Tag Archives: writing freedom

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Y is for Yelling

500 Words On…Yelling.

Yelling was an everyday occurrence, within my family of origin. With four children and two parents who hadn’t learned how to contain or rise above their rage, there seemed to always be some reason to yell at someone.

There were  times when my father went from child to child, asking questions that seemed designed to find us in some wrongdoing he could yell about. If he went through all of us without success, sometimes he would go through the process again – and, eventually, he either found or created a reason to vent whatever frustrations had driven the process.

There is much less yelling here, and what there is is generally short-lived and soon moved past. Nearly all the yelling there is is done by the children – when you are seven, or even ten, life can get too frustrating to take, very quickly, and yelling is a safety valve that prevents an explosion of a far greater magnitude.

I do the best I am able not to take the yelling personally – getting reactive and yelling back never helps, and usually makes things far worse, and it hurts my head, throat, and soul, besides.

Besides, it isn’t personal.  It’s just a young person, still relatively inexperienced at life and conflict, who is dealing with more than he or she can handle. The anger or hurt or frustration pour out, and sometimes the words that get used are hurtful – not because the child truly hates me, or their life, but because that is how they feel in this moment in time, and that feeling is too intense to allow them to realize, just then, that there will be love, peace, and joy again – and that they might only be moments away.

I’ve realized, over the last year or so, that, when I can remain in a place of love and calmness, neither feeding or ignoring the emotional chaos, but instead letting it pass through me like a stone through a deep still pool, it’s sometimes enough to help calm the tempestuous energies of the child, as well.

It’s a quiet way to say that I feel their emotional discord, and I still accept them. If the yelling was directed at me, I might say, softly but firmly, “I didn’t deserve that.”

And then, I go about my business, which seems to reassure both children that things are going to be all right – that they might be better than they thought.

Usually, the yelling child will take themselves to their room, to fling themselves on their bed.  Often, fatigue was the impetus for the yelling, and the child will be asleep within moments, to wake up happy and better-rested.

Other times, they will settle, and find a diversion. Miah might turn to a book, his 3DS, for games or a show on Netflix; Lise likes books, Littlest Pet Shop characters, and caring for her stuffed animals.

Jeremiah, Annalise, and I, after touring the Mayflower II in sweltering July heat. Plymouth, MA, 2010.

I don’t handle every episode as well as I might, but I keep learning, and each success grows the peace in our home.

Sometimes, I still yell – my ability to control myself is not yet as all-encompassing as I would like it to be.

I no longer excuse myself, not blame myself,  for that.

Instead, I keep learning, and healing – because I prefer loving, trusting peaceful life, and yelling isn’t a means to that end. =)

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S is for Self-Awareness

500 Words On….Self-Awareness.

I wonder, sometimes, if there is a bottom – or, maybe, a core –  to me, or anyone. That might be more apt.

I keep reaching more deeply into myself, unraveling the mystery threads that have been woven into the fabric of my life and my psyche.

And, the further and deeper I go, the more I find, and the deeper the depths I sense, stretching into places so deep that they  seem as though they  aren’t within me, but instead are the stuff of the universe….the echoes, maybe, of the star stuff that makes up everything in our world.

I like thinking that I am made of star stuff, that we are all universal and interwoven with each other.

Or, as my friend Tanya said today, there is even a certain harmony in our disharmonies, in the times and ways that we simply cannot get along with one another.

I am always what I live, in one sense or another, and I change according to what I experience in every moment, and how I process those happenings.

And yet, self-awareness tends to be seen as something people have, in the same way that some people think that happiness and peace are commodities.

The more deeply I go, learning myself, the more certain I am that I will never get to the deepest parts of me, because, as I learn myself, I am still living and growing and changing.

I am always changing – even when it seems that everything in my life is static and unchanging…..in those time, when I drift or rush through my life in a kind of trance of unfeeling or to-do lists and obligations and schedules.

I think that, in those times, I am building  a thicker and thicker shell around myself, and reducing the amount of space  my soul  exists in.

When I  live this way for too long, maybe it becomes nearly impossible for anyone – even me – to find a way though it to the flow of life and self that is still there, somewhere, deep inside, choked and nearly rescued to a trickle…..

We are all interwoven, and a choked-off flow in any of us affects us all.

If the choked off places are within me, I can move along the threads until I find the place that is twisted and tangled, and begin, carefully and tenderly, to learn the shape and contours of the knot, to test the strength of the thread, and to figure out whether to weave back through the flawed place, eventually setting it to rights; whether it would be better to cut the offending place out, and repair the rupture with a patch I may weave more tightly over time; or whether there is nothing to be done but to live with a snag in my soul, because, at least for now, there is nothing else I can do, but to be aware of it and wary of causing it further danger.

What do you do about the snags in your own soul? Are you aware of them? Have you effected repairs? If so, how well did it work, or is it an ongoing process?

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R is for Resistance

500 Words On….Resistance.

Resistance is futile. You WILL be assimilated.

So goes the threat, warning, or merely informational greeting (depending on your viewpoint upon hearing it, I suppose) of the Borg.

The Borg have no sense of humor, and they don’t bluff. If they say you will be assimilated – well, it’ll take a lot of fight to prove them wrong.

I’ve been known to be pretty good at resisting. I think that can be said of most of us who are looked upon by others, and maybe even ourselves, as stubborn.

It can be a good thing, to resist, if I am resisting an impulse that leads to harm for someone.

Other times, though, resistance is not only futile, but actually self-destructive.

Some things simply are, and cannot be changed. As much as I wish it might be otherwise, Elijah died. As much as I might wish it to be otherwise, Jim was involved in a serious, life-threatening motorcycle accident a little less than two months ago, and, whether I or he or anyone else resists it, the lingering repercussions will be a part of our lives for quite some time to come.

As much as I might wish it to be otherwise, I cannot have peaceable relationships with certain of my family members, despite having spent the maority of my life resisting that knowledge – knowledge that I suspected long before I allowed myself to fully and consciously accept the fact of it.

Until then, I resisted. I capitulated. I apologized for wrongs I did not feel I had committed, accepted the responsibility of atoning for crimes that were of far lesser magnitude than those they  inflicted upon me. I allowed those who disregarded my well-being, who hurt me intentionally as a way to feel better about themselves or to punish me, do so with impunity.

More than once, I returned to the strongholds (in our family, the homes) of those who had physically, emotionally, and verbally abused me.

Once there, I watched my every step, every word, every action, knowing without doubt that I was being constantly watched and assessed. Those who assessed might appear sweet and friendly, or aloof and disinterested, or anywhere in between.

But I knew that, if their moods shifted, there would be another attack.

And still, I resisted, acquiesced, tried to get along despite knowing that, sooner or later, there would be rage, pain, and suffering. I resisted because I needed to be loved just for myself, as myself, even when I screwed up.

Always, I believed that I was somehow to blame for the rage and ugliness of those moments – until the day that two of my siblings spent 18 hours in a torrent of ugly and sometimes slanderous comments on my Facebook wall, because I had posted a general comment that they took objection too.

I had been away from my computer for the first 12 hours or so, and had contributed nothing, and yet the attacks went on and on….

From that point, I began to release my resistance. The thing is, when something is not right in my world, energy will be required to set things right. If I give some of my energy to resisting the facts, I have thrown that energy away, making the problem larger.

Resistance is futile.

I’ve stopped resisting the family dynamic – nor do I tolerate abuse. I simply accept each family member as they are – and avoid any private interactions with those who may become abusive.

Not perfect, maybe – but far more peaceful than resisting truth.  I have been assimilated, and that is healing.

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“Watersdeep’s Edge” – A Storyteller’s Writing Challenge

The Storyteller Writing Challenge

Are you a Storyteller? What inspires you?
What stirs you to pick up your pen, open your word doc. and write?

I offer TWO prompts for you to CHOOSE from:

 An Image prompt and an Other prompt. 

1. THE Image PROMPT:

Source within the picture.
For this weeks image prompt, tell us what is evoked by this image.
Where is it? What story tumbles from your imagination?
What is she doing? Who is she?

You decide.
—————————————–

“Watersdeep’s Edge” - copyright 2012 by Shan Jeniah Burton

The stench of the pyres – for her son, her sire, and so many beloved others, caused her to retch each time she was minded of them, seared her each moment she left herself unguarded.

They twisted into the burning of her chosen Solemate, lost now to her, somewhere in the vastness of Everdeep.

To him, now, she was only madness…

She was stirring the huge stewpot, in Osiraan’s greatroom, bursting with a jumbled mass of Tribed and untribed, – so many faces blank, such a stench of burning and pain.

Shinjao took the ladle from her hand, and added stew to the handful of herbs in a wooden bowl. .

“Eat, Huntleader.”

She shook her head, trying to hide the dizziness. “Others have greater need.”

“You are three days past birthing, Huntleader. You ARE Huntleader, and Kai, and needed. If you don’t eat, I will sit on you and force you.”

She offered the bowl, but Jeniah didn’t move.

Shinjao drove her down and away from the cookfire – thick furs beneath her; Shinjao’s weight above. The spoon forced past her lips,and she spluttered, then swallowed.

The stew was laced with arytana nectar, and piqued her hunger. She allowed Shinjao to feed her, taking the spoon greedily, and the other woman chuckled. “You are a fine Huntress. There is more than enough. Of stew, time, support, and sleep….”

The words were like new fog. “Sleep?” She recognized the subtler taste of nightbalm, and knew she had been fooled….”No – the fires….”

“Will be there until you find healing. Sleep, dream – and begin to heal.”

~~She was standing on a rocky promontory, waves reaching almost to her shod toes. The seabirds cried raucously, tossed and wheeling in the stiff wind.

 

The reeky,  fertile scent of Watersdeep filled her nostrils, scrubbing away the char of death…

 

She was in garb more useless than any Mother would have demanded she wear, even when she most wanted to impress her Court. One of those new contrivances meant to keep rain off was in her right hand….and, in her left, the cast iron keys to the Kai’s Courtyard- Hallii’s killing grounds.

 

Grief constricted her soul; tighter than the laces that entrapped breath. She was apart from all of life, bereft. Liacivaar dead; Tacivaar – so many others.

 

All pointless… the damage Kaitiiraan and Tacivaar had birthed.

 

What profit had it been? Mother had poisoned her, and lost her throat…. Jeniah could still taste her blood, curdling, and she retched, gasping for what air she could draw into her compressed lungs.

 

Her breasts throbbed, and her milk let down suddenly, soaking the bodice of the dress, meant for the child who would never suckle. Her womb clenched, its emptiness tearing into her soul.

 

Tacivaar  had asked, cajoled, manipulated, and finally forced her to conceive his Truestborn.

 

It had taken longer for the old Huntleader’s machinations to kill him, but they had, as surely as Mother’s.

 

And my child, too – “Liacivaar,” she cried, to Everdeep, to Watersdeep…..

 

She yearned for her child, for her Chosen.

 

The wind whipped the long, spray-damped skirts; hobbled her legs.

 

All gone – freedom, Huntleader, child, sire, lover – all gone with nothing left but duty she hadn’t chosen, and did not want.

 

She felt something welling up from her depths, and she did nothing to stop its coming. “Sima garo provides…”

 

The screaming arched her back, drew her tight against the bones and lacings. She set her legs wide despite the layers of sodden cloth and ill-suited shoes. The seabirds cried answer.

 

Huntlust broke loose, and her arms swung out. The keys vanished beneath the breaking waves; the umbrella bobbed wildly, attracting the birds.

 

She clawed and tore away the clothing, until she stood naked on the wet rock, at last only herself, and nothing other.

 

And then she dove, sobbing, into the sea, letting the salty waters close over her.~~

“You will be fine, now, sisterkin,” Shinjao whispered, as she crawled into the furs to stroke Niah’s quaking back. “You have found your tears, and can cleanse now for healing.”

OR

2.THE Other PROMPT

TIMED WORD ASSOCIATION: Heat, Car, Longing.
Write whatever springs to mind from these three words, in 3 minutes:
No cheating or editing! Lets see what happens.
—————————————–

We are parked at the drive-in, a movie neither of us wanted to see, at least not really, blurred through the heat-fogged car windows.

Heedless of nothing but longing, not even the treacherous gear-shift, we do not realize we’ve dislodged the  shifter –  until we hit the police car parked behind us…..and we’re still tangled in our clothes as he approaches, his light a neon sign of our shame –  and then my elbow hits the car alarm button on my keys, as though to seal the legendary nature of our dalliance.

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“Life Blooms; I ROW” – Goals Update #4

A busy day today. Up after not really as much sleep as I wanted, to get ready for co-op. Jim got a ride to work, so the kids and I headed to Hannaford and bought the supplies for the flarp we planned to make.

We got to co-op early, and there was a group of church children doing an activity in the room our tweens usually play in. So it was an unusual day, at least for a while.

The project went well…..a bit of chaos, and a bit of panic because the food coloring stained the counters of the church kitchen (thankfully, a good scrub with a little bit of borax on a scrubby sponge fixed that problem.

Making flarp with our Live and Learn Co-op gang!

It was a pretty day, a little unsettled, but the filtered light was good for making the colors of the flowers really pop, and so I got pictures of those.

I had a walk with Jeremiah (a tradition of ours), and another with Annalise and her friend Gabrielle (who was wearing roller skates). The kids had Shield Battles, Simon Says, and a girls vs. boys romp through the church and grounds.

Annalise and friends Gabrielle, Aleia, and Alana create flarp art.

There was ball play, and flirting, and then we came home, and both kids fell almost instantly asleep,. until I needed to wake them to go get Jim, because, at the moment, we are car-sharing, and we were his ride home. ~excerpt from Thursday’s 750words post ~

 Oh, and an invitation to Gabrielle’s seventh birthday party on Saturday…

Flarp fun with Jeremiah, Logan, Nolan, and John!

Where there was a bounce house, marshmallow shooters to make, necklaces and bracelets to bead, delicious foods to sample (Miah loved the veggie sticks, I loved the rice noodle dish, and Lise was crazy over the watermelon).There was a tire swing and a gazebo “shrine”, and the company of good friends, a house filled with interesting things,  and cake and ice cream and presents and love and laughter, and hiding out together, and snuggling, and many varieties of play, and computers and Netflixfor those who wanted them…

Springtime tulips....A welcome splash of color on a cloudy day.

And mostly lovely weather that had only a little, much needed rain…

A busy second half of the week, and, fitting into the spaces around those hours were other parts of living –  home and yardtending; snuggles, hugs, and play; lots of conversation; some stress and conflict and hurt feelings; tending to myself and my family; and shifting to the rhythms of a busier season.

More lovelies!

And there was reading, and writing, and claiming my dreams.

Round 2 Goals:

Reading:

  • Read at least 3 articles a week from my To Be Read files on computer, and categorize those I choose to keep or share.
  • Completed for 4/11.
  • Read at least 5 blogposts a week (not including my own), and like, comment, and/or share as I am moved to.
  • Completed for 4/11.
  • I read K is for Transplant, and was deeply moved to comment.

M'boy!

Writing:

  • Create flash fiction, short stories, dialogues, character sketches, alternate scenes, and poetry for  Chameleon’s Dish.  Wander cow trails, and learn these people and their lives more fully.
  • I have had an idea of what may be a far better prologue for my story, and one that will foreshadow some of the important conflicts.
  • I am letting this idea simmer for a while, to dream on and play with, until I can’t wait another moment to write it, and then I will begin!
  • Pull material from 750 words posts not part of the Chameleon’s Dish first draft.
  • I have separated the June 9, 2011 post into one snippet and a complete essay, perhaps needing minimal editing.
  • Create essays, stories, and other pieces based upon these writings.
  • I have reread and done a rough edit of the first original essay pulled from this area.  It seems to need a few additional paragraphs, and some polishing.
  • In the meantime, I will decide whether I want to post it on my blog or look for a market to submit it to.
  • Find all chapters of Blood and Breath.  Input into Scrivener; possibly begin rewrite.
  • I have input Chapter One into Scrivener.
  • Next up is creating a story arc for the rest of the novel, and playing with characters and settings.
  • Finish father-in-law letter and send.
  • I am still allowing ideas to surface and be written out via my A to Z posts.
  • There seems to have been a reason I chose some of the topics, although I wasn’t aware of it at the time.

Gabrielle and Annalise enjoy birthday tire swing fun at Gabrielles's house.

Blogging:

  • Complete the Blogging From A to Z April Challenge.
  • I have written the rough drafts of my posts up to letter V, leaving 5 to write.
  • I have edited, embellished, and scheduled up to P is for Playfulness, leaving 10 posts to complete before meeting the challenge.
  • Create a “flow chart” for posting to shanjeniah and The Unfettered Life.  Use these, and adapt as necessary, throughout the round (with allowances made in April for the challenge).
  • I have posted both flow charts, and will begin easing into using them as I finish  the A to Z writing.
  • My goal remains to be using both flow charts by May 1.

Naomi and siblings Carson and Olivia model for me.

Networking:

  •  Explore She Writes; Twitter: StoryDam; Pinterest;and LinkedIn .  Use, develop, evaluate, adjust.
  • Am beginning to add connections and get braver in posting to LinkedIn, even posting my first link on Thursday.
  • I have pinned a couple of items on Pinterest, to test the Chrome extension I installed last week. Added a new board, Time Images.
  • I joined the Story Dam Facebook Page.  I’ve peeked around a little bit, and will be learning more, and likely interacting more, on future visits.
  • Continue joining hops, fests, challenges, and other community blogging efforts.
  • I have looked at Shah Wharton’s latest Storyteller Writing Challenge.
  • I will let the words and image seep into my awareness for a day or three, then write.  I know I only need to do one, but both tempt me.  I’m a glutton for storytelling, I guess! =)

Jeremiah loves exploring the principles of physics - anytime, anywhere.

  • Comment on and share blogs regularly; share my blogs as widely as seems feasible, and in diverse ways.
  • I realized I haven’t been posting my A to Z posts on the Row80 Facebook page, so will be posting 2-3 there each day until I catch up.
  • So far, I have shared posts up to F is for Food there.
  • I am reading ROW80 update blogs and A to Z  blogs, as I can manage them.  There will be considerably more blog reading once I have finished my fourth book (in progress) of the month, and/or I get all of the A to Z posts written (I am up to V, at the moment).
  • I am mustering my bravery to begin posting links to my writing at the Story Dam Facebook Page and She Writes sites.  Soon, I think!

Marshmallow shooter making!

  • Do 3 guest posts and  host 3 guest bloggers this round.
  • I have posted a note to the ROW80 Facebook Page, seeking guest slots and guest bloggers.
  • If that doesn’t pan out in a day or so, I will write a separate blogpost with my request, and widen it to include The Unfettered Life, which would be an ideal place for fellow unschoolers to guest post.
  • I now have three guest posters……next up, working out schedules! =)
Submitting:

  •  Submit at least 10 pieces of flash fiction or poetry this round.
  • I am currently  pondering which pieces of flash fiction and poetry  I will submit to the Pittsburgh Flash Fiction Gazette.  They accept previously published work, one piece at a time.
  • Submit at least 5 essays or lists this round.
  • I am allowing the thoughts to coalesce for my Anything Goes submission on becoming/being a blogger.
  • Continue submitting to hops, challenges, fests, etc.; at least 3 each month.
  • I have submitted once to The Storyteller’s Writing Challenge.
  • I am contemplating posting there again this week, and also to Chuck Wendig‘s Terrible Minds Flash Fiction Challenge.

Those bouncing young Burtons....

Photography:

  •  Organize all photos on hard drive; move to organized Picasa web albums or delete.
  • I deleted all redundant photos in my download file, after assuring I had a copy of them in my Picasa Web Albums.

Marketing:

  • Add useful articles to my shanjeniah Marketing Articles page.
  • I added two links to this page, with brief descriptions of both.  The first was on Book Promotion; and the second on creating a Rough Sketch of a WIP, which I believe will be useful later, when I create pages or blogs for my  WIPs.
  • Use this information to help define my direction; adjust as needed.
  • I am letting the ideas from the articles I read seep into my awareness.

Birthday cake!

Learning:

  •  Get Scrivener  downloaded; begin learning by inputting first an essay, and then Blood and Breath.
  • I have input all the available chapters of Blood and Breath into Scrivener, and will next be creating a story arc for mapping out the action in the missing chapters.
  • Use Twitter and Tweetdeck at least one day a week.  Learn more.
  • I am replacing Tweetdeck with HootSuite, which is much more to my liking.
  • Future goals updates will reflect the change.
  • I am running Hootsuite today (Sunday) -  a very, very quiet day thus far…
  • For WordPress, create a running list of questions; work on finding answers!
  • I have created a rough list of questions to start with; next will come the learning the answers part, and, of course, more questions!

Yumminess!

  • Begin learning about how to publish ebooks.
  • I have begun reading here.  There is a lot to absorb, so I will be reading in stages.
  • Begin research list/research for  Chameleon’s Dish second draft.
  • I now have the beginnings of a research list. Next step is to look through the links I browsed in the rough draft writing more carefully, and gather them in a central and more accessible location.
Organizing:

  •  Edit all 2009 posts on  The Unfettered Life.  Consider layout and design changes.
  • Both children have been asking for some of my online space to share what they want.  Since The Unfettered Life is intended to be an unschooling/life blog, I am going to begin by creating a page for each of their  creations, and help them to add to them as they wish.
  • This is likely to necessitate a change in layout, which I had been toying with, in any event…
  • Input Blood and Breath and Chameleon’s Dish to Scrivener.
  • The existing chapters of Blood and Breath have been added.
  • Next, I will begin gathering and rereading the chapters of Chameleon’s Dish.  These are all in my possession, but not yet gathered in one place.
  • Clean up computer downloads, documents, photos, and other clutter – move it or lose it!
  • I cleared a number of redundant photos from my Downloads file.

Lovely bits of Gabrielle's home...

Self-care:

  • Add JOY to every day!
  • Thursday: Attended Live and Learn Homeschool Co-op.  Organized and orchestrated group Flarp making activity.  Lots of social  connection with like-minded moms and kids.  Photographed children and spring flowers.  A bit of reading and writing. One-on-one time with both children.
  • Friday: Recovery day from Thursday.  Reading, writing, uploading and editing photos.  Coffee in bed with Jim.  One-on-one  time with both kids.  Home and yard tending.  Worked in my new space.
  • Saturday: Very busy day! Friend Gabrielle’s seventh birthday.  Attended her party; lots more unschooly socialization with moms and children we love, and some dads, too.  Watching Lise and Miah enjoy tire swing and bounce house and time with friends.  On-on-one time with both kids.  Beaded a necklace.  Took a lot of pictures. A bit of work in my space.
  • Sunday: Coffee in bed with Jim.

More tire swing fun!

  • Add movement to every day, too!
  • Thursday: Shopping.  Lots of movement at co-op.  Walks with both children, orchestrating activity,  and cleanup (we rent space in a local church, and so must tidy and put things to rights before we leave if we want to remain welcome tenants (which we do; the space is perfect for our needs – we even have access to a large kitchen and yard).
  • Friday: Half an hour each raking and working in my new space.  45 minutes of hometending.
  • Saturday: Birthday gift shopping.  Lots of walking, swing-pushing, and similar activity at party.  Helped with cleanup.  Worked a bit in my new space.
  • Sunday: One hour hometending.  35 minutes yardtending – raking (nearly done!); dog waste removal, and yard cleanup.  35 minutes working in my space – it’s coming along, and I plan to post progress pictures on Wednesday.
  • Add self-decorating to every week!
  • I decorated myself with a necklace and headband on Thursday.
  • I wore the necklace I beaded on Saturday until bedtime.
  • Add more of my passions to each day, in as many ways as I can manage.
  • Thursday: Social time with like-minded people of varying ages.  Photography – children and flowers in bloom.   Writing. Planning and orchestrating an activity. Time with both kids.
  • Friday: Home and yardtending. Reading and writing. Working in my space.  Editing photos.  Coffee with Jim. Time with both kids.
  • Saturday: More social time.  Celebrating.  Photographing children and decor.  Beading.   A little working in my space. Time with both kids.
  • Sunday: Yard and hometending.  Working in my space.  Reading and writing.  Editing photos.  Goals update.  Coffee with Jim: snuggles with both kids.

Girl eats Dandelion, #1

  • Add all these for my beloved others, too!
  • Jim: Coffee and conversation.  Flirting.  Being on time or early when picking him up from work.  Home, yard, and childtending.
  • Annalise: Snuggles.  Sharing in her imaginative play.  Helping her with reading and spelling. Conversation.  Arranging to go to Gabrielle’s party, and giving her the freedom to choose the gift.  New Littlest Pet Shop friends.  Pushing her on the tire swing.  Bringing beading supplies home so she can bead when she wants.
  • Jeremiah: Snuggles.  A soda while out shopping.  Answered his questions about driving.  Conversation.  Hanging with him at the party when he wanted me nearby.  Beading together.  Helped facilitate his cooking.  Honored his sleep patterns, which are currently a bit out of sync with everyone else’s.

Girl decides dandelion is not for her!

I am loving this writing. I am making myself a happy, peaceful place in which to focus my writing energies, and less removed from the life of the rest of the family. I can be nearby, even carry on conversations with the children, but still have a measure of privacy and room to myself.~ Excerpt from Friday’s 750 words~

I am so glad I realized I needed a writing space, and that there was this little tucked-away corner of the house just collecting debris……

had no idea I was going to write a flash fiction piece for this one. I couldn’t find a way to begin an essay on vision; maybe I’m not quite ready for that.

Everything I wrote felt like lecturing.

So I deleted, and it occurred to me that what I was meant to write about was Henry and Nockatee.

And that is what I did.

Every time I write one of these little pieces, I connect more fully with the characters, and in a more visceral sense.

Maybe it’s because so much needs to be accomplished in a very small space. Maybe it’s because I’m not trying to create an entire novel, just to create a vignette.

It occurs to me that doing a slew of these BEFORE starting a novel would give me a much better sense of the characters and their interactions and motivations.

OOOH! I want to do some of these as the basis for each scene in Blood and Breath’s missing chapters…

If each scene is an embellishment of a flash fiction story, there will always be a degree of conflict and resolution, and probably tautness, too!

~excerpt from Sunday’s 750 words~

 And now, for five more fans…please, step forward, and take a bow!
 
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N is for Names

500 Words On….Names.

A baby girl named Shannon Danielle...long, long ago.

Humans are the only animals who  feel a need to name things. All things. All ideas,  all colors, shapes, moods, and weather.

It’s as though we feel, as a species, that if we name something, we own it, or at least can control it.

We all use names on a near-constant basis. They seem to be in every thought.

But do we really take time to think about the names we assign to things, and what ideas and assumptions we get from those names; the associations they make for us?

This little girl still liked her name, and goats, too. =)

My parents named me, nearly 43 years ago. It was an unusual name, at the time: Shannon Danielle.

I enjoyed my name, when I was small. I knew that I had been named for a river in Ireland (one of my father’s favorite places from his Navy days), and for my severely  disabled Uncle Danny, who lived in an institution (and whom I would not meet until I was a teenager).

I thought it was a fine and distinctive name, although my parents seldom called me by it.

So Shannon became my school name. At home, I was Dee – and an endless stream of often-insulting nicknames my mother delighted in giving me…..one of the nicer ones of these was “Physical Wreck”.

Shannon, in choir, age 16.

It was almost as though I had two selves, and lived two lives.

In both of them, I was bullied and ridiculed.  In both of them, I thought that somehow I must deserve it.

I thought that for many years – well into my 30s.

Even when my eyes opened to the realities of my childhood, it was several more years before I could move beyond the phrase, “There were abusive incidents in my childhood, but I was not abused.”

...And Dee, age 19 or so.

And a few more still, before I realized that I was still holding on to that childhood, still allowing my parents (and an emotionally abusive sibling, as well) to hold a certain power over me.

I was still, in too many ways, a victim. Just as I had been at 19, when I came home after curfew (I had been in the emergency room with a friend after a night of particularly bad judgment on both our parts). My mother dragged me into the house, I think by a handful of my shirt, and then got a double handful of my hair and forced me backward down the hall and into my bedroom doorway, where there was a wall. Once I could go no further, she spent what seemed an eternity yelling in my face and hitting me in the face, head, shoulders, and upper chest.

Time to break free.....and searching for a name of my own.

It never occurred to me, then, that I was an adult, and that this was unprovoked assault. I had been powerless my whole life, and this was not by far the first violent incident in my life, from either of my parents. It never occurred to fight back: I was careful, even , of how I tried to protect myself, because experience had long since taught me that it might be interpreted as aggression against a parent. a felony in our home.

After some time, I realized that, to reclaim my own life and the power in it, I needed to shed the victim mentality. And, to do that, I would also need to shed my name….

Just call me Shan.......Shan Jeniah is MY name.

Some time and thought and feeling later, I renamed myself Shan Jeniah - a snappier form of my given name, and one borrowed from my alter-ego heroine, who will defend herself fiercely, capably, and without delay, when there is a need.

I like it much better this way!

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L is for Learning

500 words on… Learning

My daughter, not quite 8, is learning to read.

That perhaps doesn’t seem strange, although some might say that she’s on the older side for this, and is she getting remedial help?

The answer to that is that she is exactly the right age to learn, and has the ability to grasp reading – NOW.

How do I know this?

Because no one has taught or attempted to teach her to read.

She lives in a house filled with books (tonight, the children found a treasure trove – a large, heavy duty plastic bin that was overflowing with more books than could fit on our bookshelves).

She lives in a family of readers, who read  every day, for information and pleasure.

It is an often overlooked fact that children’s eyes can take until age 8 or so to develop the fine motor and focusing control necessary for the constant tiny shifts needed to follow a line of print across a page or a screen.

In schools, children who read at the age Annalise is learning are often labled “special needs” and placed in remedial classes.

They are getting the clear message that their best efforts aren’t enough, that there is something wrong with them.  They are learning to regard reading as complicated and hard, and maybe even to hate it.

Here, at home, none of that has been a part of Annalise’s life. She has been chafing to read for most of her life (she has a slightly younger dear friend who learned in toddlerhood, and she was immediately convinced that if he could, she ought to be able to, as well).

We talked often about different abilities emerging at different times, and that, just as she herself spoke early and fluently, and has a rich and complex vocabulary at her ready disposal, this friend has a rare ability for reading.

But she wanted fiercely to read.

And, over the last two years or so, she has begun, more and more, to read. Road signs. Words in her games, and in books, and on displays. Boxes and TV ads and things written out for her.

A few months ago, there was a leap. As a tooth was dangling in her mouth, through the uncertain terror very loose teeth cause her, she read aloud from the bindings on my bookshelf.

I bought her a game of Scribblenauts for her 3DS, and spelled many many words at her request..

Recently, she came to me and spelled aloud some words she’s learned: shovel, horse, others I forget at this moment.

Still, she wants to pick up any one of her books and read it – and her tastes run to chapters and nonfiction animal books by Usborne and DK EyeWitness.

Yesterday, there was a breakthrough. She came to me and read two pages of Hansel and Gretel. She did not even pause before she read ‘distance’.

Today, when the book bin was discovered tucked beneath a table, she read. She read Mrs. Wishy -Washy (one of Miah’s first books. too). She read Gallop.  A few months ago, she read me The Foot Book.

She is so happy with this new skill.

And me? I am more aware than ever that children do not need to be taught to learn.

They  need some exposure, and time, and help when they ask for it, and many ways to approach their goal, and for those around them to stay a little back and away, and let the learning belong to the child -

On their own schedule, and for their own reasons.

And they will learn.

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“On the ROW Tour” – Goals Update #2

Usually, I have a mini-essay to place in this space, but this time, I’m going to do something different, and just post a bit of one of my 750word rambles through my own mind…a  self-guided tour, if you will…..

~~This really feels good. I could see it as a daunting list, if I wanted to value myself by the list.

I am preferring to look at it more as a tour guide. Something that will help lead me along the path I have chosen, giving me options regarding the direction and sights I will explore along the way…..and thatallows me to backtrack, take an alternate route, stop and linger, and still to have the freedom of moving and vistas that truly draw me….

Aha!

I’ve been trying to find a graceful way of including my collection of new followers in a blog post…I think I have it…they’re along with me for the adventure, but the purpose is to delight in their adventures, just as I intend to……

So I will be their guide, but never their director. I invite them along, and am truly glad to have them along to share in the adventure with me.

Crunch time….I am about to lose my win streak if I can’t write a lot of words, and pretty damned quickly.

I say I don’t like writing this way, but, in a sense, I think I really do…….there is a tension and censor turning off…as I just delete and correct- ha!

But it does put me in another space, one where whatever is at the top of my head pours out of me…..a nice garbage and roses dump…..

Ah, things are moving along nicely. I don’t want to lose a 64 day streak, and the time is running out….five minutes left t type, and a bit over 200 words to write.

Can I do it?

Well, there were four more….and there were five more!

Yeah, sometimes, it’s desperation, just putting down any words at all to reach that goal….

Why?

No one is making me, after all. The police will not be knocking on my door tonight (at least I hope that they won’t).

I do it because I want to. That’s it, the whole entire reason. I want to challenge myself, aand I want to then meet that challenge.

The type of thing people can do when they aren’t overloaded, overburdened, living too much in the to-do list and not enough from their passions…

Because I have freedom, I can make this goal, and strive to attain it, even when it’s a bit stressful to do so. But I won’t make it tonight……..ah well. Such is life.

 ~~

Here are my goals, arranged in categories for this round: Reading:

  • Read at least 5 blogposts a week (not including my own), and like, comment, and/or share as I am moved to.
  • Done at4/4 check-in.
  • I read several more posts, commented to most, and, in some cases, shared.  I will list them toward the end of the post.
Writing:

  • Find all chapters of Blood and Breath.  Input into Scrivener; possibly begin rewrite.
  • Searched our old dinosaur of a desktop, used mostly by the kids to play games too old to play on our newer machines.  I found a treasure trove of chapters –  from two other works in progress.
  • No Blood and Breath….so now I will be looking for ways to extricate the info from the external hard drive, unless Eden Mabee happens to have chapters, which she may.
  • On the plus side, I now have two “new” WIP‘s  to work into future ROWs…..
  • Finish father-in-law letter and send. 
  • I have spent more time considering this.  Nothing written down yet, but I think I have a tone in mind, and also how to phrase why I object to the way he approached his concerns.
Blogging:

  • Complete the Blogging From A to Z April Challenge.
  • I have written a rough draft of L is for Learning, M is for Money,  N is for Names, and O is for Openness.
  • I have edited and scheduled I is for Intuition, J is for Jeremiah, K is for Knowledge, and .
  • Create a “flow chart” for posting to shanjeniah and The Unfettered Life.  Use these, and adapt as necessary, throughout the round (with allowances made in April for the challenge).
  • Flow chart for shanjeniah has been completed and posted.
  • Add pages/ edit sidebar layout on shanjeniah.
  • Following the example of KM Huber and adapting it to my own needs, I created a page for challenge goals, schedules, and my current flow chart.
  • This will make it easier for my to create my posts, and also for others to see the framework of my writing activity, if they choose to.
 Networking:

  •  Explore She Writes; Twitter: StoryDam; Pinterest; and LinkedIn .  Use, develop, evaluate, adjust.
  • Have begun learning more about Twitter through HootSuite, which works more intuitively for me, and is far more inclusive and flexible than TweetDeck.
  • I used HootSuite to join in on an hour long StoryDam Twitter chat.  I enjoyed it, and next will be checking out their Facebook Group.
  • Continue joining hops, fests, challenges, and other community blogging efforts.
  • I have continued to post my Blogging From A to Z April Challenge posts through the first week.
  • Comment on and share blogs regularly; share my blogs as widely as seems feasible, and in diverse ways.
  • I have been commenting, and have plans to begin sharing posts through StoryDam and She Writes within the next weeks.
Submitting:
  • Submit at least 5 essays or lists this round.
  • I have been invited to submit a 200-700 word essay on becoming/being a blogger to the Pittsburgh Flash Fiction Gazette.  If accepted, this will be a paid ($5.00) essay, and my first since joining ROW80.
  • Continue submitting to hops, challenges, fests, etc.; at least 3 each month.
Learning:

  • Use Twitter and Tweetdeck at least one day a week.  Learn more.
  • I’ve learned enough to exchange Tweetdeck for HootSuite, for the reasons I listed above.
  • I  streamed my Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, and WordPress accounts to HootSuite on Thursday evening.  I enjoyed freeing myself from the constant lure of Facebook, and turned HootSuite on when I went online today.  It may become a daily tool.
Organizing:

  • Take clips from first Penzu notebook.
  • Began by clipping relevant parts of first post, moving them to my word processing program, then deleting it from my Penzu Jourmal to avoid confusion.
  • Second post to word processor, and deleted from Penzu.
Self-care:
  • Add JOY to every day!
  • Wednesday – Cleaning up with the kids, snuggles, being outside with Annalise.
  • Thursday- Morning coffee with Jim; hometending; chatting with writers at StoryDam; treating myself to HootSuite upgrade.
  • Friday - Snuggles with both kids, tickles with Miah, Madeline with Lise, hometending while embracing the always-shifting chaos.
  • Saturday - Took kids shopping at*8Target**.  Parked in last spot at side of building so we could walk.  I enjoyed the trip and their joy in their new possessions.
  • Suggested to Annalise that she might like to offer a sheet of stickers to a little girl who was having a difficult interaction with her mom in the checkout line, and that shifted both of their energies to a happier place, which brought me joy.
  • Add movement to every day, too! (it’s a tired week, so not LOTS of moving, but a couple of hours a day spent in hometending/yardtending sprints of purposeful work).
  • Wednesday – Hometending and yardtending.
  • Thursday - Hometending and yardtending.
  • Friday – Hometending.
  • Saturday -Took kids shopping at Target.  Parked in last spot at side of building so we could walk.  Loading and unloading the car, and minor hometending.
  • Add self-decorating to every week!
  • A small, symbolic beginning.  Cleaned my top dresser drawer Thursday, and found two sheer and lovely scarves I had forgotten about.  At about 10pm Friday night, I wrapped one around my waist as an impromptu belt, and I then held myself straighter, more aware of my posture.
  • Add more of my passions to each day, in as many ways as I can manage.
  • Reading and writing every day.
  • Happy moments with both children over the last few days; together and individually.
  • I have realized that everyone else in the family has a space in the house to call their own – except for me.
  • We have a “room” created from bolting three large bookcases together, with two facing into the space, and the third, facing into the living room proper.  It had been set up as a hobby space of sorts, but tends not to get used.
  • I have decided to claim this space for a study – type area.The family agrees that this is fair, and, over the next months, I will be playing with tidying up and arranging my new space. =)
  • Add all these for my beloved others, too!
  • Annalise - Read 2 Madeline, helped with watercolor studio, snuggles, “mini-monk” made to order,  watched Weird True, and Freaky with her. Shopping trip on Saturday: candy, sneakers, cute socks, stuffed bunny, and assorted trinkets.
  • Jim - Doing without the car Wednesday through Friday, so that he could have the car (he doesn’t like sharing, because he often ends up waiting at work).  Being on time to pick him up Saturday.  Kissing.  Coffee and conversation
  • Jeremiah - Snuggles, tickles, setting things up on his laptop so he can make purchases more easily (he always asks, and understands about account balances!).  Ordered the 3DS battery he’s been needing.   Watched Shorties Watchin’ Shorties, That 70s Show, The Big Bang Theory,  and part of Nova:Hunting the Elements with him.
  • For the family - Helped orchestrate (with Miah and Jim), the purchase of a blue Wii.  Also ordered enough controllers for everyone to have access to one, at the same time, and Wii Family Game Night.
 Administrative Stuff:

  • Input two writing practice notebooks to Penzu.
  • A small beginning:  I typed in 4 out of 120 pages in my June 2ooo Writing Practice Notebook.
  • I began writing this notebook, from nearly 12 years ago, in the midst of a particularly volatile argument with Jim –  one of the standout blowups of our generally peaceful union….
  • I am finding a lot of perspectives in reading the many pages long rant I wrote then, with my feelings when we argue now.  Some patterns have shifted vastly; others are much as they were back then, and represent areas where we are still stuck in volatile patterns…..much food for marital and relational thought – and feeling, too.
Please note:  I did not include categories or goals that I did not work on during this time period, in order to simplify.  A full version of my goals can be found here.
******************
 And a further tour of my Week 1 Wednesday-Saturday ROW.
Blogposts I read :

Another Excerpt from 750Words:

~~So, there is another 500 words written. And nearly 750 here, already.

I am liking how these pieces are coming together. They are natural and largely unvarnished, and not too long to take a huge degree of focus from other things…..

it just occurred to me that I am now more than half the way through the alphabet – not with completed and scheduled posts, but with rough drafts written, and the ideas explored.

It’s taking about a half hour apiece to write these, and another hour or so to edit, add images, links, and tags, categorize, and schedule.

And lots more people are finding their way to my words and some of them are enjoying them…..

I am grounding myself, and preparing to soar, all at once…~~

Something New: Tour of Followers:


I would like to recognize those who have taken the time to visit and follow me here.  Beginning today, I will list 5 followers per week, until I’ve introduced everyone.

If you can, please take a few minutes to visit one or more of these bloggers.

This week, please meet:

Photos – I have some lovely watercolor art and other things the kids created this week; unfortunately, I keep forgetting to charge batteries for the camera, and so I do not yet have pictures.  I plan to charge the batteries soon, and add the pictures during tomorrow’s writing session….


 Lots more ROWin’ going on!

 

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A-ROWing We Will Go….Update #1

ROW 80 Round 2 – Goals Update #1

Here we are, at the very first ROW check-in of Round 2.

It’s been a tumbled, tousled, and transformative time, here, in my real world.

I am writing a lot, reading some, and readjusting to Jim’s work schedule and a return to car-sharing, at least until our big old Dodge truck is repaired, we buy a second car (we have decided we want a used Subaru Outback; but are not yet really ready to go beyond that, and setting a budget for the purchase).

Today, Jim’s first day back to work, found us very low on milk (a staple around here!), and also coffee creamer (a far greater tragedy, on the whole!).

Transformation in the air....

We’re all a little unsettled, like the weather today.  Fits and starts of chilly rain and wind gusts, then a time of no wind and brilliant sunshine…..

Thankfully, I am more able to flow with the burly transitional energy than I used to be.   I am more in tune with my own energy, Jim’s, and the children’s. too.

Over the last few years, as I have become more peaceful in general, I’ve moved awayfrom long bouts of fury and futile yelling and punishing…..and of course, I would have to enforce my rules, and the punishments for them, in the name of “consistency”.

Now, I try to step back from my own feelings, and remind myself that feelings are fleeting, and I will feel happier feelings, at some point.  And, for this moment of feeling, I am better served by trying to find an action I can take to improve whatever has me feeling uncomfortable.

Sun and shadows...and the winds of change.

When the children are feeling less than loving toward each other, as siblings will, at times, I’ve moved away from policing the dispute and making decrees about how it will be resolved.

These days, I listen to both sides of the dispute, and try to help each child to understand the other’s point of view.  I offer suggestions to ways they might resolve the issue, and a neutral energy to help defuse the tensions or rages of the moment.

Usually, they can then work out an equitable resolution, and return to peaceful coexistence within just a few minutes.

So, today, I am breathing deeply.  I’m tired, and a little growly.  Knowing this, I am taking steps to resolve some mental, emotional, and physical clutter.

Rays of light and hope......

I am breathing, and remembering that this unsettled place, like the weather, will smooth out ahead, and there will be a return to ease and comfort.

And, until then, I will remind myself that just this type of unsettled , intense energy is what is needed to give birth……and, for certain, we are, in this moment, each birthing our future selves, and the lives they will live.

So, here, for your exploration, are my “labor pains”:

Here are my goals, arranged in categories for this round:

Reading:

  • Read at least as many books as the number of the month (4 in April ; 5 in May; 6 in June) from my bedroom To Be Read piles.
  • I am a little less than 50 pages from the end of my first book for April, The Dance of the Dissident Daughter  by Sue Monk Kidd.
  • Read at least 3 articles or blog posts a week from my To Be Read files on computer, and categorize those I choose to keep or share.
  • I have read this blog article from my Read Later Fast Chrome app - a stuffed-full of intentions space.  Saved the article to my Facebook Writer Page because I want to respond to it.
  • My second post read was on a scrap craft card.  I have shared it on my Facebook timeline and my Writer Page, because it has inspired an idea for me.
  • Third post read was this, on the effects of spanking.  Also shared to my Writer Page.
  • Fourth (and bonus!) article was on digital learning in schools.  I was moved to share on my Writer Page for possible future material, and also to comment on the post.
  • I have sorted several other saved posts there, some archived for later attention,and others deleted.
Writing:
  • Create flash fiction, short stories, dialogues, character sketches, alternate scenes, and poetry for  Chameleon’s Dish.  Wander cow trails, and learn these people and their lives more fully.
  • I have written one flash fiction piece (about 500 words), for the Blogging from A to Z April Challeng, letter H.  The piece will post on Monday, April 9.
  • I have created another flash fiction piece, using a different viewpoint character, for my Blogging From A to Z  I is for Intuition post, which will post on Tuesday, April 10.  Already, I feel new bits and perspectives on the story emerging, and I will be eager to move amongst my characters, getting to know each of them better.
  • I have had another idea of a rich vein to draw from.  Because of the existing Star Trek canon, I have a very good idea of what Spock was up to from the time he began sensing Jeniah to the time when they were finally able to physically consummate their bond.  What I don’t have is an equal awareness of Jeniah’s life throughout these years apart, yet connected.  It’s led to an imbalance and feeling of being stuck when I write from her POV, and so I will be writing some flash fiction and poetry that explore her  journey during those years.
  • I used the flash fiction approach to Jeniah’s life for the rough draft of my A to Z Challenge K post, K is for Knowledge. I am quite happy with the little vignette I got from it. =)
  • Pull material from all 750 words posts not part of the Chameleon’s Dish first draft.  
  • I have pulled the June 2011 posts up and imported them to LibreOffice.
  • I have highlighted and edited up to the third  post.  I found the seed of a couple of essay ideas, a few rough but complete essays I wrote but hadn’t returned to, and  a complete essay I think I posted on The Unfettered Life.
  • I am using a different color for each essay thread, so that it will be easier to separate them when it is time to move them to blog drafts or to Scrivener.
  •  I think I will create an essay and/or unschooling page here at shanjeniah for pieces like this, as well as preparing some to submit.
  • Create essays, stories, and other pieces based upon these writings.
  • I have written about 300 w0rds on the “seed idea”, and will let them rest a day or three before returning to reread them.
  • I was able to move the first essay to Scrivener  -  and find it again.  I even think I have a basic sense of how it works (no, I’m saving the tutorial for if I get stuck!).
  • Find all chapters of Blood and Breath.  Input into Scrivener; possibly begin rewrite.
  • I believe all the files for this WiP are on my external hard drive.  The only problem is that the hard drive is not currently working.
  • If that retrieval methods doesn’t pan out, I will be scouring memory sticks and the hard drives of our other computers, to see if I backed up there (I wrote the draft in 2009; memory has fogged a bit, since then.
  • All other methods exhausted, I will rewrite the draft as best as I am able.  Since I had the majority of the plot worked out, that would result in a draft that would be more evolved than a rough draft, and a bit less evolved than a revised second draft.
  • On the positive side, I have found a complete version of the Prologue.  It’s oddly formatted, which I will want to fix, but it is a starting point! =)
  • I have input the Prologue into Scrivener.  I managed to format it more or less as intended.  I am feeling really cool about that, and as though rewriting won’t be a horrific challenge, if it comes to that.
  • I found Chapter 1 – whole, complete, and in WordPerfect format.  My Sweet L’il Lenovo now has a free program the can read WordPerfect files. The chapter will need some editing before being moved to Scrivener.
  • Finish father-in-law letter and send. 
  • I had a dream the other night involving a maze in an unfamiliar place which I understood to be my father-in-law’s house (although not like where he actually lives).
  • I am going to let that dream be for a bit, and see what it evolves into.
Blogging:

  • Complete the Blogging From A to Z April Challenge.
  • I have scheduled the posts for April 1-9; letters A-H are edited and will post/have posted on their assigned days.
  • I have written rough drafts for letters   J  and K; which will be edited, then scheduled for April  10, and 11, respectively.
  • Complete Cooperative Catalyst post and related links (interviews with both children, and their “day in the life” posts from last year) ; submit to editor.
  • I have completed and posted both children’s interviews from this winter.  There are even pictures.  Annalise is here, and Jeremiah here.  In the interest of full disclosure, I had these posted up before the beginning of the round.
  • I have retrieved Annalise’s “day in the life” post, and edited the text.  In a day or three, I will add some relevant images and add the links before posting at The Unfettered Life.
  • I have also edited and added links to Jeremiah’s “day in the life” post, and will be adding images next.
  • Create a “flow chart” for posting to shanjeniah and The Unfettered Life.  Use these, and adapt as necessary, throughout the round (with allowances made in April for the challenge).
  • I have created a flow chart for this blog, and will pretty it up and post it within the next few days.
  • I have also created a flow chart for The Unfettered Life .  I will post after I add a pretty and inspirational image or two.
  • Add pages/ edit sidebar layout on shanjeniah.
  • I started small by creating a draft page for my online content.  Next will be tracking down a few links.

Networking:

  •  Explore She Writes; Twitter: StoryDam; Pinterest; and LinkedIn .  Use, develop, evaluate, adjust.
  • Started this goal off small.  I reset my forgotten She Writes password, and read this post there, sharing on my Facebook Writer Page.
  • I have saved a post on Twitter Best Practices to my Writer Page, to explore further, and asked for help in learning it, because it flummoxes me.
  • I got brave and reentered my Pinterest account.  Looked around –  there is a lot of empty real estate and possibilities there…..room to grow, and to explore.
  • I created one new board and got out of there, to return with a Chrome extension, and some images to pin…..and maybe to check out my followers (who seem to have come although I rarely visit there!).
  • I found and installed an extension, so now I can pin from any site, and I am planning to explore using it to save images for my posts.
  • Continue joining hops, fests, challenges, and other community blogging efforts.
  • I posted a One-Minute Writer post early Monday morning (see Blogging, above).
  • I read up on Shah Wharton‘s Storyteller Writing Challenge.  I found the photo prompt compelling, and will let the idea sit for a while, freewriting on it later tonight or sometime tomorrow.
  • I wrote a 508 word rough draft of my as-yet untitled story for the Storyteller Challenge.  It will get a bit of resting time before reread.
  • My Flicker of Inspiration post is up, as noted above..
  • Comment on and share blogs regularly; share my blogs as widely as seems feasible, and in diverse ways.
  • I have  commented on and shared several blogs, as posted above.
  • I am continuing to challenge my comfort zone by offering my words to a wider audience.
  • I am just starting to notice that my posts are beginning to be shared and commented on by people I don’t know, even online.  It’s an interesting and slightly terrifying experience, and I am still absorbing it.
  • My book review for Last Child in the Woods was reblogged on Learn From Nature.
  • I have been experimenting with adding a greater variety of tags, categories, and links.  I think this may be at least part of the reason for the spate of new activity, and I will be checking my stats sometime over the next few days to see if I can learn more there.
  • Do 3 guest posts and  host 3 guest bloggers this round.
  • I’m in the process of making plans for a guest post exchange with Eden Mabee, who is a ROW80 sponsor this month, and whose bravery I admire!
  • I am officially requesting guest spots, and guest posters willing to diversify! 

Submitting:
  •  Submit at least 10 pieces of flash fiction or poetry this round.
  • I have a “seed idea” for my 2012 NaNoWriMo  novel;  I will explore this further and develop through flash fiction I submit for publication in places other than my own blog.
  • I have had another “seed idea” regarding Jeniah’s personal timeline (see Writing, above), and will be writing some of these as submissible pieces, as well as some posted here for more immediate feedback.
  • Submit at least 5 essays or lists this round.
  • I have developed the “seed essay idea” (see Writing, above) into a several hundred word freewriting.
  • I have highlighted several passages from my June 2011 750Words.com posts.  Some I will develop further, and others are ready to share as they are.
  • Next up will be beginning to research essay markets for these posts.
  • Continue submitting to hops, challenges, fests, etc.; at least 3 each month.
  • I am currently participating in the A to Z Challenge, as noted above.
  • I have an entry for the  Storyteller Challenge in progress, as noted above.
  • I have an entry for the Flash of Inspiration hop in progress, as well, as noted above.
  • My Flicker of Inspiration Character post, Spock – A Most Logical Character.  That is one submission for the month, thus far.
 Photography:

  •  Organize all photos on hard drive/move to organized Picasa web albums or delete.
  • I have made a cursory sweep of my meager My Pictures file, deleting all files that are already on  my Picasa Web Albums.
  • Most of my pictures are in my Documents and Downloads files.  That will be a more involved process.
  • I have deleted from my Downloads all loose (not in folders) pictures I know to be on Picasa web albums.
  • Learn how to watermark pictures.
  • I have downloaded the Picasa help page for watermarking, and skimmed it.  Next will be attempting the process.
  • Watermark all photos that appear on my blogs, and all those I post going forward; begin watermarking favorites not on blogs.
Marketing:
  •  Explore marketing articles on my Facebook Writer Page.
  • I have reposted three articles to the top of the page, so that I can find them again easily,  I will begin reading them during the next several days.
  • Add useful articles to my shanjeniah  Marketing Articles page.
  • Use this information to help define my direction; adjust as needed.
Learning:

  •  Get Scrivener  downloaded; begin learning by inputting first an essay, and then Blood and Breath.
  • Scrivener was downloaded ahead of the round, because I got nervous.
  • I have input one essay, and will continue with others, experimenting with the drafting process on smaller pieces first.
  • Use Twitter and Tweetdeck at least one day a week.  Learn more.
  • For WordPress, create a running list of questions; work on finding answers!
  • Begin learning about how to publish ebooks.
  • Learn what I can do with my domain name.
  • Begin research list/research for  Chameleon’s Dish second draft.

Organizing:

  •  Edit all 2009 posts on  The Unfettered Life.  Consider layout and design changes.
  • Take clips from first Penzu notebook.
  • Input Blood and Breath and Chameleon’s Dish to Scivener.
  • Began with Prologue of Blood and Breath.
  • Clean up computer downloads, documents, photos, and other clutter – move it or lose it!
  • Began decluttering photo and document files, as noted above.
Self-care:
  • Add JOY to every day!
  • Monday – Writing time, flowerbed cleaning, trip dreaming, snuggles with Miah, listening to Lise read aloud!
    Tuesday – Allowing myself a home day, hanging and grilling outside, all together, skipping hometending, tried computer outside.
  • Add movement to every day, too!
  • Monday – Hometending, decluttered yard and front flowerbeds, raked large flowerbed.
  • Tuesday – tired.  Moved around in yard and garden.
  • Add self-deorating to every week!
  • Add more of my passions to each day, in as many ways as I can manage.
  • Add all these for my beloved others, too!
  • Lise: admiring chalk art, yard work, gardening together, reading time.
  • Miah: Morning snuggle, TV time, computer and website building talk.
  • Jim: Watched the Whitney Cummings  standup he’s been wanting to share with me, flirted and kissed.

Administrative Stuff:

  • Write and submit third quarter reports for both children.  These are due on June 1, 2012.
  • Cleanup email folders/organize, move, read, delete, act upon as needed.
  • Started cursory sweep of several files while searching for Blood and Breath chapters.  Deleted obviously unnecessary and unwanted items.


 So there it is – the contractions and striving that will help me to reach my goals.Jim is home from his first night back at work, and we are settling into our evening.   We’re watching Nova: Hunting the Elements, which the kids discovered after Annalise watched Nature: Humpback WhalesTime to sink back into the rhythm of my life…..You can find the other ROWers’ updates, here! =)

Rebirth.......

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by

Spock – A Most Logical Character

One logical guy; one emotional guy - delightful synergy!

This post was written for The Lightning and the Lightning Bug‘s  Flicker of Inspiration Blog Hop.

I had seen him around a few times, ever since I was maybe 7 or so, and I knew his voice, in other contexts. He was like a neighbor I whose face, car, and house I recognized, but about whom I knew nothing of consequence.

Except that that voice could draw me from anywhere, when I heard it, and it spoke things I couldn’t yet understand to my wounded soul.

Scientist, musician, explorer, Shakespeare fan......layers and levels.

Until I was 13, and my best friend, after much attempted persuasion, pressed a book into my hand and said, “Just read the first story, before you refuse to read more.”  I had a long tradition of fiercely resisting things she was certain I would enjoy.

The story was “Spock’s Brain“, the James Blish novelization of the original Star Trek episode.

I read it, and I was hooked. Deeply and passionately in love with with a fictional half-Vulcan who managed, even with his brain severed from his body, to solve the problem of (however improbably), getting it back where it belonged.

The Essence of Cool.

I have never gotten over that passion. I love Spock, and I always will.

The relationship, however one-sided it may be, has grown with me, and the teenage lust has given way to a deep and abiding – well, I guess the appropriate word would be fascination.

Because of Spock, I learned that I could be smart and still be fallible. I could have integrity of self. I could live according to my internal compass rather than rely on external factors to define my life for me. I learned that I could sacrifice myself for the greater good – and that I could hope that, on occasion, others might think my well-being was the greater good, even when logic didn’t agree.

"Remember"...a mindmeld before logical self-sacrifice.

I learned that one can be stronger, but does not need to use their strength to bully or force others. I began to see that sometimes there is a gift in silence, and in the subtle shifts of expression.

It was from Spock that I first learned that there was a possibility of mastering my emotions, or at least of not being so utterly ruled by them as everyone around me seemed to be. In time, I became able to step back within myself, breathe, and attend to my  feeling more of the time, allowing  me to take necessary or desired action with less reactivity, at least most of the time.

Spock, revisited in 2009......

I learned that while there are things worth killing and dying for, and a time when only force can act as defense, striving for understanding and compassion  generally avoids coming to such dire straits.

I learned that passion is uncontrollable, sometimes, and must simply be given in to, and allowed to run its natural course.

I learned that there are always possibilities, and most of the trick in seeing them is recognizing that fact.

Spockish fun!

I cut my writing teeth on Spock, creating terrible plots and merrily defiling characters, logic, and even possibility, all in an erotic quest for my Vulcan, and largely conducted in high school classrooms, or on the bed in my unhappily shared bedroom –  a vital escape that kept my mind from stultifying, and disengaged me from at least some potential sibling conflict.

I know that fan fiction is frowned upon in serious circles -

And yet I know that a rich and vital world has sprung up in my life over the nearly 3 decades I have shared with Spock, and I know that, without him, I would not have this remarkable world for my subconscious to play in.

It took a while, but Spock integrated his conflicting instincts....and so can I.

I would not be leading the life that I am, because Spock showed me the way to courage.  I would not have the husband I have, because it was Spock who first showed me how to risk taking a flying leap off the deep end of logic, when that was needed.

I would not write as well as I do, for it was in reading back and seeing how badly I had corrupted the character I love more than any other, that I began to learn to never force my stories to comply to my ideas, but rather to be a faithful observer and narrator of those stories, without interfering in them.

Live Long and Prosper.

There are always possibilities.

And, with Spock tucked firmly and logically into my soul, I will continue to find them, and live them.

Click here for the link!

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