Tag Archives: childhood

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ROW Goals Update #10

Excerpt from  my 12/3/99  Writing Practice:

(…And musings from today, 5/6/12)

I’d write more and better, if only…:

  • I had a brand new computer… (my Sweet L’il Lenovo does everything I need, and then some.  It’s not brand new.  It’s a returned lease laptop, and I bought it on Ebay  for a mere $117.99). 
  • A room of my own… (I’m not sure why I thought this was a big deal, when it was just Jim and I then, and our work schedules allowed me time alone most days).  Now, I have a cubby of my own, about 8′ by 10′, made from three wall bookshelves bolted to the wall and each other, with no door, and in clear sound range of our common living areas.  I have two active children who do not attend school, and mess and noise and work come with them – and I find writing time and space far more easily than I did, back in 1999).

Sweet morning message. =)


  • Nothing but free time… (Free time is one of those concepts that far too often goes un – examined.  How much of my time MUST be given to other things,with no choice on my part?  Very little, really.  These days, I find that pockets of time exist in each day, without ignoring my family or the things I choose to do to maintain our home, and support our lives.  I choose to use some of these pockets to pursue my passion for writing.  I use the rest of my time for living richly, giving to my loved ones, and being present in my life -which provides me with a steady source of things to write about! ).

Lemon Juice Invisible Ink, made by Jeremiah.

  • More writing books… (When  I wrote this, the Internet was a smaller place, and I didn’t really know how to use it for writing information.  Over the last few years, I have given away all but my most precious writing books, and I have become a lot better at finding information specifically suiting my needs of the moment, which saves time, mental clutter, and physical space).
  • More writing friends…  (While I love having a network of friends who write and know how it is to live twice at once, with words and ideas always spinning in their minds, writing is still a solitary affair.  No number of friends can help, if I am not willing to give myself fully to my writing, during my writing times.  No lack of writing friends can keep me from doing that, either.  Whether I write or not is my choice, always).

Annalise and her new “Sedona Sunrise” quilt – a gift from her Oregon gramma.


  • A part-time job… (Hmm…  ’nothing but free time’ AND ‘a part-time job, too’?  Clearly, I wasn’t thinking logically.  It seems, now, like I was looking for excuses…because writing is a thing that fits very easily into the spaces that exist in life – IF I choose for it to.  If I insist on perfect conditions, then I will be focused more on the lack of perfect spaces than on all those little pockets of time that COULD give me imperfect writing spaces aplenty).

After the equine nuptials in the front yard…


  • More support at home… ( I think what I was wanting here was for Jim to be as excited about my writing as I had convinced myself I was, to stroke my ego and tell me that, yes, THIS was important, to validate me and my choices.  Now, with more people in my home, and two of them young enough that their own pursuits shine more brightly than anyone else’s, I’ve realized that I need to be my own support.  I validate my own truth and passions when I choose to write.  If I take my passion seriously, my family will, more or less, accept the statement, “I am going to write now.”  Not in moments when they need me; but in other moments, when they are pursuing their own passions.  If my validation and support come from myself, primarily, I will not bemoan others’ focus on their own lives, and I will be free to delve as deeply as I choose into my own passion).

Playing with numbers…sometimes it looks like schoolwork, but generally not. This was joyful play for Jeremiah.


  • Lots of sales… (Again, there seems to be a certain lack of logic here.  Lots of sales…of WHAT, if I’m not willing to take my writing seriously enough to create whether I am selling anything or not?  Today, I write because – well, I write.  I have since I was seven, and I was creating stories in my mind, playing with words and ideas, in toddlerhood.  Writing is as essential to who I am as my gender and utter left-handedness.  I can choose to scribble in order to fill notebooks that I then stuff into an ever-growing pile in a dark cabinet, where no one sees them…or I can know that my drive and desire to write are about sharing my soul and my truth and my fantasies, offering them up, generously, casting them out upon the tides of life and trusting that at least some of them will be carried to fertile places where they can grow and thrive for someone else.  I can choose to do this freely, and, in time, also receive payment for some of these word-seeds.  But money is not and never really has been a very good motivator for me.  I tend to find richness in many other things, and living simply brings me more joy and peace than a swollen bank account ever could.  Now, I write, and I share, out of the essence of who I am, because I believe that our unique selves are the greatest gifts we can offer to anyone else).

First-ever try at “formal” division.


  • A guarantee it’ll be good… (Again,I don’t seem to have been seeing this logically.  ”Good” is a very broad and vapid word.  It’s not passionate, deeply true, delightful play….it’s just ‘good’.  In truth, my best writing comes when I simply pour forth what’s inside me, whether deep ponderings about my life or fictional romps, or something else. When I open the gates and let my words and ideas out, there is generally something ‘good’ there – and now, to me, ‘good’ is less valid an assessment than “true for me, right now, and something I feel strongly about sharing”.  The more I share, the more easily I can tap into my truth again,and again…).

Impromptu lemonade stand.


List of Ways to Increase Writing Time:

1) Write for 10-20 minutes as soon as I get up.

2)Take 10 minute writing breaks during housecleaning, or after each chapter in a book I’m reading.

3) Fill one practice notebook each month, as fast as I can.  The challenge makes me WANT to write, and doing it fuels me for the next time.

4) Spend one afternoon (3-4 )hours at a cafe in Eugene.  Write.

Potential Lemonade Tycoons…living in a rural area! =)

5) Skip one TV show.  Write.

6) One night a week working for Newcomers.  Write.

7) When Jim’s driving, write.

8)While doing laundry, write.

9) Write for 20 minutes before bed each night.

10) Clean desk and have projects ready to work on – always.

11) Carry notebook and pens everywhere.  Whenever I get a chance, write.

12)Take notebook into the woods.  Write.

Signage…

13) Write freehand first-  less excuses, and can use typing time to revise.

14) Issue projects as challenges to be met – then find a way to meet them.

15) Reward system :  I need to write for 2 hours today before I can…Make the goal worth the time –  and don’t give in!

16) Listen to Writing Down the Bones  or another book on writing while driving.  When I stop, take 5-10 minutes to write down ideas before leaving the car.

There seems to be a sort of desperation, or at least clutching, in the above, and a sense, too, of force and penance.  It’s really prevalent in all of my posts during this period.

He thought he could stump me! =D

The assumption seems to be that writing time is near impossible to find, and that one must force oneself to do it.

It’s a lack mentality, and fear based.

It’s the pattern of my childhood, which is unconsciously lived well into my adulthood.

Today, I know that finding time is as simple as each choice.  It’s a few minutes of doing what I love, or a few hours.  My time is exactly as abundant as my life; so is everyone’s.  

Jim found this note when he got up. Sweet surprise.

I don’t force myself to write.  I come here to revel in words, in thoughts, in feelings, and in sharing.  There is treasure, here, that I can carry into the rest of my moments and hours, making them richer.

I come now from a place of peace and abundance and love.

It makes all the difference. 

Reading:

  • Read at least 3 articles a week from my To Be Read files on computer, and categorize those I choose to keep or share.
  • I read  this article on advising our children in ways that support their growth and independence.  As with  most of Peter Gray‘s articles (and his lectures, which I have caught in part at NEUC 2010 and 2011, and plan to again this August), it resonated strongly with me, and I plan to comment within the next few days.
  • This goal has been attained for this week.

Annalise took this picture of her new horses, acquired at the yard sale…

Blogging:

  • Complete Cooperative Catalyst post and relevant links (interviews with both children, and their “day in the life” posts from last year) ; submit to editor.
  • All four of the related posts I plan to link to my post are now  updated, edited, and embellihed with links and images.
  • I have finished editing the actual guest post.
  • Next, I am going to take a deep breath, gather my courage, and write to the editor with the news that I have, at long last, written something I am ready to share…
  • Create a “flow chart” for posting to shanjeniah and The Unfettered Life.  Use these, and adapt as necessary, throughout the round (with allowances made in April for the challenge).
  • As mentioned at the last update, I have not found any type of rhythm for this.  It might be the May Challenge, or that the structure is too intrusive for my “pantser” inclinations.
  • I have decided to set this goal aside.  I may pick it up again later, when I am more ready for it, but, for now, it just seems more restrictive and guilt-inducing than useful.
  • Add pages/ edit sidebar layout on shanjeniah.
  • I have added a page titled  My 2012 Challenges.
  • This will allow me to remove the clustered clutter of the challenge badges on my sidebar, during the coming weeks.
  • I have a basic page, now, with links to all the challenges, and badges for each.
  • I plan to add links to my grouped post for each challenge.
  • I will also experiment with creating a slideshow using these badges, to place into a widget (so that I get to publicize these great challenges and  keep my collection of pretties, too).

Big tough wolf!

Networking:

  •  Explore She Writes; Twitter: StoryDam; Pinterest;and LinkedIn .  Use, develop, evaluate, adjust.
  • I visited LinkedIn, reviewed my contacts, and shared “Everdeep”.
  • I intend to return during the coming weeks and leave some messages for connections I have been eager to catch up with.
  • I visited She Writes, and this time lingered long enough to get a better feel for how the site is set up.
  •  I also discovered that I have seven comments waiting to be answered there.
  • I will be working on answering those and following up with specific groups during the coming weeks.
  • Continue joining hops, fests, challenges, and other community blogging effort.
  • I am participating in the Story a Day May Challenge.
  • May 3  - “Everdeep”.
  • May 4  - Bus Station”
  • May 5 – not yet posted.
  • May 6 – not yet posted.
  • I have looked at this week’s Storyteller Writing Challenge.  The photo prompt struck me with instant recognition!
  • I will be writing this as one of my Story a Day May posts.
  • I have a slightly too- long story, and will be revising it after posting my goals update.
  • Comment on and share blogs regularly; share my blogs as widely as seems feasible, and in diverse ways.
  • I am continuing to expand my comfort zone here.
  • I have been sharing posts via LinkedIn, Twitter, and Google Plus.
  • Do 3 guest posts and  host 3 guest bloggers this round.
  • I have my first guest post waiting to be formatted and scheduled.
  • I plan to host Elizabeth Anne Mitchell‘s guest post on May 18 or 19.
  • I have a theme for my return guest post, and will be writing it soon.

Saturday evening, in the yard with horses…

Submitting:

  •  Submit at least 10 pieces of flash fiction or poetry this round.
  • To celebrate the inclusion of my poem, 4AM Call, in the Pittsburgh Flash Fiction Gazette, I am preparing to submit a flash fiction piece there.
  • I have tentatively selected my piece, “Sarjyn and the Kingdom of Man Above”, originally written for the Storyteller Writing Challenge, pending rereading and potential revising.
  • I have submitted 1 out of 10 pieces toward that goal.
  • Submit at least 5 essays or lists this round.
  • I completed all elements of my Creative Catalyst guest post package, as noted above.
  • It’s a rather large amount of material, so I began by sending an email to the editor for direction on how best to proceed from here.
  • The long-standing ice has been broken.  I’m taking some deep breaths before delving into the next submission – my Anything Goes piece for the Pittsburgh Flash Fiction Gazette.
  • I have a rough draft I think I really like, and will soon be rereading and revising over the next days, prior to taking the leap and submitting it.
  • Continue submitting to hops, challenges, fests, etc; at least 3 each month.
  • I am participating in the current ROWnd of ROw80 - obviously…
  • I am also challenging myself with the Story a Day May Challenge.
  • I have a story in progress for the Storyteller Writing Challenge.
  • I also have several less intensive challenges; these are listed at My 2012 Challenges.

Happy girl.

Photography:

  •  Organize all photos on hard drive/move to organized Picasa web albums or delete.
  • I have synced all remaining folders in my My Pictures file to my Picasa Web Albums, with privacy settings until I sort and edit them.
  • Once the editing is complete, I will be able to delete these files from my hard drive.
  • This will leave only a few random photos that have wandered off into the crannies of my computer, to track down and gently rehome…
  • Watermark all photos that appear on my blogs, and all those I post going forward; begin watermarking favorites not on blogs.
  • While adjusting visibilty settings on my Web Albums, I found a way to add watermarks to complete albums with just a few clicks.
  • I will next evaluate both watermarks.  If I am satisfied with the batch mark (I don’t see a way to customize the text or color, although there may be one), it will save me a few hours’ work.
Marketing:
  •  Explore marketing articles on my Facebook Writer Page.
  • I read this article on creating a sell sheet.
  • The site it came from,  Bryan Thomas Schmidt, is packed with useful information.  I will be returning.
  • Add useful articles to my shanjeniah  Marketing Articles page.
  • I added the article above to my Marketing Articles Page.
  • Use this information to help define my direction; adjust as needed.
  • The shape of the marketing to come is becoming a bit more defined.
  • I’m not ready to say much about it, yet, but I know for certain that it will have more by far  to do with passion and purpose than it will to do with making money (not that I will turn down payment; but it will never supersede following my passions.

Dog in the yard…..


Organizing:

  •  Edit all 2009 posts on  The Unfettered Life.  Consider layout and design changes.
  • I have edited the existing text and added many, many links to my post, Learning Nothing….The Final Frontier.
  • This is a larger and more involved update than I had originally thought, and I need a bit of time away from it, before adding the few paragraphs of new text and doing photo edits and additions.
  • I am therefore going to set it aside for a little while, and begin reading and assessing the following post – sometimes things go better for me if I remember the pacing that was so vital as an Old Faithful Inn waitress!
  • I will add these edits in, assembly-line style, so that I can do them in a rotation that first expands, then, later, contracts.
  • Take clips from first Penzu notebook.
  • I have taken another clip, which appears above as the intro to this update.
  • This leaves 14 more posts to clip to attain this goal.
  • Input Chameleon’s Dish to Scrivener; complete story arc for Blood and Breath.
  • I have input Chapter 1 Scene 4 of Chameleon’s Dish.  This completes the inputting of Chapter 1 – a step in the decidedly right direction! =)
  • I have added Chapter Six to my story arc.
  • Clean up computer downloads, documents, photos, and other clutter – move it or lose it!
  • I cleaned up my Dropbox file, adding folders for all categories and shifting all free-floating documents into appropriate folders.
  • I also cleaned up my Homeschool Adminstration file, adding folders and categorizing as needed, and condensing some stray folders.
  • I added a Videos to Edit folder to my Documents file.

The Corkster!

Self-care:

  • Add JOY to every day!
  • Thursday:  Did not fight with the mower.  Good kid time.  Hot shower.
  • Friday:  Allowed myself to be tired and somewhat indolent. M*A*S*H with Jim.  Khan Academy division with Miah.  Lise’s newly improved note-writing skills.  Unicorns.
  • Saturday: One mile walk with Miah.  Hometending.  Saying yes to many treasures at a yard sale.  Seeimng my poem in print, and money in my PayPal account.   Sharing that with those I love.
  • Sunday: Moved futon to backyard.  Gassed mower, several failed attempts to keep running –  water in air filter, maybe?  Grass i getting pretty high –  Miah had a tick.  Removed.  Hometending.
  • Add movement to every day, too!
  • Thursday:  Attempted mowing (mower uncooperative).  Hometending.
  • Friday: Hometending.  Took things slow; tired day with achy head and back.
  • Saturday: Walked about a mile with Miah.  Hometending.
  • Sunday: Moved futon to backyard.  Gassed mower, several failed attempts to keep running –  water in air filter, maybe?  Grass is getting pretty high –  Miah had a tick.  Removed.  Hometending.
  • Add self-decorating to every week!
  • Yup –  there’s still blue in my hair, and I am wearing my sequined shirt.
  • Add more of my passions to each day, in as many ways as I can manage.
  • Thursday: Lots of family time. Reading and writing abounded.
  • Friday: Photography.  Stating my needs clearly.  Intimacy.  Watching them learn, learn, learn!
  • Saturday: Walking; being with the kids, lots of reading; taking a submitting leap. Tickles and important conversation with Miah.
  • Sunday:  Lise’s lilacs on my desk. A focused but relaxed day. A tidy bedroom that awaits Jim’s weekend.  Creating.  Sleeping in when I needed it.  The moon.
  • Add all these for my beloved others, too!
  • Annalise: Unicorns, time together outside, tickles and hugs.  Yesses all over the yard sale; 17 new horse models, with tack.   Detangling her hair.  Let her use my fancy camera to take movies of her horses.  Yes to independent walks.
  • Jim:  Time together.  M*A*S*H.  A calm if messy home.  I made a snack and brought it to him in bed.
  • Jeremiah:  I stayed together when he fell apart.  Long, deep, conversation. Playing with Khan Academy and division together.  Yes to monkey platter plate, calculator, UNO,  and lemonade pitcher at the yard sale.  A long walk together.  Patient tick removal.  Hugs and cuddles and tickles.  Talk about growing up.  More freedom to walk farther, alone.

“This is my best side….”

It’s been a week filled with Big Learning.  Notes from Annalise.   Miah learning how to divide during a 17 minute Khan Academy video.    Venn diagrams ad the Olympic rings.  Reading.  Invisible ink made from lemon juice.  Homemade lemonade and a stand.  Independently  walking to explore a yard sale and an 1800′s cemetery.  Crazy Horse and Sitting Bull.  Continents and philosophy.  The Mayan calendar, and ours.  Manifest Destiny and the Revolution.  Euros, pounds, and yen.
There’ve been some upsets, most handled peacefully.  That’s still something we’re learning, and, when there is so much other growth going on, the way can get bumpy for a while, as we readjust…Oh, and I made money writing, too! =D

 Sima garo provides!

 Please Allow Me to Introduce Another 5 Followers:

Welcome to my messily peaceful little corner of the universe!
And here is the ROW80 Linky, so we can see what thew other ROWErs are up to this week!

Photo Credits:

  • Images of model horses and wolves by Annalise S. Burton.
  • Video filmed entirely by Annalise S. Burton.
  • All other photos by blog author, Shan Jeniah Burton.

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Z is for Zoo

500 Words on……the Zoo.

~~Something tells me it’s all happenin’ at the zoo. I do believe it, I do believe it’s true...~~Paul Simon, “At the Zoo“

Air and Space Museum - first, quick visit, 45 minutes before closing time.

When Jeremiah was a few weeks away from his seventh birthday, he requested that we go to the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum.

Setting up camp in Greenbelt National Park, Maryland...about 12 miles from DC.

Although we live a few hundred miles from Washington, DC, and our budget is comprised of a single income, Jim and I decided to see if we could make it happen for him. We found a campground a few miles away, in Maryland, and realized that we could stay for a lot less than what a hotel would cost us.

So, the early part of September found us in our nation’s capital. We toured the Air and Space Musuem, of course, and the Natural History Museum. We ate lunch at the National Museum of the American Indian, and admired their gardens. We rode the Metro, and toured the Hirshorn Sculpture Garden.

At the Museum of Natural History.

We visited the Capitol Building  – the tour was not suitable for 7 and 4 year olds, and the Bush era security required us to ditch all our food and even the water in our bottles – but we got to see the sculpture by Vinnie Ream that we had come for, and we learned a few things, and feasted our eyes on the art and splendor.

Capitol Building loveliness.

We saw the Lincoln Memorial, the Washington Monument, the Reflecting Pool, and the Vietnam Wall.

Views about town - we walked a lot!

The children rode the carousel, played at the camp playground, and loved the subway…

Playful happy moments.

And, on the last day of our three day stay, we went to the National Zoo. Although Jeremiah loves animals, this part of the trip was for Annalise.  From the time she was one, she has loved all primates, and gorillas in particular.

Gorilla gorilla gorilla!

We had visited a zoo in Syracuse the summer before, where we saw primates of several varieties. Gorillas, though, are large, and endangered, and not easy to house, and there were none to see close to us. The National Zoo, also  famed for its giant pandas (which we never got around to seeing), has a gorilla family.

More scenes around the zoo....

So we entered at the archway, and spent half a day wandering the Zoo. We saw the hippos and elephants, first, and Jeremiah got to touch a hippo tooth. Then we found the gorillas – Annalise was awed and a bit intimidated by their bigness and closeness. We watched a magnificent silverback picking grass and carefully separating the blades he wanted to eat.

Cool explorations in the Invertebrate House.

There were orangutans who had the freedom to pass between two buildings on a specially designed device known as the O-Line. We watched them pass over us with a combination of fascination and nervousness, although there was an electrified line running beneath, to prevent descent.

At the Hirshorn Sculpture Gardens, enjoying art, and a bit more cool.

We enjoyed giant tortoises and other reptiles, tigers-SO-close on the other side of a Plexiglass barrier, lynxes and wolves. We watched a prairie dog village, and giraffes. The entire trip had been very hot, and we had spent the majority of it out-of-doors.

Capitol Building sculptures - the Vinnie Reams Lincoln is in the center.

So, when we found ourselves outside the invertebrate house, we ducked inside for the shade and the cool. There, both children were  enchanted by jellyfish and anemomes, coral and Madagascar hissing cockroaches, the bird-eating and orb-weaving spiders, and a little crab that followed Lise as she moved from one side of its tank to the other.

At the Smithsonian Castle, and in front of the Air and Space Museum.

We spent some time in the Think Tank, where primate intelligence was studied through a series of activities and experiments, and where there were many specimens for Annalise, especially, to explore.

At the Greenbelt National Park playground.

In the invertebrate house, we were able to watch the exhibit curators preparing specimens in a well-equipped lab.

Scenes from the Metro....

While we were outside, we enjoyed sprayer stations set up for cooling guests on hot days, and the kids enjoyed the prairie dog playground before we headed back to the campground for one last sleep before heading home.

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Y is for Yelling

500 Words On…Yelling.

Yelling was an everyday occurrence, within my family of origin. With four children and two parents who hadn’t learned how to contain or rise above their rage, there seemed to always be some reason to yell at someone.

There were  times when my father went from child to child, asking questions that seemed designed to find us in some wrongdoing he could yell about. If he went through all of us without success, sometimes he would go through the process again – and, eventually, he either found or created a reason to vent whatever frustrations had driven the process.

There is much less yelling here, and what there is is generally short-lived and soon moved past. Nearly all the yelling there is is done by the children – when you are seven, or even ten, life can get too frustrating to take, very quickly, and yelling is a safety valve that prevents an explosion of a far greater magnitude.

I do the best I am able not to take the yelling personally – getting reactive and yelling back never helps, and usually makes things far worse, and it hurts my head, throat, and soul, besides.

Besides, it isn’t personal.  It’s just a young person, still relatively inexperienced at life and conflict, who is dealing with more than he or she can handle. The anger or hurt or frustration pour out, and sometimes the words that get used are hurtful – not because the child truly hates me, or their life, but because that is how they feel in this moment in time, and that feeling is too intense to allow them to realize, just then, that there will be love, peace, and joy again – and that they might only be moments away.

I’ve realized, over the last year or so, that, when I can remain in a place of love and calmness, neither feeding or ignoring the emotional chaos, but instead letting it pass through me like a stone through a deep still pool, it’s sometimes enough to help calm the tempestuous energies of the child, as well.

It’s a quiet way to say that I feel their emotional discord, and I still accept them. If the yelling was directed at me, I might say, softly but firmly, “I didn’t deserve that.”

And then, I go about my business, which seems to reassure both children that things are going to be all right – that they might be better than they thought.

Usually, the yelling child will take themselves to their room, to fling themselves on their bed.  Often, fatigue was the impetus for the yelling, and the child will be asleep within moments, to wake up happy and better-rested.

Other times, they will settle, and find a diversion. Miah might turn to a book, his 3DS, for games or a show on Netflix; Lise likes books, Littlest Pet Shop characters, and caring for her stuffed animals.

Jeremiah, Annalise, and I, after touring the Mayflower II in sweltering July heat. Plymouth, MA, 2010.

I don’t handle every episode as well as I might, but I keep learning, and each success grows the peace in our home.

Sometimes, I still yell – my ability to control myself is not yet as all-encompassing as I would like it to be.

I no longer excuse myself, not blame myself,  for that.

Instead, I keep learning, and healing – because I prefer loving, trusting peaceful life, and yelling isn’t a means to that end. =)

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X is for X’s and O’s

500 Words On….X’s and O’s.

First kisses - but far from the last!

There is a lot of kissing and hugging amongst our family. When I mentioned to Jeremiah recently that many boys his age didn’t want to snuggle with their parents anymore, and I am glad that he does, he looked at me as though I had three eyes.

“Really?” he asked.

Jeremiah is long past the age, now, where kisses on boo-boos have magical powers of healing.  Still, when he’s hurt or disappointed, he will find me and ask for a hug. I still seem to have some ability to act as a balm against the injuries his flesh and spirit are heir to.

Along with the hugs and the sloppy ten year old boy kisses, I get smiles, and laughter, and conversations I never could have had with my own parents, because I was busily trying to gain standing with them, being sure I didn’t step wrong, which could easily lead to yelling, hitting, and shaming.

Jammy-clad snuggles...Lise was not quite 3, here. =)

Kisses and hugs, in that family dynamic, were a weapon that might be withheld if a parent was angry – sometimes, for days on end.  I learned young to use them as tools, to try to curry favor.

Kisses and hugs came more and more sporadically as I grew, and, as an adolescent, my father seldom hugged me at all.

When I was younger, I was required to hug and kiss family members, even those I did not like. My feelings didn’t matter, so long as I did as expected, and allowed any related adult to take me into their arms and press their lips against mine – even when I didn’t trust them.

Here, the hugs and kisses are just a natural part of life. No one here is required to kiss or hug; and such shows of affection are common. There are hugs and greetings upon awakening, and, since our days do not include morning commutes or school, there are often lingering snuggles and tickles, too.

Miah, a week before he turned 10, rushing to give me a hug after I sang at NEUC. A precious moment, captured by Adam Smith.

Along with that comes talk – lots and lots of talk. There is something about being snuggled in together, or just close beside one another, doing something together, that leads to easy conversation that often goes to depths and in directions that I could never have predicted or orchestrated.

There’s an openness in a family where the kisses and hugs flow easily and freely. Such freedom and openness are born of trust, and they build trust, warmth, and close connection.

Jeremiah will be eleven in a few months. He’s not a little boy anymore. His thoughts and interests are maturing. I can see that, in just a few years, he’ll likely be giving hugs and kisses to girls he’s interested in, as well as to his family.

And so I am soaking up this precious time in his life, just before he crosses the threshold into approaching manhood, and I treasure every kiss, every hug, because he is who he is, just now,  fleeting and wonderful, and I don’t want to miss it.

Yeah, this pucker's for YOU!!!

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ROWing into the Surge – ROW80 Goals Update #7

It’s been a mellow and very creative few days here.  I’ve been giving myself to my writing, to reading, to hometending and family time, and, more than I have since  Jim’s accident, to myself.

It’s been renewing and I am emerging from my home-centric cocoon refreshed and feeling the surge of new understandings and ideas -

I’m not ready to talk about yet, for fear of freezing the blossoms before they’ve attained full bloom….

Instead, let’s just ROW along, skimming close to shore, feeling the coming of spring wrapped in the chill of winter’s lingering caresses…..

Reading:

  • Read at least 3 articles a week from my To Be Read files on computer, and categorize those I choose to keep or share.
  • I read this list of 50 Life Lessons.
  • I read and reblogged because i, too, have a dream.
  • I have one more article to read to attain this goal for the week.

Blogging:

  • Complete the Blogging From A to Z April Challenge.
  • I have written and edited the text, and am lingering over an extensive and nostalgic array of photos, which I am turning into a series of collages.  

  • I am hoping to have this project finished by Friday, but have until midnight on Monday to post it, if need be.
  • Create a “flow chart” for posting to shanjeniah and The Unfettered Life.  Use these, and adapt as necessary, throughout the round (with allowances made in April for the challenge).
  • I have begun using the flow charts –  but not yet both each day.
  • On Monday, I began my first weekly review on The Unfettered Life.  It’s not complete, yet, but it is a beginning.
  • On Tuesday, I updated my Bookmark Break Challenge page to reflect my April reading.
  • I began a post for my Write 1 Sub 1 Monthly Challenge.
  • On Wednesday, I worked on my goals update post.
  • I hope to be  following both charts at least a few days a week by May.
  • Add pages/ edit sidebar layout on shanjeniah.
  • I have begun a page for guest bloggers.
  • I hope to have the page ready by Sunday’s check-in.

Networking:

  • Comment on and share blogs regularly; share my blogs as widely as seems feasible, and in diverse ways.
  • I have shared I is for Intuition and J is for Jeremiah to the ROW80 Facebook Page.
  • I have also shared my Unschooling Blog Carnival post. “I’m THAT Mom…Naturally!” to the ROW80 page.
  • As mentioned above, I have read and commented on several blogs.  I have been working my way through some of the many comments building up on my own blogs.  If you’re waiting, I am getting there! =)
  • Do 3 guest posts and  host 3 guest bloggers this round.
  • I have begun setting up a new page here, Your Soapbox Awaits…, which will become a home away from home for my guest bloggers.
  • I am in the process of contacting my guest bloggers, and those who have offered me places on their blogs.
  • I hope to at least have all the posts scheduled, if not posted, by the end of May.
Submitting:
  •  Submit at least 10 pieces of flash fiction or poetry this round.
  • I  have reread and made notes for my flash fiction piece “The Coupling”.  I plan to have it ready for submission by May 1.
  • Continue submitting to hops, challenges, fests, etc.; at least 3 each month.
  • I have attained this goal for this month.
Photography:

  • Learn how to watermark pictures.
  • This goal has been attained.
  • Watermark all photos that appear on my blogs, and all those I post going forward; begin watermarking favorites not on blogs.
  • I have begun watermarking the collages I will use in my Z is for Zoo blogpost.
Self-care:
  • Add JOY to every day!
  • Monday: The pleasure of a leisurely day at home; lingering talk; minor hometending.  Coffee and love.
  • Tuesday:  T’ai chi, singing in the car with the window down, all alone…taking the time to watch the hawk swoop low over the fallow corn field.  Reading and writing.  Working in my library.
  • Wednesday:  Reading, writing, collage-making, hometending, blue corn tortilla chips, snuggles with both kids.
  • Add movement to every day, too!
  • Monday: Hometening.
  • Tuesday: T’a chi (first time since Jim’s accident)!; hometending, a little dancing.
  • Wednesday: Hometending and a little dancing.
  • Add self-decorating to every week!
  • I cut my wavy and very forgiving hair on Tuesday, a first step in a several step process……stay tuned!
  • Add more of my passions to each day, in as many ways as I can manage.
  • Monday: Leisurely day with my family. Bliss.
  • Tuesday: T’ai chi!; car singing; solitude; writing and reading.
  • Wednesday: Working toward many goals, passionately!
  • Add all these for my beloved others, too!
  • Annalise: Laughter, games; snuggles; reading together.
  • Jeremiah: Saying yes to his request to bake a cake,  chats, cuddles.
  • Jim:  Snuggles, coffee, and conversation.  Couples stuff.

 Administrative Stuff:

  • Input two writing practice notebooks to Penzu.
  • I am on page 20 of 12o  of notebook #1, June 2000.
It’s been a busy time, and productive, but in a quiet, calm, no-fanfare kind of way.Jeremiah baked his very first from a  box mix.  It took him two days to bake and frost it – he’s 10, and a friend’s invitation to play took precedence over baking.  And he’s growing fast –  an inch or so in the last few weeks –  he was up to the bottom of my chin, but now he’s just below my bottom lip, and I am not short….anyway, he’s sleeping more, these days, and the cake waited for frosting while he recharged.

Annalise began reading silently, here and there, and learned that she can now do a 100 piece puzzle.  She watched Tigers in the Snow and an episode of Nature that explored the wolves of Chernobyl.  She looked at first Elijah’s scrapbook   –  ”There’s only three pages, Mommy” was her heart-tugging comment when faced with how brief a life 12 days is –  and then Jeremiah’s  ”Seeing him as a little baby makes me feel older.”   And that, for a younger sister who chafes at being the littlest, is an evener, if only a temporary and fanciful one.

Being so close to 8 is hard on her, sometimes.  She seems to view it as the magical age of big-kidness, and early July seems both very close and very distant.

She wants a motorbike for her birthday, like the one her friend Ryan has.
I’ve found that I am even more serious about my writing since claiming a space for it.  Here, in the bedroom, where Jim and I have spent the majority of our intimate moments, where there is morning coffee and snuggles and ticklefests with the kids, and the TV and the amorous hijinks even middle-aged and long-married folks  can still get up to when they really like each other in a way that ignores baldness, creaky joints, and much extra padding, my mind wanders into imagery and symbolism.At my desk in my library, I am a more focused and businesslike version of me.  I’m relaxed, and peaceful – and the vibe is that I have things I want to do, and I am doing them.

The bedroom is for dreaminess and my library exudes purpose.

That’s good to know, as the surge comes up  on the bow….
And now,  for a few more of my followers…

And, last but not least, here’s the nifty little ROW80 Linky, where you can follow the other ROWers……
 


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U is for Unschooling

 

500 Words on… Unschooling.

Yes, unschoolers have friends - of many ages!

You may or may not have heard of it. If you have, but only through mainstream news reporting, it is very likely you have a mistaken concept of this approach to learning, and, often, to life.

There seems to be a rampant distrust of children in modern American society. Children are being sent off to day care, often when they are only a few weeks old. I know more than one child who had been enrolled in a preschool program (referred to as “school” by their parents) before they reached their third birthdays.

Taking a seat - or not - on a Thursday afternoon.....

We seem to be a nation obsessed with milestones and measurements and readiness and bridge activities – many of the elementary schoolchildren I know bring home summer homework, these days, to “prevent” the “loss of learning” the summer break seems to riddle them with…

So maybe it’s understandable that I have been accused of abusing and neglecting my children, by depriving them of something vital to their existence, because neither of them have ever attended school, and because it haas been years since I sat anyone at the table to “teach” them.

Maybe it’s understandable that I have often been accused of laziness for not requiring Jeremiah and Annalise to do chores, to eat what I serve, or to go to bed at a prescribed time.

Meeting live wolves was a magical experience for Annalise and I.

Those accusations and misassumptions seem to be based on a view of children that is warped and skewed to see school as part of the natural evolution of children.

It isn’t. Human children, like all young mammals, are intended to learn through play. They are intended to grow in independence, and to emulate the behaviors of the adults around them.

Jeremiah, age 10, loves to cook.

They are intended to be passionately involved in the process of learning, and the learning they do is intended to be immediately relevant to the living of their lives – in other words, children are geared to learn what will help them RIGHT NOW.

No other species sends its young off to be “educated” behind walls, and by relative strangers assigned to the duty, and compensated with money. No other species thinks that what their young study needs to be decided by regulation or committtee.

Weighing in at the Children's Museum of Saratoga.

The schools that seem so intrinsic to life in America today did not exist here at the dawn of our nation. They are based on the Prussian factory schools, intended to create a standardized workforce that knows enough to work, but not enough to agitate any rebellion against the system.

Earlier generations of Americans fought strenuously against compulsory schooling laws, certain that it was a terrible idea to simply give their children over to the government to educate.

I think they were right.

Contemplating history - fire truck from the Twin Towers attacks, NYS Museum.

Here, Jeremiah and Annalise are involved in learning through all of their waking moments. Yes, that learning looks just like play. It looks almost effortless, when all is well – and yet, a great deal of energy and attention is needed to create the right sort of environment, one which can grow and change and accommodate evolving interests, abilities, and circumstances….it takes a good deal of my time and attention, and a willingness to set aside what I might rather be doing in favor of facilitating their learning.

Much in the same way that seeing her young safely to adulthood becomes the focus of any good wild mammal mother.

Just as nature intended.

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ROWin’ in the Rain – Goals Update #6

Excerpt from 750words, June 8, 2011 - 

Today is a much, much happier day. I feel like I have struggled my way back to a place of calm and something approaching acceptance of the present moment. And keeping my focus on this moment and no other, the action I can take now, and no other, helps me to feel far less overwhelmed with what, looked at as a whole, complete situation, is utterly and completely overwhelming.

This moment, and no other. This action, and no other. So here I am, writing my 750 words, because that is the action I am taking in this moment. And, after, I will return to some tidying in the house, then maybe try another method of getting the kids’ quarterly reports to the school. Later, when it cools down from the 90 degree temperatures we have right now, I’ll hook up the printer, because submitting the reports in writing may indeed be the route I end up taking, much as I disagree with it.

Deep breaths. Short bursts of activity. Letting things go, or just working on a small part of the whole, in short bursts, helps me to remain calm. Giving myself the time and space to just be, to leave things undone, to decide for myself what is worthy of my time and attention and energy. Understanding that sharing a home with others means there are both others to help me….and others who sometimes do things that trigger unpleasant emotions in me.

Understanding that those emotions might very well be responses to old, entrenched patterns I am not yet even aware of. Learning to slow down, get still inside myself, and attend to the feeling and the associations it brings up. Going into those, until I get deeper than the surface emotion, to the place where I can find what I need in this situation – or if I need anything. Often, all I need is to acknowledge the feeling and its source, and all the perceived wrongness and angst of the moment just fades away.

When there is a need, understanding what it is is hugely helpful, because none of us can fill our own needs if we don’t understand what they are. That’s evident in our society, and very prevalent in my family of origin. Buying things and doing major home additions and renovations, as stand-ins for the need that goes unacknowledged and untended to.

So I am learning to understand my needs, and that it falls to me, and no one else, to tend to them. I an responsible for meeting my own needs.

How I do that depends on the situation and the nature of the need. Sometimes I am at a loss, in the moment, on what to do, except that I need to accept this moment just as it is, and surrender to it rather than fight it. Then, anything I choose to do will be from a place of acceptance, and all my energy can then be channeled to productive measures rather than flailing against life as it is.

This has been particularly difficult for me over the last three or for days. I’m hormonal, and it is very, very hot, and we have been busy, and the kids seem to both be getting ready for pretty major growth spurts.

If I can remember that all of these things tend to lead to a feeling of imbalance for me, separately, I can perhaps be patient with their combined disequilibrium.

If I can remember that it is also disorienting for the children, and that they really need my stability, calm, and patience, perhaps everything else will flow more peacefully through our lives.

Of course, in order to be in a state to provide that calm for them, I do need to nurture myself. There are in fact no housework police arriving on a daily basis to evaluate my daily portion of household chores. The world will not, in fact, come to an end if I choose to skip cleaning sometimes, or do the minimum amount I can live with, if I just am not up for doing more.

There are so many things that are of greater value than housecleaning. Creative expression, hugs and kisses and tickles and cuddles, putting one’s feet up and enjoying a cool day, feeling peaceful and happy to be just where I am, just now. Bliss. Laughter. Joy. Discovery. Time to ponder. Time to wonder. Time to embrace my own passions, and time to help the children embrace theirs, and Jim his. Time to be kind, and courteous, and generous – to myself and to others.



Round 2 Goals:


Reading:


    

  • Read at least as many books as the number of the month (4 in April ; 5 in May; 6 in June) from my bedroom To Be Read piles.
    • 

  • I have finished book 4 of 4 for April, Hold On to Your Kids.
    • 

  • I have now completed my April book  reading goal!
    • 




    

  • Read at least 5 blogposts a week (not including my own), and like, comment, and/or share as I am moved to.
    • 

  • I have read Laughter of Children and Clouds, commented,and am sharing here.
    • 

  • I have read the deep truth and courage in Words…words,words,words, written by my dear lifelong friend, Eden Mabee.  
    • 

  • Because she is my friend – and so much more – I wrote two long comments.
    • 

  • Because this post is incredible, I am sharing it to Facebook.
    • 

  • I read the poem  Shame, commented, and shared on my Facebook Writer Page.
    • 

  • I have completed this goal for this week.
    • 





Writing:




    

  • Create flash fiction, short stories, dialogues, character sketches, alternate scenes, and poetry for  Chameleon’s Dish and Blood and Breath.  Wander cow trails, and learn these people and their lives more fully.
    • 

  • I now  have 489 words in the group dialogue scene for Chameleon’s Dish, and a much better sense of where this piece is headed.
    • 



    

  • Pull material from 750 words posts not part of the Chameleon’s Dish first draft.
    • 

  • I pulled a complete essay, which appears above.
    • 



    

  • Create essays, stories, and other pieces based upon these writings.
    • 

  • I have included excerpts from these writings as part of these updates (see intro, above), and they have informed other writing I have done since reading them.
    • 

  • I will be focusing more on these as I finish the A to Z posts, then the essays and book reviews that have been queued up behind them.
    • 



    

  • Find all chapters of Blood and Breath.  Input into Scrivener; possibly begin rewrite.
    • 

  • I have created a story arc for Chapters 2 and 3, as a preliminary step.
    • 

  • Next, I will begin creating flash fiction as the basis for scenes in these chapters.
    • 

  • In the meantime, I may shift my inputting focus to Chameleon’s Dish, because I have a completed rough draft of that novel.
    • 

  • I will consider my options, and change my goal if indicated.
    • 





Blogging:




    

  • Complete the Blogging From A to Z April Challenge.
    • 

  • I have edited, embellished, and scheduled T is for Toxic People –  Y is for Yelling.
    • 

  • I have written Z is for Zoo.
    • 

  • I have now completed the writing for this challenge, and have 1 post left to edit, embellish, and schedule.
    • 

  • The last post may take a while longer….I found many pictures I want to include, but they will need editing and collaging before posting….and that may take an added hour or three beyond what I usually need for that process.
    • 






Networking:





    

  • Continue joining hops, fests, challenges, and other community blogging efforts.
    • 

  • I posted to the Weekend Creation Blog Hop, as noted above.
    • 



    

  • Comment on and share blogs regularly; share my blogs as widely as seems feasible, and in diverse ways.
    • 

  • I read this “article” (biased, ill-informed, and rather poorly written) on unschooling.  I commented.
    • 

  • I have answered a few comments on this blog.
    • 

  • I have shared Freedom, the 2009 post I edited on The Unfettered Life.  I posted it on Facebook.
    • 

  • I also shared G is for Growth and H is for Happiness, both from my A to Z posts.
    • 

  • I have resumed the process of answering my blog comments –  another ball I released in order to focus on the A to Z challenge.
    • 









Submitting:




    

  •  Submit at least 10 pieces of flash fiction or poetry this round.
    • 

  • I have reviewed the submission guidelines for the Pittsburgh Flash Fiction Gazette.  I plan on assessing several of my existing flash fiction pieces, in preparation for submitting.
    • 

  • I have decided to make “Twice-Coupled” my first submission, and will begin preparing it in the next few days.
    • 



    

  • Submit at least 5 essays or lists this round.
    • 

  • I have reread my Cooperative Catalyst rough draft, which I had not looked at for a month or two. I will let it rest a few more days, then begin polishing it, as I finish the pieces that I intend to link it to.
    • 



    

  • Continue submitting to hops, challenges, fests, etc.; at least 3 each month.
    • 

  • I have submitted to the Storyteller Writing Challenge twice, and once to the Weekend Creation Blog Hop. 
    • 

  •  This goal has been attained for April.
    • 







Photography:




    

  •  Organize all photos on hard drive/move to organized Picasa web albums or delete.
    • 

  • I synced the pictures from last weekend to my Picasa Web Albums, and deleted the file from my hard drive.
    • 



    

  • Learn how to watermark pictures.
    • 

  • I did it!  I learned how to watermark, and designed one I can be happy with.  It may change over time, but I like it, for now!
    • 

  • This goal has been attained!
    • 



Marketing:




    

  •  Explore marketing articles on my Facebook Writer Page.
    • 

  • I explored a free copyrighting service, and have decided not to go that route.
    • 

  • I read this interview on publishing and marketing to Kindle.
    • 



    

  • Add useful articles to my shanjeniah 
    • 

  • Marketing Articles page.
    • 

  • I added the above article to my Marketing Articles page.
    • 



    

  • Use this information to help define my direction; adjust as needed.
    • 

  • I am beginning to see a shape and scope for my marketing efforts.  Nothing more than a sense of it, yet.  I will keep learning, and pondering…
    • 











 Learning:




    

  •  Get Scrivener  downloaded; begin learning by inputting first an essay, and then Blood and Breath.
    • 

  • I have begun the creation of a story arc for the remaining chapters.  I am midway through Chapter Three in this process.
    • 



    

  • Use Twitter and HootSuite  at least one day a week.  Learn more.
    • 

  • I opened  HootSuite on Saturday…and closed Facebook.
    • 



    

  • For WordPress, create a running list of questions; work on finding answers!
    • 

  • I remembered that I joined a SheWrites group for WordPress Bloggers.  I will be checking it out during the next week or so, to learn more about how to use this blog platform.
    • 



    

  • Begin learning about how to publish ebooks.
    • 

  • I have saved two articles that deal with this topic, and will be researching them through the coming weeks ( they are long; I will read them in sections).
    • 





Organizing:




    

  •  Edit all 2009 posts on  The Unfettered Life.  Consider layout and design changes.
    • 

  • I edited and updated the first of my Unfettered Life 2009 posts, Freedom.
    • 



    

  • Take clips from first Penzu notebook.
    • 

  • I have moved another entry to my LibreOffice clip files – a stream-of-consciousness essay that wanders interestingly.
    • 

  • I have deleted the file from my Penzu journal (as I do with each entry as I mine it for clips, because I am not ready to upgrade to Penzu Pro.  This keeps my single free journal from becoming unwieldly as I add to it.
    • 







Self-care:




    

  • Add JOY to every day!
    • 

  • Thursday:  Staying home; lawnmowing; reading; writing; working in my room.
    • 

  • Friday: More lawnmowing; finished April book reading goal; old blogpost reminiscing; coffee with Jim
    • 

  • Saturday: Listening to Jim and the kids assemble and fly a wood glider plane kit; lingering coffee, with Jim and alone; the rain we so needed; saying yes to Lise in the rain and in my library; saying yes to the candlelit invitation….
    • 

  • Sunday: Old picture editing; coffee with Jim;  time  with Miah looking over the typical course of study for his “grade level”; time playing and snuggling with Lise;  hometending; warm clothes on a chilly,damp day.
    • 



    

  • Add movement to every day, too!
    • 

  • Thursday: Lots of mowing. Hometending.  Yard cleanup.
    • 

  • Friday:Lots more mowing (including the steeply pitched hill; a real workout!); Hometending; climbing dome flipping; yard cleanup.
    • 

  • Saturday: A bit of mowing (ahead of soaking rain we desperately needed); hometending; other stuff.
    • 

  • Sunday: Hometending (too wet to want to be outside).  Played with Corki-dog and Annalise.
    • 



    

  • Add self-decorating to every week!
    • 

  • I decorated myself this week with sunkiseed skin, windtossed curls, and many dimply smiles. Oh, and i wore the prettiest color –  blue – every day.
    • 



    

  • Add more of my passions to each day, in as many ways as I can manage.
    • 

  • Thursday: Working in my library, home, and yard.  Reading and writing.  family time.
    • 

  • Friday: Working in home, yard, and my library.  Reading and writing.  More family time.
    • 

  • Saturday: Jim.  Candlelight. All the above stuff,too.
    • 

  • Sunday: One-on-one time with each family member.  Hometending. reading and writing.  Listening to the rain and the train whistle.
    • 



    

  • Add all these for my beloved others, too!
    • 

  • Jeremiah: Grown-up conversations; exploring and learning together in my library; coffee and snuggles together.
    • 

  • Annalise: Tablet coed arrived, and I got to watch her begin to claim the tablet for her own.  It was mine, and is loaded with lots of goodies like a 3D Brain, painting and light art programs, YouTube App, and a keyboard….I need to check to see if i left anything important stored on it (she lost the previous cord when I loaned it to her, so I couldn’t do it before I gifted it to her at Christmas.  She is loving it!
    • 

  • Jim:  His heart’s desire; a cleaner house; a happily thriving family.
    • 









 Administrative Stuff:




    

  • Write and submit third quarter reports for both children.  These are due on June 1, 2012.
    • 

  • I have completed the Reading section of Jeremiah’s third quarter report, to date.
    • 



    

  • Cleanup email folders/organize, move, read, delete, act upon as needed.
    • 

  • I winnowed my Homeschooling items folder from 60+ messages to just 19.
    • 

  • I will return at a later date and designate new homes for the remaining messages.
    • 



    

  • Input two writing practice notebooks to Penzu.
    • 

  • I am up to page11 of 120 in the first notebook.
    • 



    

  • Pay remaining balances for summer trips to Unschoolers
    • 

  • Rock the Campground and Northeast Unschooling Conference.
    • 

  • I woke in time to call the campground Friday –  but forgot to do it!  I seeem to be going to sleep a little earlier (about 3am; pretty early for me!), and rising earlier.  I plan to get the number and post myself a note so I remember tomorrow…
    • 





 Excerpt from this week’s 750 Words ~~




Oh, I liked that post. I don’t like weathermen, though, who tell us “trust me, we’re going to hold off the rain as long as we can.”




Sorry, Jason, you don’t have that ability, so far as I know. Ok, minor rant over. It’s been a slow and rather lazy day of mellow productivity and big heat (recordbreaking over 90 degree April day, but with a breeze that kept it from being as oppressive as it might have been. And since it’s been a dry spring, it wasn’t at all humid.






Which makes it weirder that a meteorologist would offer to attempt to hold off the much-needed rain.




Oh, it looks as though my battery is getting low…..I want to get my 750 words in, so I am writing, writing…. I did do some writing today, and some reading, and some tending in the home and yard.




Ok, I have enough battery to get me through. I am happy with what I’ve written tonight; it does seem that the words are coming slowly. And yet, they are coming. Sometimes that needs to happen, I think – the lull, the refilling, the pause between the inspiration and expiration; the pause in the heartbeat, the instant of held tension just before orgasm breaks over you…. I’m tired, and the images are here. And I have 750 words. =)~~










In other news:


    

  • I was nominated for my fourth blogging award today.  I will reveal the details when I have a post ready; since I am in the midst of my Z post, this update, and backed-up reading, commenting, and essay-writing, that may take a week or three, but I will get there (this is an award I have quietly coveted  since seeing it on a blog I really enjoy).  This is a new award for me. =)
    • 

  • I will be contacting my prospective guest bloggers before month’s end.  If anyone else is interested in guest posting, or hosting me as a guest blogger, feel free to drop me a comment anytime!
    • 

  • I will have an announcement of something new coming by the end of May, so stay tuned!
    • 

  • I forgot to introduce any of my followers with Wednesday’s check in.  Oops!
    
I remembered this time, though, and so…
    • 



May I introduce you to….?



And now, for the Link Treats:



 
















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							  by  					

				
S is for Self-Awareness

	


	
	

		




500 Words On….Self-Awareness.


I wonder, sometimes, if there is a bottom – or, maybe, a core –  to me, or anyone. That might be more apt.


I keep reaching more deeply into myself, unraveling the mystery threads that have been woven into the fabric of my life and my psyche.


And, the further and deeper I go, the more I find, and the deeper the depths I sense, stretching into places so deep that they  seem as though they  aren’t within me, but instead are the stuff of the universe….the echoes, maybe, of the star stuff that makes up everything in our world.




I like thinking that I am made of star stuff, that we are all universal and interwoven with each other.


Or, as my friend Tanya said today, there is even a certain harmony in our disharmonies, in the times and ways that we simply cannot get along with one another.


I am always what I live, in one sense or another, and I change according to what I experience in every moment, and how I process those happenings.




And yet, self-awareness tends to be seen as something people have, in the same way that some people think that happiness and peace are commodities.


The more deeply I go, learning myself, the more certain I am that I will never get to the deepest parts of me, because, as I learn myself, I am still living and growing and changing.


I am always changing – even when it seems that everything in my life is static and unchanging…..in those time, when I drift or rush through my life in a kind of trance of unfeeling or to-do lists and obligations and schedules.




I think that, in those times, I am building  a thicker and thicker shell around myself, and reducing the amount of space  my soul  exists in.


When I  live this way for too long, maybe it becomes nearly impossible for anyone – even me – to find a way though it to the flow of life and self that is still there, somewhere, deep inside, choked and nearly rescued to a trickle…..


We are all interwoven, and a choked-off flow in any of us affects us all.


If the choked off places are within me, I can move along the threads until I find the place that is twisted and tangled, and begin, carefully and tenderly, to learn the shape and contours of the knot, to test the strength of the thread, and to figure out whether to weave back through the flawed place, eventually setting it to rights; whether it would be better to cut the offending place out, and repair the rupture with a patch I may weave more tightly over time; or whether there is nothing to be done but to live with a snag in my soul, because, at least for now, there is nothing else I can do, but to be aware of it and wary of causing it further danger.


What do you do about the snags in your own soul? Are you aware of them? Have you effected repairs? If so, how well did it work, or is it an ongoing process?


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Q is for Quizzing

	


	
	

		




500 Words On…Quizzing.


I am almost certain that most of the people reading this had a thought related to school when they read my topic for today.


Quizzing is a huge part of the school experience for most of us, after all.


Quizzes aren’t generally as treacherous to navigate as tests, unless the word “pop” is put in front of them….


My children, though, up to this point in their lives, have never taken any quiz they haven’t chosen of their own free will.  Jeremiah, who will be eleven in September, prefers tests that say which house he would belong to if he were enrolled at Hogwart’s, how long he is likely to survive a zombie apocalypse, or what type of Pokemon he is.




Before he reaches that next birthday, though, our state’s homeschooling laws will change that reality for him, and in a big way.


My beautiful boy, who looks so much like a Renaissance artist’s vision of an angel, who loves physics and Pokemon and technology, Japan and his family and law, cooking and inventing and solving puzzles of many varieties, and a great many other things, too will be reduced, according to the state’s way of seeing things, to a collection of numbers intended to ascertain how he “measures up” to other children of his age and “grade”.




The  school system knows no translation in our home.  We live with  Jeremiah and Annalise, who are intrigued by what intrigues them, and supported as they explore their realities through every waking moment.


But Miah will be required to give up several hours of his life, to sit with a No.#2 pencil in his hand, and to, for that amount of time, have his wide-open world reduced to someone else’s irrelevant questions and filling in bubbles on a piece of paper.




What makes adults so frantic to own or assess the contents of a child’s brain that they feel it is necessary to inflict these tests upon millions of children each year?


Why do adults place so little value on children’s time – on their lives – that this is seen by ANYONE as a good idea?!


I understand that by not sending Jeremiah and Annalise to school, we open ourselves for closer scrutiny (although, in a state with so many homeschooling laws, it would seem that simply complying with the creation of IHIPs, quarterly reports, and end-of-year asessments ought to be enough).


Or, better yet, send someone to meet us at a local museum, park, or event, and spend half a day interacting with Jeremiah.




It wouldn’t take more than one genuine conversation (not a script, written by an adult, where a child is meant to fill in the blanks, but a real give-and-take between equals) to see that this is a boy who is confident and competent in the world, who notices and questions and seeks answers, who is constantly picking up little bits of information and adding them to the model of reality he is constructing.


A careful observer might notice what I have known for a long time.


Quizzing and testing dull, and often totally obscure, the brilliance of a child’s own discoveries, shared with them in the moment of epiphany.


There is nothing like it, and no test can measure the value of it!


A beautiful boy, with a keen mind that does not require testing to measure his worth - or his understanding.





			


	

	


		
			

	

				

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ROWing Mellowly Down the Stream – ROW Update #5

	


	
	

		
Miah and Lise enjoy the new coziness of my library. =)




Excerpt from 750Words, June 10, 2012~


Got less than 20 minutes left to get this in under the wire. So, tonight, nothing fancy, no corrections, just typing, to see how fast I can go, and if I come up with anything even remotely worth remembering (or even editing!) LATER!


The “problem”, if it can be called that, is that I finally had a day cool enough to move around the house without dripping sweat, and took full advantage to wring further order out of the chaos of our existence. And, once I had shifted into that that mode, I forgot, over and over again, that I still wanted to get my writing done.


I am not at all upset by it, although I really like doing these words each day, like the challenge of getting to 750 words each day, and find the act cleansing.


Sometimes, our physical space needs some cleansing, too, and sometimes I need to care for my emotional space and our home, and focus most of my energies on moving those things further along……So I got the house into a better shape, culled some of the overflowing abundance of our herd of stuff, and generally took action myself to help us all be able to ,live more easily and comfortably in this space- not to mention moving closer to the goal of thoroughly streamlining each of our possessions, so that the move into a travel trailer, or even preparing for our continuing fair-weather adventures, can be much less stressful as we go along.


Over 200 words now, and about 13 minutes to go. Will she make it,. or will she not? Will any of this be legible or worth the effort, when she’s done….well, I’m her, and I thing the process is definitely worth it, even if I don’t make it or write anything deeper than surface…


It was a physical plane kinda day…maybe there are deep thoughts going on beneath, but mostly, I tried to concern myself with presence or consciousness today. Wow, I an almost half done, with about 10 minutes to go….getting there. I do love the self-imposed pressure of a good challenge every now and then.


Back wall of my library. I like the way it's coming together.


Life is a blend, more and more. It can be hard to remember, in the lulls where things just seem somehow to be difficult and languid, that there will be more up and exuberant times, too, times when my energy and focus allow me to do a lot in a very short period of time, and in a state of flow.


Just as I am learning how my body moves through patterns of hunger, energy, and health, I also go through processes of being best suited, in certain moments, for certain things. I(f I can learn to sense them, know, them, attend to them and honor them, it would seem that my efforts, in each moment, can be more and more directed to those things that really flow easily in that moment.


Maybe that’s the secret that the ad agencies, religious sects, and governments would rather we not learn – that there is no magical political program, no magic product or bill, no technique to be bought that can give what simply attending to what we are ready for in that moment can…


Wow, a bit of shotgun philosophy, wrapped in the typos and missed keys, and Jim’s voice booming loudly beside me as he comments on the Tonight show (Bill Cosby, so we’ll keep it on till TNG comes on. Wow, almost 600 words, but it looks like I am fast running out of time and my not make it after all….but I sure as hell have been giving this my best effort.


Would’ve been better without the technological missteps…erased needed programs on this machine, took too long to find the site on the tablet, and so here I am,. Extremely last minutes, trying to get these words whacked out…


~~




Round 2 Goals:


Reading:


    

  • Read at least as many books as the number of the month (4 in April ; 5 in May; 6 in June) from my bedroom To Be Read piles.
    • 

  • I am reading book 4 of 4 for April, Hold On to Your Kids, and am on on page 213 of 280 (Wednesday 10:51pm).  I find this book vexing on several levels, and thus far disrespectful of children and their abilities, so the reading is less than joyful!
    • 



    

  • Read at least 3 articles a week from my To Be Read files on computer, and categorize those I choose to keep or share.
    • 

  • I weeded out several articles with broken links, or that I didn’t find useful.
    • 

  • I archived two items to explore in greater detail at a later date.
    • 

  • I shared this link on my Facebook Writer Page, as a possible submissions market.
    • 



    

  • Read at least 5 blogposts a week (not including my own), and like, comment, and/or share as I am moved to.
    • 

  • I have read:
    • 

  • Disjointed - commented and sharing here.
    • 

  • MORE voices in my Head  – commented and sharing here.
    • 



Writing:




    

  • Create flash fiction, short stories, dialogues, character sketches, alternate scenes, and poetry for  Chameleon’s Dish.  Wander cow trails, and learn these people and their lives more fully.
    • 

  • I am adding Blood and Breath to this goal, as well, as a way to help reconstruct and/or revision the missing chapters.
    • 

  • I have written a flash fiction scene that may be the foundation of the epilogue for Blood and Breath. 
    • 



    

  • Pull material from 750 words posts not part of the Chameleon’s Dish first draft.
    • 

  • I pulled the excerpt that appears at the beginning of this blogpost.  I liked what it said about blending and balancing, times of intense writing, and times when other things draw my focus.
    • 



Blogging:




    

  • Complete the Blogging From A to Z April Challenge.
    • 

  • I have written rough drafts of all posts through W is for Wonder.
    • 

  • I have edited, embellished, and scheduled posts through Saturday, April 21, S is for Self-Awareness.
    • 

  • I am nearing the end of the creative part of the process, and am looking forward to having more time for other projects –  and reading others’ posts, too! =D
    • 








My newly organized and relocated bookshelf, in triplicate.









Networking:




    

  • Continue joining hops, fests, challenges, and other community blogging efforts.
    • 

  • I have entered  the Storyteller Writing Challenge.  
    • 



    

  • Comment on and share blogs regularly; share my blogs as widely as seems feasible, and in diverse ways.
    • 

  • I haven’t commented on as many blogs this week, thus far-  I have been called away by nice weather and outdoor occupations; my new room; reading; working toward the end of my A to Z posts;  my flash fiction piece; and the rest of life.
    • 

  • I plan to be a very active reader and commenter as soon as I have written my final A to Z post.
    • 



Submitting:




    

  • Continue submitting to hops, challenges, fests, etc.; at least 3 each month.
    • 

  • I have submitted twice so far this month, leaving one more to post in order to attain the April portion of this goal.
    • 

















 Organizing:




    

  •  Edit all 2009 posts on  The Unfettered Life.  Consider layout and design changes.
    • 

  • I have changed the layout of the blog, and added a page for Jeremiah, at his request.
    • 

  • Next will come adding a page for Annalise, and diving into the editing process.
    • 



    

  • Take clips from first Penzu notebook.
    • 

  • I took another rough  essay from the notebook.
    • 











My writing area - spacious, embracing, and welcoming - also, close to the doorway and accessible to the common spaces.


Self-care:




    

  • Add JOY to every day!
    • 

  • Monday: Relaxing day – home and yardtending; coffee with Jim;  hanging with the family; reading; writing; claiming  my space.
    • 

  • Tuesday: Began mowing lawn;  family time; reading; story creating.
    • 

  • Wednesday: Home and yardtending; one-on-one time with all family members; reading and writing; reclaiming my space.
    • 



    

  • Add movement to every day, too!
    • 

  • Monday: More raking, yard cleanup, hometending.
    • 

  • Tuesday: Finished raking front yard; began mowing; hometending.
    • 

  • Wednesday:Finished mowing front lawn; cleaned side yard and began to mow;  hometending; claiming my space.
    • 



    

  • Add more of my passions to each day, in as many ways as I can manage.
    • 

  • Monday: Family time; reading and writing; owning my space.
    • 

  • Tuesday:Lots of kissing and Jim time; lots of kid snuggles; reading; story creating.
    • 

  • Wednesday: Owning my new space; lots of time with Lise; home and yardtending; pursuing goals; Big Bang Theory.
    • 



    

  • Add all these for my beloved others, too!
    • 

  • Jim - Coffee, conversation; what he really wanted.
    • 

  • Jeremiah - Questions answered; snuggles given; conversation.
    • 

  • Annalise - Snuggles; play; talk; being near each other; new cord for her inherited tablet.
    • 





Administrative Stuff:




    

  • Write and submit third quarter reports for both children.  These are due on June 1, 2012.
    • 

  • I have written the Reading section of Annalise’s  report.  That was fun – she is developing her independent reading skills quickly and joyfully!
    

    • 



    

  • Cleanup email folders/organize, move, read, delete, act upon as needed.
    • 

  • Cleaned out, then deleted, CComputer Info, which was a duplicate and unneeded file.
    • 



    

  • Input two writing practice notebooks to Penzu.
    • 

  • I have input up to page 9 of 120 in the first notebook.
    • 




    

  • Jim has cleared us to pay for the rest of the campground fee.  Now I just need to be up before noon to call the lodge and pay them –  easier said than done!
    • 





One of the things that surfaced in my cleaning was an animal drawing book Auntie Mouse (Eden Mabee) gave to Jeremiah several years ago. Annalise enjoyed exploring it - here is her first effort - a duck. Quack!


o, it’s been a mellow few days for me, ROW goals- wise. I’ve been busy with the transitions in my life – creating a writing space, beginning the process of yard care and the outward movement of our lives that is a natural outgrowth of thedoftening of spring; two children learning and growing at a currently frenetic page (game card creating; beading; allosaurus; dog genetics; online tech research; lots of talk and play; animal art – among many other things).


Ans I have been engaged in projects that are a bit longer range – finishing my A to Z blog posts, and my last book of the month. Writing a piece of flash fiction that seemed to have a mind of its own.


Making a neglected and hugely cluttered little cubby into my own personal writing nook, with the full support of my family.


My family…


have loosened up a bit about the state of the house, and have spent some time reframing and redefining what will help me. Then, I simply told everyone what would mean the most to me – one of the things I love is to get up to a shiny kitchen (often, what greets me is diametrically opposed to that).


And, since I shared that little dream, I have woken each day to a cleaner kitchen, courtesy of Jim and Jeremiah.


Annalise helped me with my raking, and with yard cleanup and dog waste removal. Miah took the recycling to the curb, and both children have been making a greater effort to help with indoor tidying.


It’s a bit of a lull, pace-wise. I feel things filling in, and I know that a surge of writing is building.


These peaceful times always seem to be the waiting for the seeds to sprout – and sprout they will.


Let’s check in on the rest of the ROWers!








Grubby shirt; sleepily happy girl who spent a good part of her last week outside.




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