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Mother’s Day 2009

The lovely chaos of a nine-year-old boy. =)

This was my first Mother’s Day with my husband. He is a chef, and that means
Mother’s Day Brunches – early mornings, gone all day, and home exhausted.
Although it’s always been this way, I selfishly let myself feel I was owed
something special the second Sunday in May.

This year, Cinqo de Mayo fell on his regular day off, and it’s a Latino
restaurant. The trade-off for working it was today at home!

I fantasized about French toast and sausage in bed, a picnic lunch in a local
park with fountains, springs, streams, ducks, aple room to run, and a carousel
for Annalise. Then I’d get a blissful hour or two to shut myself in my room and
write.

I was woken by a little girl who’d picked me a tulip and a lilac sprig, and was
ready to go make me a card. Jim brought coffee in bed (he forgot to pick up
eggs and sausage, but I don’t really eat when I get up, anyway). We had
conversation punctuated by cuddles and tickles, then got up to do some family
work. The kids were up late last night, so there was quite a bit of creative
byproduct to tend to. Jim scooped the yard, because he said I shouldn’t need to
do that on Mother’s Day, and we wanted to mow.

He played with the kids, moved their climbing dome to where they wanted it, and
did most of the back yard while I finished up Jeremiah’s quarterly report. Even
that has stopped being the burden it used to be only a few months ago. Now, I
tell the school enough to satisfy them that learning is occurring here,although
I could add so much more, as Jeremiah is blossoming since TV, computer, sleep,
and food controls were lifted. I also enjoy seeing how he’s grown since the
last report, and remembering the indelible moments behind the dry
“educationalese” the school seems to need.

That done, I went to take a turn mowing so Jim could do some motorcycle repair.
But we were out of gas. and, in that moment, I felt my disappointment, and knew
that I actually wanted to mow. Jim, my hero, went to the station to get more,
and I read The Gas We Pass and Fancy Nancy’s A to Z Book of Fancy Words to an
intestine, vocabulary, and fashion loving Annalise, who was sad not to be going
with Daddy…

Jeremiah was taking full advantage of Mom’s laptop and its Internet to play
Qubo, Funbrain, Poptropia, and Age of Empires II, which he deemed “the coolest
game EVER!” I mowed “roads” for Annalise, who likes to follow directly behind
me, holding my shirttails. She found a length of PVC pipe, christened it Little
Black, and rode it round and round the yard, through the garage, with Corki the
dog for a companion.

Tulip and her naughty bits….

Annalise and I got to see the wires frying and the huge cloud of smoke when Jim
shorted out the bike’s circuitry (for the second time…he is frustrated, but
thinking….). Scary-impressive.

We ordered Chinese, and made the kids a Chinese monkey platter. We all watched
Star Trek, “The Trouble with Tribbles” because Miah wanted to, then part of
“I,Mudd” (androids and miming and Mudd, oh my!) before Jim and the kids made me
dark chocolate-dipped strawberries. Then Jim did hugs and tickles and “The
Incredible Journey” with the kids, and I did get an hour or so to write before I
went and helped Lise put all her babies in pajamas and beds, and wash and hang

“Shhh…Koko the gorilla is snuggling Baby Annalise”.

their laundry on the clothesline, and the boys did boy things.

Now Lise is asleep, Jeremiah is playing Carmen Sandiego Mysteries Through Time
and watching Friends, and Jim and I are winding down, watching M*A*S*H…

I am truly blessed…..this is what it’s all about, isn’t it…just the living,
joyfully, freely, and in a way that honors us all…*BWG*

Wow!

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Saturday’s Share: Not So Very Long Ago…

Photo credit: Eden Mabee.

Not so very long ago, I had a little boy about to be three, and a brand new baby girl.

It can’t be seen in this picture, but I was also a bereaved mother, because I might also have had a one year old son – twelve days does not make for a long lifetime.

To look at Jeremiah and Annalise today, at  nearing 12 and almost 9, makes this picture seem like it was taken a lifetime ago,  and it was – Annalise’s lifetime.

There’s a cliche or two about time flying and waiting on no man (or woman, little boy, or newborn baby girl)…

The thing about cliches is that they very often carry kernels of truth.

I still remember this summer day, sitting on my lifelong friend Eden’s couch, nervously watching my little blonde-headed boy, who was born to be a big brother, holding his tiny sister, who brought so much joy and life and light back to us with her safe (if jaundiuced) arrival into our family.

That couch sin’t there anymore, that deliciously adorable towheaded boy is now an almost-teen with a riot of darker-golden curls, and a penchant for physics, chemistry, and technology.   He stands to my nose, at the moment, but that isn’t likely to last much longer. He is still an amazing brother.

That itty-bitty girl, so fresh and new, is a robust girl  blossoming in many ways.  She is a person of many passions – performing, wildlife, art, storytelling, fashion, and challenging her body among them.

I could say that time flies, but the words are so often said that they become almost inaudible…

Instead, I will say that I am grateful to have had all the moments between this one and the above image, the moments that bind me to these children, and them to me.  The moments of their becoming.

I haven’t always been proud of how I moved through those moments.  I haven’t always been kind.  I have repeated mistakes I vowed, as a child, that I never would.

There have been moments when I wasn’t paying attention at all.

I wasted those, and now can never get them back.

There will be a moment, not so very far off, now, when these children of today are grown beyond the need for the support system we currently provide for them.  Independence is something they both value;  I imagine it, for both of them, as a happy moment when they claim their place in the world, and I settle more into the background of their lives.

Until then, and  after, I intend to enjoy as many of these moments as I can fit in, to not let them slip away as though they are infinite, and instead to treat them as the treasures they are.

I am witness to, and still an active participant in, who they are, and who they will become.  I want not to forget this, or waste these precious moments on inconsequentials.

And, in those moments when I begin to forget, perhaps this post and this image, captured so long and yet not so long ago, will remind me…

 

 

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Trusting Life – #ROW80 Update, 2/20/13

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Today is my husband’s 49th birthday, and the 16th anniversary of the day we met, at a small hotel just outside of Grand Canyon National Park. Moqui Lodge has disappeared along with the tribe it was named for, now…but Jim and I are still here.

One year ago today, I wasn’t sure that that would be true. Jim began his last birthday in a helicopter, being airlifted to Albany Medical Center, after a collision with a deer as he rode his old Suzuki home for vacation.

The children and I began it on our way to the hospital in the dark, staving off panic by exploring both the best case- and worst-case scenarios…maybe it was Elijah’s death when Miah was only 22 months old, and not quite a year before Annalise was born…or maybe just an inherent belief that it’s better to tell children hard truths (gently, at a level they can comprehend and process), rather than to shield them from truths that may become undeniable.

After an agonizing wait, first in the main emergency waiting room, then in a small private room – where I finished my ROW80 update and fielded alarmed Facebook messages as a means to hold my own fraying edges together, so that I could be somewhat calm and reassuring for the children – we were finally addressed by a surgeon who seemed almost impossibly young, but who spoke with confidence, meeting my eyes and answering my questions as he detailed a 100-foot journey from bike to road, 8 broken ribs, a collapsed lung, a lacerated spleen that might need cauterization, and a possibly broken hand. “Minimal chance of mortality,” he said, as though that was a normal thing to say (and, for him, maybe it was – better news than he had to deliver to other, less fortunate, families).

At the beginning……August 23, 1997.

And now, here we are. One year later.

Jim is in more pain than he was before the accident, and isn’t quite as strong. He isn’t riding as much, and has moments of post-traumatic stress. But he is alive, and healthy.

So, today, I celebrate this man, my partner, my best friend, my accomplice….I celebrate that he is here, and that the near-tragedy and long recovery have grown us closer, encouraged us to be more present in our lives together, and birthed a higher tolerance for the “slings and arrows of outrageous fortune”.

We won’t, after all, live forever. Jim is 49, now, and I will be 44 at the end of July.

We are not young, as we were when we first married, at 28 and 33.

We’re seasoned. We’ve been parents for nearly 11 and a half years. We’ve traveled across the country 3 times, now, the last with a nursing newborn, from Montana to upstate New York, in October of 2001, when life as an American was perhaps as frightening as it has ever been.

We’ve lived together, growing together by growing into ourselves….we’ve called some of the most beautiful places in the world our backyards (the Canyon, the Everglades, Yellowstone, the Oregon woods).

We have delighted together

Tiny Miah had a giant love of vacuum cleaners!

at our children’s growth, and devoted ourselves to raising them, and learning to provide for them a peace and wholeness that neither of us felt in our own childhoods. There is no way to express the depth of change, learning, and determination that is required to learn to parent in a way so unlike what we knew, or even how we began. We’re still learning, but we can see, now, the vast benefits…not only to the children, but to us, because parenting with the intention of peaceful partnership has also healed us, as people and as a couple.

We have been with our infant as he died, the NICU fading out, until it was just us three, there at the end of his brief life, spent mostly in coma. And we embraced each other’s grief, not making Jim’s need for silence (still, almost ten years later), or mine to revisit (still, nearly ten years later), wrong or less than….

I know many words, and ways of stringing them together….but, for the profound gratitude of this man in my life, and in our childrens’, alive and happy, able to do most of what he wants – for this joyous gift, I have no words. Only a song in my soul, and warm, blissful tears….

 

Now, for the update….

My Big Three:

Finding Esta edit:

  • COMPLETED!!!!!!

Homeschooling reporting:

  • First Reading objective (a very small start!).

WANA113:

  • Read lessons 2 and 3.
  • More thought on action plans – nothing new written, thus far.
  • Pulled and colorblocked passages from 750 words relevant to this class (and others I want to play with, as well).

The early days – Miah, age 3, Lise, age 3 months, and Jim. almost 40.

Other things:

  • Answered several blog comments.
  • Looked over Jeremiah’s initial blog transfer research, and paid up.=)
  • 750 Words – fan fiction, expostion, and planning.
  • Catching up on sleep; even took a nap!

 

ROW80 sponsor visits:

Reading (will be part of action plan):

APE (Author, Publisher, Entrepreneur):

  • 33% complete

Wild Mind: Living the Writer’s Life:

  • 20% complete

 

Coming Attractions:

Tiny girl- giant taste for literature!

  • Jeremiah’s homeschool report
  •  Schedulekitten spaying for Srindi and Achoo.
  • Finish Big Blogging Grokking
  • More grokking action plans
  • Finish books

 

 

 

 

In honor of Jim, will you take a moment to share the miracles in your life?

It’s a BLOG HOP!

 

Self-portrait on the Metro, Washington, D.C. September 2, 2008

 

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Written Beatings?

Written Beatings ?

One night, while browsing a social media site, I found a complaint posted by a sibling who asserted that, for the last year, her parents have been “taking a written beating” on the internet, and “having their names dragged through the mud”.I learned that they are “defenseless” against these attacks, because they have no access to the Internet.

A part of me wanted to flash right back in reactive anger…you see, I am the accused perpetrator of these crimes.

Every instinct I have, every shred of integrity, has been screaming, “No fair!” about these allegations. But, as with many issues of family dynamics entrenched since birth , it was some time before I could put words to the reason why I felt such wrongness in it.

Until a week or two ago, when I reread that comment, and, in a flash, I KNEW!!!!

Here’s why it’s an unjust accusation, and one that conveniently ignores truth.

My truth – which, incidentally, is what I’ve been writing to inspire such allegations.

My sibling is concerned about the written beating my parents cannot defend against…

Yet nothing in that post addresses the actual beatings I received from my parents, throughout my childhood. Yes, I am talking about physical abuse and domination; whatever would satisfy the parental privilege to punish any infraction, or simply to vent rage or frustration upon someone who had no choice but to take it.

These acts were inflicted upon my own child self.

When I was a child and my parents hit me, screamed at me, belittled or humiliated me, I was truly defenseless.

I had no power whatsoever to stop what was happening, and what was happening was violent, scary, painful to my body, and hugely damaging to my psyche,resulting in a need to appease; even at great personal cost; rage that was uncontrolled for many years; accepting abusive treatment; disbelief in my own worth; a difficulty in trusting; an immobilizing fear of being trapped; and a tendency to blame myself for others’ behavior.

I was, quite literally, defenseless against these physical beatings. I don’t say that as an accusation, but as a statement of obvious and undeniable truth.

By contrast, I have remained silent, publicly, about these aspects of my childhood for most of my life (I am 43, and I began delving them and sharing them somewhere about 41). That is a very long grace period – I have been writing since I was 7. At any time, one or both parents might have honestly acknowledged the results of their choices. They have not chosen to, and so that avenue of healing is closed to me.

I do this with my own children on an ongoing basis, because I did terrible, wounding things to them, too, things that can’t be undone. With openness and a deep intent on my part to hold myself accountable for those choices and the damage done by them, there has been great healing and rebuilding of trust.

Although I spent most of my life denying what had been done, much as my sibling did in referring to those choices as “mistakes”, in the manner of stubbing a toe or burning the toast – no big deal – I try, now, to relay my truth accurately, and I have often stated that what I have are memories rather than physical proof. I am a person of vivid and reasonably accurate memories, and still I know that time and perspective shift things, and my memories are not infallible.

As I heal, and practice the art of compassion (not something I learned, in childhood), I have also made clear that my parents are not monsters, but, in some ways, still wounded children of abuse themselves, that they were acting out their revenge against their own parents through the medium of their children, just as generations likely did before them, and as I did with my own children, later.

But the accusation is that I have perpetrated written beatings against the defenseless. In my family of origin, such rhetoric tends to be accepted as unquestionable truth.

I want to examine that “truth”.

My parents, if they wish, can have access to everything I have publicly shared about my childhood, if in no other way (smartphones, libraries), then surely through the sibling making the accusations against me (who clearly has access to at least some of it).

If they think I an lying, they can seek to charge me with slander, or serve a cease-and-desist letter.

They can publicly refute my words.

They can talk to me, and ask why I am sharing these things, and ask me to stop.

Therefore, they are not defenseless.

Now, to the accusation of “written beating”:

I can see how it may feel like that, to them – but then, when one is faced with an unpleasant and unsavory truth about oneself, it is seldom a pleasant experience, no matter how it occurs.

But I am not badmouthing them – I am sharing my experiences, my own life, and the way I lived as a child in their keeping is a fundamental part of that life. I share, not to accuse, not to drag anyone through the dirt.It may be noted here, and everywhere I have posted these aspects of my life, that I do not give names, or features, and, as my name has significantly changed, through marriage and design, a very small number of people will specifically know the individuals I am referring to.

I offer them the gift of as much anonymity as is possible, and they do not have to claim their part in anything I write. I do this because, rather than seeking revenge, I am trying to heal, and to understand, and to share my life and what I have learned, as I live very differently, today, with my own family.

Attacks require intent, and I have no intent to cause harm, only to heal what I can, and to learn to live peacefully with what remains. I have found paths for this – not continuing to hold a dangerous silence, when I know that my words have impact.

And they do. I have already shifted the way more than a person or two views their children or their own childhood, through my writing.

I’ve found a way to give some meaning to the suffering, fear, and damage I will always bear. I can be the voice for children who have none, because I remember in detail, and because now I am an adult and I know how to use my voice.

I can be kinder, and continue to learn the art of compassion, and extend it outward to my parents, to my sibling, because I see that it is their woundedness that hurt me, and that now wants to defend against my personal truth.

What I am doing, far from being an abuse of my parents, is creating some good from my own pain.

To protest that I am attacking my defenseless parents is to imply that what I am doing, in speaking the truth, is a far greater crime against them than their abuse was against me, and that they have less power than my child self did.

These things are so blatantly untrue, that only a wounded mind could believe them.

The words people use matter. Sometimes, words offer clarity; other times they throw up straw men intended to draw attention away from truth, and to discredit those who express that truth.

And that is the final, perhaps most deeply held, reason that I write, and share, and refuse now to hide or sugarcoat what affect these acts had and still have upon me.

I will not be part of any conspiracy that exonerates the perpetrators of violent acts, while indicting the victims of those acts if they dare to speak their truths, because nothing can be cured or healed, that way.

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Kitten Central – Thankvember NaNoROW, 11/18/12

 

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Greetings from Kitten Central!

The children and I made the hour-plus drive today, and claimed our two semi-feral kittens, Srindi and Squeak. They’ve had exposure to Eden Mabee and her family, and a bit of limited access to inside, but, for the most part, they have lived outside, with their sister Pumpkin and mom Creamsicle.

So this will be a short update, because our home is suddenly full of felines, and it’s the beginning of Jim’s weekend, and I am tired from a lot of driving, a very pleasant visit, and tending to small lives…

I might have more to say on Wednesday, when things will have settled a bit…

So, what’s new in your life? Leave me a comment, if you are inclined…I love comments! =D

Modified #ROW80 / #NaNoWriMo Projects November 1-30, 2012

Due to National Novel Writing Month and the NaNoWriMo Challenge, the landscape of my writing life has shifted.

Now that I have completed the challenge, I will be focusing on the homeschool reports, and will also be interspersing smaller projects into my writing times. These will include catching up on email, Twitter, and blog comments; preparing and submitting; following up on some guest posting and awards business; and tidying things up so that I can spend the remainder of the round effectively.

I am serving as a  ROW80sponsor for this round.

  • I have resumed to my established Monday/Thursday visiting schedule.
  • I will continue to post twice-weekly updates on my progress.
  • Continuing to meet this goal. =D

I will be participating in NaNoWriMo throughout November, writing at least 50,000 words of another novel in my TruebornWeftseries, Sima Garo Provides.

  • I tend to get quite solitary when I am noveling. I intend, this time, to visit my buddies at least a few times each during the round, and to visit the NaNoWriMo 2012 Facebook Page at least once a day, as well as the #NaNoWriMo folks over atTwitter, which I am finally getting the hang of.
  • I have continued to visit the Facebook NaNo Page, sometimes throughout the day, and others just to drop in here or there.
  • I am beginning to visit my Writing Buddies, albeit slowly.  
  • I am beginning to read the other interviews at My Write Spot (mine went up on the 16th).
  • I intend to make comments on each interview after I read it, and to visit those interviewees who inspire or intrigue me.
  • I will be posting updates here, and likely also on my shanjeniah’s Trueborn blog.
  • I’ve seriously scaled back my writing on my NaNo novel, now that I have attained the 50K goal. Other projects have taken precedence, but I am still writing, and gearing up to enter the endgame chapters.
  • I know there is at least one glaring inconsistency. I am leaving it for now, though, because I am not doing rewrites until sometime this winter. Also, I am in the process of a better approach to the plot point in question, so deleting a few paragraphs will likely fix the problem.
  • Otherwise, I am still really liking this story, and the way it connects to other volumes in the double series. 
  • And, of course, I will be writing a novel this month…or 50,000 words of one, anyway! =)
  • I am currently at 52, 230 words, and have finished Scene 4 and Chapter Nine.  
  • Excerpt from this session’s writing:
  • Sima Garo Provides, Chapter Nine, Scene Four (mild eroticism). 

Fitness Goals – I will focus on eating something each time I am hungry (and getting protein and magnesium into every other time I eat). I will be active enough that I can always feel my body and muscles. I will add more fruits and vegetables to my diet, and be more attentive to how much water I am drinking.

  • I intend to continue to make this a priority, as it will add to my quality of life and help me to be feeling as healthy and energized as I can throughout the month.
  • I am continuing to focus attention on these goals.
  • I am eating more fruits and vegetables, and of a more diverse variety. Over the past days, I have enjoyed a butternut squash and a roasted vegetable souffle (frozen meals).
  • Jim has continued bring me dinners that are veggie-filled, and light on cheese and sauces. I’ve had veggie tacos, seafood and chicken subs, fish tacos, chicken, veggie, and black bean burrito. and salad with grilled chicken and guacamole (I love guacamole!).
  • Jim brought home honey-crisp apples, and I enjoyed one of those,frozen grapes, and a banana.
  • On Saturday, I made a batch of smoothies using pomegranate seeds (I love pomegranates, too!), apple, pink grapefruit, banana, canned pineapple and juice, strawberry Greek yogurt, and ice cubes. It is really good! I froze some, and put some in the fridge (the kids tried it, but didn’t like it).
  • I am drinking more water. I want more focus here.
  • I am continuing to make sure that I am eating protein and magnesium. 
  • I will be recording my progress here, along with my energy levels for that Sunday – Tuesday or Wednesday – Saturday period.
  • My activity level has been at Slack Tide during the last days. I’ve managed to move ahead on writing projects and hometending projects, and also to care for Achoo the kitten, who resisted our efforts to sequester her in true tiny feline fashion, and now roams freely about the house.

Moving ahead with the Reporting Pages projects for both children..

  • These are non-negotiable and due on December 1, 2012.
  • I will attempt to do 4 pages a week, and more if I am able, taking a few moments to deal with a point at a time, during the times when I am shifting from one activity to another throughout the day and night.
  • I completed Annalise’s Sciences section.
  • I finished Jeremiah’s Sciences section.
  • I will report my progress here with each update.
  • Progress is listed above.
  • I am still not where I want to be with this goal, but, as I am now making this my main objective, and I am past the always-prodigious sciences sections, things will be moving along more quickly.

I am participating in the Thankvember Blog Hop.

I will be scheduling them ahead where and when I can. When I can’t, I will do them at some point throughout the day.

My overarching goal for this round remains: To Honor Myself – my rhythms, energy, needs, truth, dreams, desires, and emotions.

   It’s a BLOG HOP!

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Joy – Thankvember Eighteenth

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Joy – Thankvember Eighteenth

For a good deal of my adult life, I didn’t give joy much thought at all. My parents and teachers had made it abundantly clear, after all, that being an adult was serious work. They didn’t talk about joy, or finding my passions, or following my heart and my own instincts. They talked instead about responsibility, unmet potential, pipe dreams, common sense, and work ethic, and so these things were where I put my focus.

So, whenever I did something I loved doing, for no other reason than that I did love it, I dealt with a sense of guilt that had me making justifications for why it was a worthwhile endeavor. Often, I would set myself up with assignments and schedules, which gave whatever I was doing a sense of importance in the “adult world” – and, at the same time, sucked the pastime free of the life and fire that had drawn me to it in the first place.

There was something unspoken about doing things just for the sheer joy of doing them. At the same time, I have a nature that resists what is forced upon me, but which thrives on inspiration, intrigue, imagination, and delight.

I suffered much guilt for doing as I pleased, and that took much of the wonder out of it.

It took me until after my fortieth birthday to realize something. This is my life. No one else can tell me, really, how to live it, because no one else is me, living every breath of my own life.

I don’t need permission anymore to live on my own terms. I don’t make justifications for indulging in my passions.

Two years ago, I made a conscious choice to learn to do only what brings me joy. I’m not perfect at it yet, but I am learning.

Does this mean I never wash dishes, do laundry, scoop up after the dog or clean up after the children?

In a word, no. It doesn’t mean that at all.

What it does mean is that I am learning to approach necessary tasks in a different way. For instance, the homeschooling laws in our state require us to write five to six reports per child per year, as well as keep an attendance logs.


I do not like writing these reports – they are tedious and dull, in a way that the things the children are engaged in never are. These reports remind me of one of the primary reasons we chose not to send the children to school unless they choose to go – school tries to reduce everything into a recipe or a formula. After years of watching my children learn in ways as individual as they are, I can attest to the fact that this is not true.

However, I love my life with my children, and value their freedom to learn in ways that are natural and relevant to them, personally. I trust that they will learn what they need to know, and I am willing to support them more or less around the clock as they do so.

If I did not write the reports, we would be in violation of state homeschooling law, and that might lead to being required to enroll the children in school.

My children have this joy thing down pat!

So, I write the reports, and I do my best to keep my focus on what is being gained in the writing. I make sure I have lots of other interesting writing projects going, then, so that I can slip in a point or two on the reports somewhat painlessly, here and there.

It works the same with laundry and dishes. We buy sweetly and naturally scented detergents, and I do the work in small segments. And, when I really don’t feel like doing them, I don’t, because hometending begrudgingly creates a bad vibe in our home.

By respecting my energy levels and my right to live my life as I please, I have both brought a great deal more joy into that life, and, although it may seem paradoxical, far more productive.

It’s a BLOG HOP!

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Abundance – Thankvember Eleventh

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Abundance – Thankvember Eleventh

We live a simple life, here, but an abundant one. Our one income, very modest by American standards, would be a fortune in most places on this planet. We don’t always remember that, but we do feel abundance in many ways.

So many of the things we most treasure are free, including:

  • Outside play – playgrounds, parks, the backyard
  • Libraries
  • Museums
  • Festivals and events
  • Time with beloved friends and family
  • Hugs, kisses, and cuddles

Other things are very low cost for the joy they provide, such as:

  • Local play areas, like bounce houses
  • Snacks and treats
  • Travel
  • Pets
  • Internet
  • Cable
  • Visits to places like bookstores
  • Museums with fees

We shop often at thrift stores, garage sales, Ebay, Craigslist, and other such places, because:

  • We are, by nature, frugal people
  • We can manage to meet more of our needs and desires if we are willing to own slightly older models of things that will serve our purposes.
  • We all tend to enjoy owning things that have stories – even when we don’t know what those stories are.
  • We like the fact that, by buying many items previously owned, we are reusing, and therefore conserving resources.
  • Buying used items the majority of the time allows us to by certain items new when we might not otherwise be able to afford them.

These are the nuts and bolts of our abundance, but it goes far deeper than making due and emplying ingenuity to make the most of a single modest income.

But the keys that make it work are deeper.:

  • It’s a sense of gratitude for what we already have and can provide.
  • It’s knowing ourselves well enough to judge for ourselves whether items that catch our momentary fancy will truly support our lives, passions, and purposes, or whether we might rather admire them from afar and use our resources on things that will.
  • We all enjoy one another’s company, and many pleasant hours together tend to lead to less want and desperation where material things are concerned.
  • Each of us respects those things that are important to the others, and, when someone wants a major purchase, we are all willing to try to help them to fulfill their wishes. Knowing that there will be no battle with others where we must justify our heart’s desires translates into a more peaceful home where everyone is learning to consider these acquisitions against the necessities of family life (the electric bill, groceries, gas for the cars, etc).
  • We have perhaps the most valuable things of all already; love, companionship, fulfillment, challenge, affection, purpose, freedom – and time. By not over-scheduling our time, and by asking ourselves often whether we are spending it as we choose, we find that there is generally more free time in every day than we would have thought possible a few years ago. And time is not something that we can buy in any store.

I think there is much more for me to learn and truly understand about the concept and state of abundance – and I am abundantly grateful for all that we have already discovered!

Annalise, at age 5, with an abundance of sand on a Massachusetts beach. Photo by Jean Dorsey.

 

It’s a BLOG HOP!

 

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Scent – Thankvember Ninth

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Scent – Thankvember Ninth There are certain scents that are bright in my memory. The smell of homemade spaghetti sauce, simmering in a big stainless kettle on the back of our stove, with the lights dimmed in the living room, blending with evergreen and a frosty chill that snuck in at the edges of things.

For those sauce-smelling moments, I can hold to that memory, played out to the sound of John Denver‘s “Back Home Again”, while I rocked and swiveled slowly in the swivel rocker in the corner, displaced by the twinkling lights of the Christmas tree. And I can, for a few moments, have a memory uncorupted by shame, yelling, or hitting.

Baby shampoo, especially in my daughter’s hair, sends me back vividly to those baby days of baths in the folding plastic tub her brother used first, set on the dining room table, with towels and lotions to the side, everything just so, because, in those days, it was different details I was concerned with, and there was a huge stake in getting it right.

Now, the baby shampoo scent is often mixed with sweat and the smell of outside, for, at 8, she has grown into a strong and sturdy girl who loves challenging herself physically, and has a keen love of nature. Today, it’s baby shampoo, sweat, Gushers candy, and the fertile smell of fall leaves on a warmer than typical November day. And, these days, while I still attend to details, the ones that matter have less to do with the particulars of her personal hygiene – for the most part, these days, she sees to that very well herself – but whether or not she is living a happy, fulfilling life.

Poised to create new scents…Annalise at 6, Herkimer Diamond Mines, NY

Today, I am finishing an onion and lentil soup in the slow cooker. As the smell drifts through the house, where it will eventually find me wherever I am, I am reminded of so many other cooking smells – how heavenly Jim’s homemade bread smells, even before I taste it, that beef stew that kept me awake writing and eating buttered multigrain bread by the fire one night, the way salmon and garlic toast smelled, slowly cooking on the top of our old wood-stove, that time the ice storm had the power out for most of two days….

There is a smell about my husband when he comes home from work. He is a chef, and the kitchen wafts about him, giving the dog a private aroma party. Those smells are the smell of our livelihood, the scents of his workaday, which pays the price of the life we live.

Millions of smells, all meaningful, all carrying memories. There’s a direct connection between the two that I treasure. In my fiction writing, there are two cultures in which scent is far more revealing and informative than language. As I grow older and understand myself better, the more I learn that very little of my fiction is accidental. I am a sensual, sensory being, and scent carries messages and meanings I am grateful for.

 

It’s a BLOG HOP!

 

 

 

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Unschooling – Thankvember Second

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Unschooling -Thankvember Second

It would be impossible to overstate the depth of my gratitude for unschooling, and the huge shifts it has engendered in my family – and in myself.

 

I am the child of abuse. I do not blame my abusers, who were a link in a chain that stretches back through generations. However, the patterns of my upbringing are layered through all the levels of my psyche, like a type of poisoned baklava.

 

Until I began to discover the basic philosophies of unschooling, and to apply them to myself and my interactions with my children, I did not realize that these layers existed. And so I acted out the patterns that made up my own childhood, inflicted some of the same abuses upon my own children, even while knowing that there was something wrong, some disconnect that had me too often being unkind to the children I love with all of my soul.

 

Years of scouring mainstream parenting books and periodicals only made the situation worse, as I began to realize that their intent was to manipulate children to conform to adult expectations. I began to realize how much of my time was spent in creating and enforcing rules and consequences – the “enlightened” name I gave to punishments that were often born of frustration or impotent rage.

 

As I was reading more and more about raising children with principles rather than rules; respect rather than reward and punishment; and partnership rather than dictatorship; all that energy, and all the angst that came as part and parcel of being the lawmaker, police, and judge over my children seemed to be wasted.

 

There was a tumultuous period of transition, where I changed too much, too fast for any member of our family to cope with, but, within a few months of beginning, the differences in our lives and our homes made all the adjustments and rocky periods worth it, even though, if I were beginning again, I would move more slowly, and allow far more time to adjust to the changes in a more gradual fashion.

 

Now, four years into our unschooling journey, we have an incredibly loving, peaceful home. It’s not that we don’t have some of the same emotional storms that exist in all homes, especially those with passionate personalities, and now that both our children are closing in on the grand new adventure of puberty.

 

It’s that we no longer look on these storms as tantrums, or the mistakes our children make in the course of living their lives “behavior issues”. Instead, we look at theses compromised moments in the same way that we do our own. There is no need to punish or correct; simply being there for someone (whatever their age) who is weathering emotions too intense to be contained.

 

We talk here, a lot. Not in the way that parents often talk to their children, in scripts and to-do lists and lectures. We talk as four people who love each other, like each other, and genuinely enjoy living together. When there are conflicts, we try to resolve them quickly, and in a way that respects needs and wishes as much as possible.

 

We also actively work toward improving our ability to discuss problems and conflicts peacefully, which not only makes our lives better now, but gives us all very valuable tools to use in all conflicts.

 

Because my children have the freedom to choose much of the content of their own lives, their learning is natural and relevant. They are surprisingly capable, already, at 11 and 8. They are not preparing for life – they are living it, right now and in every moment, on their own terms. They aren’t at a loss for how to fill their days, nor do they look to their parents to tell them what they are supposed to do next. They are confident, and engage adults as equals, usually with a friendly smile and genuine interest.

 

Taking the leap of faith of leaving behind the mainstream ideas that did not work for us was frightening, but it has changed our lives tremendously for the better! =D

 

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For more on unschooling:

Sandra Dodd

Joyfully Rejoycing

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Soul of the Season – ROW80 Goals Update, 10/21/12

 

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It’s been a full-rich few days. We’ve had a beautiful autumn drive into the mountains to visit friends and meet our new semi-feral kittens-to-be, SRindi and Squeak. We’ve had time hanging out in the yard, the kids and I, taking pictures and reveling in this season of transition. We’ve had a day of steady rain, hanging inside and cocooning. We’ve had a thunderstorm. Jim may have found me a car….there’s been hugs and Animal Crossing and snuggles and a few angry moments and disappointments.

And, for me, there has been growth and daring and pondering and swirling, breathtaking possibility.

I’ve taken on some new projects, and I feel a new confidence opening up within me. I am breaking open to free something phoenixlike within myself…

There will be a new project or two popping up here and there, as I explore new horizons and adjust my focus…

I am eager and ready to see what sima garo provides…

Maple leaves in the backyard, October 2012 -edited with Saturation filter, in Picasa

Honoring Myself  (Original goals post)

My goal for this round is to honor myself – my rhythms, energy, needs, truth, dreams, desires, and emotions.

A fundamental part of that is to identify my energy type each day, and summarize what I do. It’s my hope that, throughout the round, patterns will emerge which lead to a more joyful, organic writing flow – one that honors me and allows me to get the most out of my seldom predictable writing time.

My energy levels and poems for the last few days..

  • Wednesday: Slack tide. The children and I went to visit our friends, the Mabees, from whom we will be adopting two semi-feral kittens in the next weeks. This was a lovely drive into the Helderberg Mountains, a little more than an hour from home, and a chance for me to get in more practice with driving a standard transmission vehicle before our trip out of state at the end of the month…I took some pictures, while adults chatted and children played. I was able to get my blogpost and poem finished, but little else due to visiting. – a worthy trade-off.
  • Poem: Firehole River Splash
  • Thursday: Slack tide, with elements of high tide. Moderate hometending. Some lawn mowing in overgrown backyard. Hung out on the grass with the kids and the camera, soaking up fall magic. Answered comments at shanjeniah,as per my schedule. ROW80 sponsor visits, and lovely wanders through other OctPoWriMo poems. Worked on photo editing, and Annalise’s Reporting Blog. Began researching/exploring CreateSpace as I open myself to inspiration and daring.
  • Poem: Oceans of Time
  • Saturday: Slack Tide (evenly distributed between Ebb Tide and High Tide). Moderate hometending, some firewood restocked in house. A little tidying in the playroom/enclosed porch. More WANA Tribe exploration. Worked on Miah’s Reporting Pages and ROW80 update. Cake Mania 2, Animal Crossing, and PBS.
  • Poem: Unfettered Wordplay (Etheree)

Autumnal Splendor….

What’s goin’ on..?

Priority Projects –

I am serving as a sponsor for this round.

I am participating in the OctPo WriMo Challenge throughout October.

I will be participating in NaNoWriMo throughout November, writing at least 50,000 words of another novel in my Truebornseries, King of Infinite Space.

  • I have reread the two notetaking/freewriting sessions I have engaged in so far.
  • I will gather the random notes in Scrivener…I believe I am going to experiment with writing this draft there, rather than moving it from750 Words, which is tedious. That will also leave 750 Words as my freewriting space for other things…
  • I have added more information to my NaNo page…small steps seem to keep my frustration levels low.

I will be answering a rather embarrassing backlog of blog comments that have, in some cases, waited for months.

  • I will be answering comments atshanjeniah on Mondays and Thursdays, as long as that provides the best balance and timing for answering comments.
  • I will post a comment schedule on the blog sidebar within the next days, to announce my commitment, and let those kind enough to take the time to comment know when they can expect a reply.
  • This week’s replies were slightly off-schedule, due to our spending a day away from home, and the ROW80 linky being broken for most of a day.
  • I am now answering comments on my Tiny Buddha guest post.
  • I have completed the comments at this site! WOOHOO!
  • I began addressing the waiting comments on The Unfettered Life, on Saturday, and will do this on an every other day basis until I have caught up.

New Fitness Goals – I will focus on eating something each time I am hungry (and getting protein and magnesium into every other time I eat). I will be active enough that I can always feel my body and muscles. I will add more fruits and vegetables to my diet, and be more attentive to how much water I am drinking.

  • Wednesday –
  • Not the best day to attending to my hunger, but better than it might have been. We spent a good part of the day away from home. My eating and drinking were skewed, and I came home quite hungry. I did not surrender to the desire for a fast-food fix during the one hour plus drive each way.
  • I didn’t do any hometending or exercise per se, but I did drive the Subaru, which has a standard transmission. That is a more active style of driving than I’ve been accustomed to lately.
  • Thursday – I did a better job of attending to and answering hunger and thirst cues. Protein was good; water fair; fruits and vegetables on my radar – I had a few baby carrots, and apple slices, in addition to the cooked veggies and black beans in my dinner.
  • Moderate hometending and some difficult mowing on the backyard. A bit of dancing with Ellen.
  • Friday – I did better on all food fronts. Chomped some carrots and romaine. Drank more water, and made sure I got my protein in.
  • Mellow hometending throughout the day.
  • Saturday – I did moderate housework, and restocked some firewood into the house.
  • I ate a salad and some romaine. Still wanting to up the quotient, and my water intake. It’s a building process; attention is the beginning.

    A pair of beauties.

Short Term or Intermittent Projects:

New Projects:

Complete Logline Lesson reading, draft logline, and submit to class.

  • A week ago, I didn’t know what a logline is, and I am excited to learn, create, and then improve upon my creation. This will help me target my revisions for WIPs, and assist in future works, as well.
  • I read The Curious Case of Carrie’s Characters.
  • I read Critiquing Rob.
  • I brainstormed a logline, and revised it through five drafts .
  • I submitted my logline to the class, and will await input while I continue to mull and turn it over myself, as well.
  • I will also continue with reading and learning from the rest of the links included with the lesson.

Read existing segments, and write my portion of Write A Story With Me!

  • This is a collaborative writing project begun by Jennifer M. Eaton. I received my tag on Sunday, and hope to have it sent along by next Sunday. I will be focusing on it on an every other day basis.
  • I have completed the reading, written and submitted my first segment, and drafted a post for my blog.
  • I need only to publish my post at the appropriate time, and then am free until it comes round to me again if it does – it will go until it reaches a natural ending or people lose interest.

Moving ahead with the Reporting Pages projects for both children..

  • I have completed the text for Annalise’s Arithmeticpage.
  • I had nearly completed Jeremiah’s English Language Usage Page, but have lost the draft. I am therefore beginning again.
  • I will continue adding to the pages on an ongoing basis.
  • My long-range goal, for the rest of this month, is to have enough material for each topic to construct the main body of the report, so that completing the reports does not conflict with my NaNo participation.
  • I am moving forward with this.
  • I have decided to attempt to work on these daily until the initial text for each topic is complete for each child.
  • I will save adding links and images until all the text is done, because those will be easy to add during NaNo, a little at a time. The text won’t be.
  • I will add new items to existing pages on Sundays and Wednesdays. 

Brainstorm and Create Lists for Ebb Tide and High Tide projects.

  • No progress on this for this time period.
  • I seem to have enough to do, without further developing the lists, at this time.
  • I am putting this project on hold until I feel a need for it.

Revise and submit “Claiming My Passions”- WIP submission to the Pittsburgh Flash Fiction Gazette .

  • I have reread this piece, with the view of an interview with myself.
  • I will soon be ready to begin a rewrite, with the new theme, and it may also answer my desire to reflect on this last, most amazing, year in my writing life.

Miah, from below….

What I’ve been reading…and watching!

Lise lovely with grass stained knees and a crazy-loose tooth.

More ROW80 Adventures!

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