • I am still hoping to complete all these posts before midnight on the 30th, so they will be my secondary focus between now and then – just behind the reports.

My overarching goal for this round remains: To Honor Myself– my rhythms, energy, needs, truth, dreams, desires, and emotions.

After I post this report, it’s back to some fairly intensive writing for me, as I wrap up my November goals.

At the next update, I will have a few new goals, as I transition back to my pre-November projects until completed, or the end of the round arrives.

I also have an idea for December, but I will keep that to myself, just for now….

May your days be bright and busy with joyous creation!

Me, on the Atlantic Coast in York, Maine, September, 2007. Photo by Eden Mabee.

It’s a BLOG HOP!

Related articles
by

Laughter – Thankvember Twenty-Fifth

Curious? Click here!

Laughter – Thankvember Twenty-Fifth

Today, I am paying tribute to our family’s secret superpower – laughter!

Laughter has been much on my mind, these last weeks, and, since I’ve written two pretty nifty poems about it recently, I am going to repost them as today’s gratitude.

May you enjoy, chortle, chuckle, giggle, titter….

Last Night, We Laughed

Last night, we laughed,

Annalise and I, together.

She is 8, and I am 43

And yet we were bound

In that just-right moment

By the sheer hilarity

Of the mental image

Of unicorns…

Vomiting

Through

Their

horns

!

Annalise as a pink unicorn rider!

And, on a slightly more serious note….

 

Laughter

Tonight, I am home alone.

With the television – music and inane advertising,

The pleasant and the irksome, in turns.

The rattlehum of the heater bouncing gently

Up and down the hall.

Predictably warm, and comforting on a chill night.

The rattling ting of the dog’s tags as he moves

The guinea pigs’ deep purrs and high squeaks.

Remind me that this solitude includes them.

The slliiissshhhthump of hot water

hitting a plastic milk jug, and the

so-soft pip-pop of newly born bubbles.

The slightly discordant symphony of

Our motley collection of dishes

clank tinkle sliding into order again.

And, woven through and all around,

The memory echoes of the music

That most defines my life.

It is the music of laughter,

Of giggles, and squeals, and sometimes snorts

Bubbling, exploding, surprising.

It runs through our lives and our souls

Like a flowing river, alive, mutable

Its song burbling mirth.

It is our nourishment and sustenance

The force that connects us one to the rest.

Our not-so-secret superpower.

Jeremiah and I share a laugh after a swim in the lake.

I hope I gave you a chuckle, a guffaw, a snort, or a snicker –

 

Or maybe all of them, and more!

Laughter, I love you! Thanks for the laughs!

It’s a Blog Hop!

Related articles
by

Oh, Sandy! – ROW80 Goals Update, Oct. 28,2012

Curious? Click here!

I had wanted to add a bit more to this post, but, with a hurricane looming and most of a day spent in preparation for what looks to be a pretty major storm, I don’t have what it takes to be pithy, so this will be a basic update….hopefully, by Wednesday, the storm will have passed, and we will be returning to our preciously scheduled lives….. =D

 

 

 

Honoring Myself  (Original goals post)

 

My goal for this round is to honor myself – my rhythms, energy, needs, truth, dreams, desires, and emotions.

 

A fundamental part of that is to identify my energy type each day, and summarize what I do. It’s my hope that, throughout the round, patterns will emerge which lead to a more joyful, organic writing flow – one that honors me and allows me to get the most out of my seldom predictable writing time.

 

Scarecrows….and not.

My energy levels and poems for the last few days..

  • Wednesday: Slack Tide, with shades of High Tide. Mellow hometending. Moved some firewood. Played CakeMania 2 for a bit; watched some TV; played with planning and ideas. ROW80 update and OctPoWriMo completed.
  • Poem: Wheel Spins
  • Thursday: Slack Tide with stronger shades of High Tide. Visit from my dear friend, Eden Mabee, who came to return Jeremiah’s laptop, which needed specialized attention. We talked about stories a little, and she helped me learn more about Scrivener. She left with my defective external hard drive, where photos and writing have been trapped for over a year, now.
  • And, a few hours after she left, she messaged me to say that it was working, and my 2009 NaNo draft (incomplete) was there! I had been preparing to recreate it, and now I am rereading what is really good so far! I completed my story plan, and my poem, and visited my nines and some OctPoWriMo poets. Answered some comments at shanjeniah.
  • Poem:  Yet Another Love Poem
  • Friday: Slack Tide, High Tide approaching. Some hometending, but tired and headachy. Finished reading Blood and Breath, my 2009 NaNo WIP. Input it into Scrivener. I will finish the draft there, likely over the winter. Worked a little on kids’ reporting pages. Played Animal Crossing for a while.
  • Poem: I Ask No Forgiveness
  • Saturday: Slack Tide, High Tide closer. I’ve had that unsettled feeling that comes before a phase of intense creativity. Also, the moon is near full, and there is a major storm headed our way. The children and I went to our village’s Fall Festival for a little while – a pleasant walk on a midfall, pre-storm day. Treats were purchased, Lise bounced in a dragon’s belly, we met some greyhounds, took some pictures, and Miah was grumpy because he was up most of Friday night learning Japanese, and woke earlier than he wanted to in order to come with us. I wrote my poem, did a little hometending, and started to clean up the yard in preparation for the storm. I spent some time exploring Twitter, and actually going though the tutorial. I reviewed suggestions to my logline- in-progress and was active on the NaNoWriMo Fcebook Page.
  • Poem: Beneath Visibility

    The Stillwater Blockhouse (replica).

What’s goin’ on..?

 

Priority Projects –

 

I am serving as a sponsor for this round.

 

The Hudson River, from the corner of the Blockhouse, Stillwater, NY, October 27, 2012.

I am participating in the OctPo WriMo Challenge throughout October.

I will be participating in NaNoWriMo throughout November, writing at least 50,000 words of another novel in my Trueborn Weft series, Sima Garo Provides.

  • Some major breakthroughs this last day or two – big, exciting ones!
  • I have completed my open-ended plan!
  • I’ve set the novel up on Scrivener, and a visit from my dear friend, Eden Mabee, has given me a far better understanding of the program. I am now really looking forward to composing in it.
  • I’ve entered some research, and set up the templates for the character sketches.
  • I now know an important piece of information that will enrich both this story, and a later installment that I have played with intermittently for years.
  • In tangentially related BIG NEWS, my lost NaNo from 2009, Blood and Breath, was released from my broken external hard drive, where I feared it might vanish forever!
  • I reread the draft, and moved it into Scrivener, where I expect to complete it over the winter months.
  • I have created a pretty awesome (to me, anyway!) SpotifyPlaylist just for NaNo, with music that inspires and delights me. I hope to add to it, and listen frequently during the next weeks.

 

Unsettled skies over the river….

I will be answering a rather embarrassing backlog of blog comments that have, in some cases, waited for months.

  • I will be answering comments atshanjeniah on Mondays and Thursdays, as long as that provides the best balance and timing for answering comments.
  • Answered comments on Thursday.
  • Answer the waiting comments on The Unfettered Life .
  • Nothing for this for this update. NaNo and other things have edged it out. Once I have things settled, though, I plan to return to a more regular pattern, here.

New Fitness Goals – I will focus on eating something each time I am hungry (and getting protein and magnesium into every other time I eat). I will be active enough that I can always feel my body and muscles. I will add more fruits and vegetables to my diet, and be more attentive to how much water I am drinking.

  • On the whole, I am eating more fruits, vegetables, whole grains, protein, magnesium, and drinking more water. I’ve been less attentive this week than last, due to the turning inward of storyweaving, but I seem to be doing reasonably well at natural balance so long as we are home…I want a better approach for when we are out and about, though.
  • I have been moderately active each day, despite too little sleep and a body given over to perimenopause and unpredictability. My activities have included driving the Subaru (standard transmission), hometending yard cleanup, dancing and stretching, moving firewood, and walking.
  • I can feel my body, and it both feels and looks slightly trimmer and better toned, this last week or so.

    I don’t know who carved them but they are festive!

Short Term or Intermittent Projects:

 

New Projects:

Complete Logline Lesson reading, draft logline, and submit to class.

  • A week ago, I didn’t know what a logline is, and I am excited to learn, create, and then improve upon my creation. This will help me target my revisions for WIPs, and assist in future works Critiquing Robks, as well.
  • I continue to work on my drafts and receive feedback from the instructor.
  • With the latest input from the instructor, I feel I very nearly have a logline! There are a couple of small wording changes I am going to sleep on, and I will likely decide sometime Sunday.
  • The webinar is Monday evening, and I plan to participate – this will be first for me!

 

Sweetness!

Read existing segments, and write my portion of Write A Story With Me!

  • Ironing out the linking for this.

 

Moving ahead with the Reporting Pages projects for both children..

  • My long-range goal, for the rest of this month, is to have enough material for each topic to construct the main body of the report, so that completing the reports does not conflict with my NaNo participation.
  • I completed Jeremiah’s English Language Usage Page.
  • I completed Annalise’s Arithmetic Page.
  • Jeremiah’s Arithmetic Page is mostly done, and may be y the time this update posts.
  • This project is not going as quickly as I had hoped. It’s much less fun than fiction writing, and it’s not writing I would see value in, if the law didn’t require it. It’s a dessicated retelling of each child’s rich, vibrant, and deeply personal learning life. I find it very easy to push these to the side and do writing I am personally passionate about, instead.
  • I do feel I have things at a point, nearing the quarters’ end, where I can come to it in lulls, add descriptions for a point or two, and then return to the more interesting parts of life…and I feel the blogs will make the whole process smoother…and, eventually, far more lively than it has ever been.

    Checking out the spot where her milk tooth recently and finally fell out, revealing a well-descending permanent tooth behind…love my windblown free spirit!

Revise and submit “Claiming My Passions”- WIP submission to the Pittsburgh Flash Fiction Gazette .

  • This is another goal temporarily shelved. I suspect it will be perfect to pull out if and when I feel the Sima Garo Provides well running a little dry. Or if I seem to need to do something else in these last anxious days of wishing it were NaNo already!

 

What I’ve been reading…and watching!

Related articles